11 Unironic Spokespeople

The Heart Attack Grill is a restaurant that is happy to let you know it wants you dead. Their speciality is the Quadruple Bypass burger, made of 4 1/2lb patties, 8 slices of cheese and lard-coated buns.  It clocks in at 8,000 calories, which makes it legally worse for you than a heroin sandwich. Their new spokesman is 6’8" tall, 570lb Blair River, who can and will eat oyu whole if you get in his way.

Of all the spokesmen in all the world, Blair may be the most honest ever.  He’s a giant man who hawks giant burgers to other giant people. Nothing coy about it, just straight up honesty without a trace of irony.  And dammit, more companies need to do that!