Not every bit of awful hilarity goes viral, since there are way too many bad ideas out there for any one Internet to cover. I do what I can to cover the neglected. Such as this gem, a 2010 music video by Swedish bank Orskog Savings, starring their actual employees. The head honchos clearly intended this to be a “day in the life” montage, showcasing the utopia that is working at a small town bork bork bank. Instead, we get three awkward minutes of workers literally dancing for their jobs.
This bank was founded in 1857, and they want you to know they were just as friendly back then as they are today. They do so by dressing up as vaguely old-timey folks and conducting old-timey bank business. This was back in the god ol’ days, when you could walk into a bank with $10 and walk out with a four-bedroom house.
And you can tell this bank is special, because their founder was a time-traveler who owned a space heater FROM THE FUTURE.
Fast-forward to the workers of today, showing how happy they are to be … leaving work? Isn’t this supposed to be a “yay for our company” video? This will NOT look good on their annual performance review.
OK, and now they’re conga dancing? They clearly have all the confidence in the world, staring at their feet like they do. Wanna bet they were ordered to dance with roughly half a second’s notice, and they had to do so without the aid of annoyingly catchy pop music blaring in the background?
Here they are hogging the rides at a children’s playground. Without context, I’m forced to assume they comandeered the park after the neighborhood parents were unable to pay back their loans. Off-camera, dozens of children are weeping to the point of physical pain. But Orskog hears them not, for the squeaking swings and spinning wheels drown out all other noise.
“At Orskog Savings, we work hard at protecting your money, and even harder at mocking your poor elderly grandmother with the two fake hips. Hey, her fault for being old!”
And now, the Wave. Kind of. I especially wonder about the guy there, who’s surrounded by cougars and couldn’t give an eighth of a shit. Either that or they all turned himn down for a date and now he’s all sore and pouty.
This old lady in the lei spends the entire video giving less than a shit about looking excited. Every dance is half-assed, and half the time she doesn’t even bother to stand. She’s either on a fat pension, is the boss, is screwing the boss, or plans to up and kill everybody soon anyway, so why bother perfecting her leg shimmy?
The fact that she’s apparently still employed by the bank means nothing, by the way. The Swedish justice system is very forgiving, so she probably did her time, got rehabilitated, and went right back to enjoying employment, minus one lei and plus the knowledge that nobody will ever ask her to dance ever again.
Even during a raucous party, some losers have to stay behind and do all the work. Their tears will help brew the coffee.
Now for the grand finale, where all the customers’ money gets tossed on the floor. Is that a sign of good banking in Sweden? Because if my bank did that, I’d run to the competition so fast I’d break the sound barrier. But not before picking up a few hundred errant bucks lying at my feet. Hey, I’m only (a terrible) human.