Guess who won their bet last week? That’s right, this mo-fo right here! I got one in the win column baby! I feel like I felt right after I lost my virginity, and even better, there’s no one sitting next to me sobbing, saying, “What did I do? What the fuck did I just do?”
On to this week’s lock:
BILLS (+7.5) over Eagles
First of all, if you’re out at a bar and someone is intensely watching this game, that person has a gambling problem. On the boring scale, this game rates right between “C-SPAN 2″ and “Student Film Festival.”
The Eagles put up 38 on the Saints and now everybody thinks they’re some juggernaut. It’s like when Cuba Gooding Jr. did Jerry Maguire and everyone thought he was the next Will Smith. Then he followed that up with Radio, where he played a retarded person who inspires us all, and Boat Trip, where it seemed like he played a retarded person who pretends to be gay, and suddenly his life was paparazzi-less. This will be Philadelphia’s Radio.
I know Buffalo has a rookie QB, a shitty Defense, a shitty offense, but they’re 7-8 and if they win this game, they’ll reach .500. If you don’t think that means something in Buffalo, you’ve never been to that city. They have nothing. The entire town looks like a Wal-Mart right after they close on the day after Thanksgiving: It’s quiet, shit is strewn on the ground, a little fat kid is wandering around looking for his mommy. It’s a scary place. As for Philly, they don’t have hope there, so one more defeat doesn’t mean shit. Plus, Mcnabb ain’t coming back next year, and this game is not one of those “thank you to Philly fans for being so awesome.” In fact, Donovan might just take the first snap and kneel down while he gives everyone the finger.
MONEY WON/LOST: -320