A User's Guide to Boob Terminology

November 19th, 2009 | 09:39 am
There are thousands of different words for boobs, but how do you know what term is appropriate for the situation you're in?  Luckily, we've spent a lot of time talking about boobs, and we've created a handy User's Guide to Boob Terminology to help you figure out what boob term to use in a given situation.
 
Breasts
 
What It Refers To: The superior ventral surface (the upper-torso) of the human body.  Usually, the term refers to this area on the female body, while "chest" is more commonly used to describe the upper-torso of male bodies, unless it's a fat ass dude with man-boobs.
 
When It's Used: In medical or technical conversations, or on television when, for some reason, they feel like they can't just say "boobs".
 
Proper Usage: "Ma'am, I'm afraid you have breast cancer."
 
Improper Usage: "Hey, drunk chicks, show us your breasts!"
 
 
Bosom
 
What It Refers To: In reference to the boobs of your mom, grandma, a diety, or any woman who you would never sexualize in a million billion years.
 
When It's Used: In The Bible, or in reference to where a baby is sleeping.
 
Proper Usage: "...And lo, Mary held the child Jesus unto her bosom."
 
Improper Usage: "That stripper was rubbing her bosom all over my face!"
 
 
Boobs or Boobies
 
 
What It Refers To: Boobs that are covered by clothing with no indication of nipple, as in the image above.  Because of the lack of nipple visibility, "Boob" is often used in a more playful tone, rather than a sexual tone.
 
When It's Used: In everyday conversation between males and females alike.  Due to its casual, non-threatening overtones, "Boobs" is considered a relatively non-sexual term, and is therefore acceptable for conversational use, making "Boobs" the most popular term for boobs.

Proper Usage: "Hey, boss! Your boobs look pretty good in that sweater."
 
Improper Usage: "Hey, wife! I'm gonna boobie-f*ck you tonight."
 
 
Tits or Titties
 
What It Refers To: Boobs that are uncovered by clothing, or covered by clothing but with clear evidence of nipples beneath the clothing, thereby justifying the term's more overt sexual tone.
 
When It's Used:  When two men are discussing boobs in a sexual way.
 
Proper Usage: "Hey, drunk chicks, show us your tits!"

Improper Usage: "Ma'am, I'm afraid you have titty cancer."
 
 
Buzongas or Guzongas
 
What It Refers To: Boobs that are cartoonishly large, or the large boobs of an actual cartoon, like Jessica Rabbit.
 
When It's Used: Usually in a conversation with other dudes, delivered in a manner of joking or comical disbelief. Most other ridiculous boob terms fall into this category as well (i.e.- knockers, chesticles, cans, hooters, funbags, dairy pillows, baby feeders, boulders, devil's dumplings, flapdoodles, goombas, honkers, jugs, melons, milk bombs, num-nums, wopbopaloobops, sweater cows, etc.).
 
Proper Usage: "Did you see that chick smash the beer can with her guzongas?"
 
Improper Usage: ""...And lo, Mary held the child Jesus unto her guzongas."
 
Comments

65 Responses to "A User's Guide to Boob Terminology"

  1. Fong WIn Says:

    Im going to have to go with titties FTW...

  2. ankit Says:

    hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
    i love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

  3. pratik Says:

    I prefer fun pillows.

  4. George T Says:

    I prefer YOU SHUTTING THE FUCK UP.

  5. KC Says:

    George T, yo mama looka like a BROKE ASS!

  6. Adam C Says:

    George T is just the sort of lead-head that makes me wish he was within punching range. What an ass-hat.

  7. John Gee Says:

    George T is more than likely GAY, he don't like titties.

  8. small penis in my shorts Says:

    George T probablt wishes my dick was bigger so when I fuck him in the butt again I can actually tear his asshole. How gay..

  9. zayne Says:

    dont make fun of George T. Just cuz he never felt or seen real fun bags :p

  10. dereks Says:

    i think george t is hillarious

  11. George T Says:

    Yea im gay so what!!!!!!!!

  12. tilda Says:

    George T: that just makes you more gay. And thats not the fun gay from the ol'days.

  13. George T Says:

    Jackopaws

  14. Polyonymous Says:

    Why does it seem they just get started with an interesting topic(s) and then fall flat on their face? This could go alot further and actually become entertaining if they would follow through!!!

  15. MIchael Scott Says:

    That's what she said!

  16. Polyonymous Says:

    That's what they said about Rutherfoo when he was bending over to show me his hidden ballsack.

  17. supermanlymangunowner Says:

    yea they definitely figured we'd get distracted by the tits and not worry about the content.

  18. Bradford Says:

    I didn't read any of this, but still loved it!

  19. Shlomo Boobman Says:

    This feels like old skool taco. I like. Good job taco. Boobs.

  20. P Says:

    dairy pillows and sweater cows... awesome

  21. The Tree Man Says:

    That's 'Sweater Melons'.

  22. Complete G Says:

    I prefer to call them (the heavy upper regions of a woman, pillows, melons, tictorials n' milk ducts!!

  23. Bob Says:

    well done boys

  24. office jerk Says:

    wopbopaloobops or gtfo

  25. FZ Says:

    I say Mammalian protuberances

  26. aPlateOfGrapes Says:

    Mammarian would likely be a better term.

    Oh, and good job HT. Keep making baby Jesus cry into those gazongas.

  27. bonzoello Says:

    its sweater steaks, not sweater cows.

  28. omgwtfbbq Says:

    You're a fucking dumbass.

  29. crouch swelling Says:

    YOU'RE a fucking dumbass.

  30. KC Says:

    No YOU'RE a fucking dumbass! (Let's keep it going, everyone!!) :D

  31. Alienpoo Says:

    I'm a fucking dumbass.

  32. TD Says:

    Can't we all just breastfully get along?

  33. jimbo Says:

    whos a dumbass?

    123not it!

  34. Sæl Says:

    That, sir, was improper usage of the term "breast..."

  35. Amomynous Says:

    "...And lo, Mary held the child Jesus unto her guzongas." ...awesome

  36. BigEd Says:

    I don't really care what they are called as long as they keep my ears warm at night!

  37. The Tree Man Says:

    ...without keeping them wet, hopefully.

    4 out of 5 ENTs agree: Homogenization is NOT good for the inner ear.

    He's who (still)has ears, let him hear. :-)

  38. Bam Man Says:

    This article was fucking awesome.

  39. Brain4Breakfast Says:

    I'm afraid you have titty cancer FTW

  40. onward Says:

    i'm fondling tits, or want to fondle more tits...

  41. onward Says:

    corrections.
    I'll be more sensitive.
    "Breasts" rather than "Tits".

    In anycase. i love the feel, jiggles, and taste of women's breasts.

  42. DX Says:

    FINALLY! Someone finally puts this all into some context I can understand!

  43. I fucked your dad with my little dick Says:

    that's because you are dum

  44. Da Staines Massif Says:

    call me julie's her babylons

  45. Alburrito Says:

    Jizz Catchers

  46. michael Says:

    My favorite term is jigglypuffs.

  47. MOWREZ Says:

    Gargantuous tatas FTW!

  48. onward Says:

    ...the feel of women's bodies and her warmth.

    and No, I'm not fucked-up in the head.
    (...don't have the pleasure to feel women's warmth often enough, or not getting laid...and my dick just leaked cum/jizz on my leg.)

  49. The Man Says:

    Man, I LOVE BUCETA.

  50. jimbo Says:

    thanks to family harper, i'd like this one:

    vod-kanockers

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