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Ultimate Warrior Makes His Case For The Supreme Court Nomination

Supreme Court Justice David Souter announced he will be retiring in June.  And with his announcement, everyone is wondering who President Obama will choose to replace him.  One person, more than all others, feels he deserves the nomination, and is making his feelings known.
 
 

12 Responses to "Ultimate Warrior Makes His Case For The Supreme Court Nomination"

  1. U.Warrior says:

    WHEN I READ THIS LETTER, MY MIND WAS FILLED WITH THE HEADY, NOXIOUS FUMES OF RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION! THE GODS CAME DOWN FROM THE FIRMAMENT AND BESTOWED UPON ME THE BERSERKER RAGE OF THE ANCIENTS WHO TREAD THE EARTH BEFORE ME AND EVERMORE! AND I CAME DOWN FROM THE MOUNTAIN, BREATHING FIRE, PARTING ARMIES OF QUIVERING MINIONS IN MY WAKE!

    I SAT AT THE THRONE OF VALHALLA AND TOOK THE MIGHTY PEN FROM THE HAND OF PROMETHEUS! I WROTE THIS MESSAGE, TO BE READ BY THE MASSES THAT ASSEMBLE AT HOLYTACO.COM! I SENT THE ANGELS DOWN TO EARTH TO HERALD MY COMING! I RIPPED THE SWORD FROM THE HANDS OF ACHILLES AND MOUNTED MY STEED TO RETURN TO THE PHYSICAL REALM OF HUMANITY. I SLEW THE DRAGON OF RAINBOWS! I BEHEADED THE UNICORN OF UBIQUITY! AND I WADED THROUGH THE RIVERS OF BLOOD CREATED BY MY OWN ANGRY HAND!

    ALL OF THIS, I AND MY FELLOW WARRIORS DID, TO DELIVER THIS ONE SIMPLE MESSAGE!

    THIS POST SUCKS HAIRY GOAT BALLS!

    Sincerely,

    THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR!

  2. Anonymous says:

    FREEEEEEZE Mother BITHCES…..I blow you, then I blow you…badges mother bitch, I sell you 99 cents each, I from the middle east I killed before I kill again…..

  3. Jason says:

    Next time, at least try and make it sound like the Warrior instead of lifting every other wrestler’s catch phrases.

  4. Tyler says:

    Wow….everyone on here is complaining how you didn’t make it sound like the real “Ultimate Warrior”….well to all of you I say….NERDS!!!!!!!

  5. Anonymous says:

    teah this letter doesn’t mention his hatred of “queers” and liberals, Ho Kogan, space ships, rocket fuel, or “parts unknown”

    Also I nominate Scott Steiner for supreme court because size does matter BITCH!!

  6. Anonymous says:

    Needed more references to demonic space gods and finished with a snarl

  7. polytician says:

    Freakin’ hilarious! Holy Taco has some of the best writing around. Guys, keep it up!

  8. GDUBB says:

    That sucked, I clicked the link to read this and it sounds nothing like what the warrior would say. What if I told you i had a good hillbilly joke then told a joke about a Paris Hilton’s snatch.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Yea, poor attempt.

  10. henryg says:

    wtf? that was hulk hogan and the rock applying together for supreme court justice. ultimate warrior just looks scary.thats all

  11. Anonymous says:

    the warrior is known for some of the most crazy-ass ridiculous promos ever.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXCv12ftT0I

    it’s sad to see that this post doesn’t capture that and made it sound like some generic wrestling interview.