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A User’s Guide to Boob Terminology

There are thousands of different words for boobs, but how do you know what term is appropriate for the situation you’re in?  Luckily, we’ve spent a lot of time talking about boobs, and we’ve created a handy User’s Guide to Boob Terminology to help you figure out what boob term to use in a given situation.
 
Breasts
 
What It Refers To: The superior ventral surface (the upper-torso) of the human body.  Usually, the term refers to this area on the female body, while "chest" is more commonly used to describe the upper-torso of male bodies, unless it’s a fat ass dude with man-boobs.
 
When It’s Used: In medical or technical conversations, or on television when, for some reason, they feel like they can’t just say "boobs".
 
Proper Usage: "Ma’am, I’m afraid you have breast cancer."
 
Improper Usage: "Hey, drunk chicks, show us your breasts!"
 
 
Bosom
 
What It Refers To: In reference to the boobs of your mom, grandma, a diety, or any woman who you would never sexualize in a million billion years.
 
When It’s Used: In The Bible, or in reference to where a baby is sleeping.
 
Proper Usage: "…And lo, Mary held the child Jesus unto her bosom."
 
Improper Usage: "That stripper was rubbing her bosom all over my face!"
 
 
Boobs or Boobies
 

 
What It Refers To: Boobs that are covered by clothing with no indication of nipple, as in the image above.  Because of the lack of nipple visibility, "Boob" is often used in a more playful tone, rather than a sexual tone.
 
When It’s Used: In everyday conversation between males and females alike.  Due to its casual, non-threatening overtones, "Boobs" is considered a relatively non-sexual term, and is therefore acceptable for conversational use, making "Boobs" the most popular term for boobs.

Proper Usage: "Hey, boss! Your boobs look pretty good in that sweater."
 
Improper Usage: "Hey, wife! I’m gonna boobie-f*ck you tonight."
 
 
Tits or Titties
 
What It Refers To: Boobs that are uncovered by clothing, or covered by clothing but with clear evidence of nipples beneath the clothing, thereby justifying the term’s more overt sexual tone.
 
When It’s Used:  When two men are discussing boobs in a sexual way.
 
Proper Usage: "Hey, drunk chicks, show us your tits!"

Improper Usage: "Ma’am, I’m afraid you have titty cancer."
 
 
Buzongas or Guzongas
 
What It Refers To: Boobs that are cartoonishly large, or the large boobs of an actual cartoon, like Jessica Rabbit.
 
When It’s Used: Usually in a conversation with other dudes, delivered in a manner of joking or comical disbelief. Most other ridiculous boob terms fall into this category as well (i.e.- knockers, chesticles, cans, hooters, funbags, dairy pillows, baby feeders, boulders, devil’s dumplings, flapdoodles, goombas, honkers, jugs, melons, milk bombs, num-nums, wopbopaloobops, sweater cows, etc.).
 
Proper Usage: "Did you see that chick smash the beer can with her guzongas?"
 
Improper Usage: ""…And lo, Mary held the child Jesus unto her guzongas."
 

118 Responses to "A User’s Guide to Boob Terminology"

  1. FZ says:

    I say Mammalian protuberances

  2. aPlateOfGrapes says:

    Mammarian would likely be a better term.

    Oh, and good job HT. Keep making baby Jesus cry into those gazongas.

  3. bonzoello says:

    its sweater steaks, not sweater cows.

  4. omgwtfbbq says:

    You’re a fucking dumbass.

  5. crouch swelling says:

    YOU’RE a fucking dumbass.

  6. KC says:

    No YOU’RE a fucking dumbass! (Let’s keep it going, everyone!!) :D

  7. Amomynous says:

    “…And lo, Mary held the child Jesus unto her guzongas.” …awesome

  8. Alienpoo says:

    I’m a fucking dumbass.

  9. TD says:

    Can’t we all just breastfully get along?

  10. BigEd says:

    I don’t really care what they are called as long as they keep my ears warm at night!

  11. Bam Man says:

    This article was fucking awesome.

  12. Brain4Breakfast says:

    I’m afraid you have titty cancer FTW

  13. onward says:

    i’m fondling tits, or want to fondle more tits…

  14. DX says:

    FINALLY! Someone finally puts this all into some context I can understand!

  15. onward says:

    corrections.
    I’ll be more sensitive.
    “Breasts” rather than “Tits”.

    In anycase. i love the feel, jiggles, and taste of women’s breasts.

  16. I fucked your dad with my little dick says:

    that’s because you are dum

  17. Da Staines Massif says:

    call me julie’s her babylons

  18. Alburrito says:

    Jizz Catchers

  19. michael says:

    My favorite term is jigglypuffs.

  20. MOWREZ says:

    Gargantuous tatas FTW!

  21. onward says:

    …the feel of women’s bodies and her warmth.

    and No, I’m not fucked-up in the head.
    (…don’t have the pleasure to feel women’s warmth often enough, or not getting laid…and my dick just leaked cum/jizz on my leg.)

  22. The Man says:

    Man, I LOVE BUCETA.

  23. jimbo says:

    whos a dumbass?

    123not it!

  24. jimbo says:

    thanks to family harper, i’d like this one:

    vod-kanockers

  25. The Tree Man says:

    …without keeping them wet, hopefully.

    4 out of 5 ENTs agree: Homogenization is NOT good for the inner ear.

    He’s who (still)has ears, let him hear. :-)

  26. Sæl says:

    That, sir, was improper usage of the term “breast…”

  27. DaddyCool says:

    uh lalala

    a href=”http://daddycool18.blogspot.com/2009/12/coco-nicole-austin-did-sexiest-photo.html” target=”_new”>Very close look of Coco Nicole’s Boobs and Booty

  28. lester says:

    ** PARTY HATS !!**

  29. BB says:

    Sweater Cows… giggity

  30. king kong dong says:

    mom?

  31. Pedant says:

    It’s “deity”, not “diety”. ‘Diety’ makes it moar lulzier though, but I doubt that was intended usage.

    And in the gazongas category, what about tatty bojangles? More comedic than ‘bazoongas’

  32. splix says:

    I love that pic (3rd pic) who´s that girl?

  33. heshamn says:

    good

  34. gigi says:

    trademarking “fubes” for fake boobies..and inspired by this thread..tx for the inspiration and incentives to expand the English language..weeeeeeeeeehooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

  35. gigi says:

    ***foobes

    haha…too much midday drinking today…bahaha

  36. A lonely sailor at sea says:

    I salute all you ladies

  37. holy taco ftw says:

    breast comment ever

  38. longrod von hugendong says:

    i hate to be a boob but its a tit bit nipply in here. you’d breast put on a coat

  39. AAnonymous says:

    I agree. I laughed my ass off at that one.

    Don’t anybody comment or get their knickers in a knot. I’m a Christian, and it DID say this was the NOT the proper use of the term. That’s what made it funny to read. Besides, God must have created humour also.

  40. Ace says:

    I just texted you from MS.

    if you cum here Girl I’ll give you a BLOW JOB you will never forget….

    IM onefinetuner@ live.com or on YIM

    tracy

  41. tiffany tease says:

    480 310 7778
    text if you wanna sext ;]
    female, 19, arizona, single, sexy.

  42. Ace says:

    Chesticles roflmao love them chesticles

  43. Ravrn says:

    …And why thew fuck is the word “tits” listed here, since “tits” refers to nipples and not boobs?

  44. Roger2010 says:

    I love big breast !! Lol …

    http://www.alexander-mcqueen-shoes.com

  45. Eleven says:

    What is the source for the yellow and gray sweater girl? I remember seeing those before…

  46. sunilkumar.st says:

    work

  47. Roland says:

    there amazin all over all around an everythang between

  48. Liquid larry says:

    thanks for clearing that up

  49. Ahad says:

    howd my wife get in that last pic?

  50. Harriet Johnson says:

    Agreed. Ta-tas is definitely the breast term. My bad, did I say breast? I meant best, I must have tittie on the brain….

  51. fapmaster says:

    fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap … … fap!
    i prefer … faf… titter tats

  52. joemfjay says:

    what does it mean if i actually learned something from this?

  53. rcd says:

    Who cares ! I love em all!! Just stick some in my mouth!!!!!!!!!!!!

  54. sunil says:

    hai…………….

  55. salman says:

    amazing boooooooooobs i love it

  56. Raoul Duke says:

    I have been to bed with these women you can use them for pillows!!!

  57. giantslor says:

    I prefer “udders.”

    E.g. “Last night I went out with this feminist chick with big udders, then we went back to my place and I udder-fucked the milk out of her.”

  58. Jack says:

    Yeah, but will any of them go to Chili’s??…

  59. JR says:

    Boobs are mostly 80% fat. So larger the boobs means more fat is stored to make up the circumference and size. If you have seen chicken fat then you have to comprehend and visualize that is what the fat looks inside the breast. Try to look at a breast operation video.

  60. That Guy says:

    Chick under the boobs/boobies title: Jamie Graham, you can thank me later.

  61. Ed B. says:

    My brothers and I use the term Headlights, and when the headlights are “on”, we call them Tittie Hard-ons, or THO’s for short.
    A girl with small boobs is a member of the Itty-Bitty Tittie Comittee (IBTC).

  62. This Guy says:

    I prefer “2 BIG BAGS OF SAND”

  63. Paparazzi says:

    Fun-bags, melons, jugs, cans, udders, knockers, sand bags, hooters, tits, boobs, foobs, breasts, it all works, as in: “Excuse me miss Reid your left jug is exposed, could you kindly uncover the other and let me get a quick photo? thanks”

  64. Ginger Lover says:

    I think hospitals should be less formal, and titty cancer would just about do that.

  65. mi khunt says:

    .

  66. Mr cash says:

    Show me them god damn money makers.

  67. Mr cash says:

    I like that, IBTC.

  68. Johnny B says:

    You had me at Boob.

  69. longrod says:

    howd my wife get in that last pic?

  70. longrod says:

    sorry couldnt hear anything, had my head between the sweater hogs!!

  71. Fong WIn says:

    Im going to have to go with titties FTW…

  72. ankit says:

    hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
    i love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

  73. Anonymous win says:

    I love you too!

  74. denzel says:

    your sexy and some nice tits real or fake

  75. pratik says:

    I prefer fun pillows.

  76. George T says:

    I prefer YOU SHUTTING THE FUCK UP.

  77. KC says:

    George T, yo mama looka like a BROKE ASS!

  78. Adam C says:

    George T is just the sort of lead-head that makes me wish he was within punching range. What an ass-hat.

  79. John Gee says:

    George T is more than likely GAY, he don’t like titties.

  80. small penis in my shorts says:

    George T probablt wishes my dick was bigger so when I fuck him in the butt again I can actually tear his asshole. How gay..

  81. zayne says:

    dont make fun of George T. Just cuz he never felt or seen real fun bags :p

  82. dereks says:

    i think george t is hillarious

  83. George T says:

    Yea im gay so what!!!!!!!!

  84. tilda says:

    George T: that just makes you more gay. And thats not the fun gay from the ol’days.

  85. George T says:

    Jackopaws

  86. amita says:

    her boobs size same like my boobies but my nipples is smaller then this girls. i m so sexy. every night i sleep without cloths means totly nudes.but i m as a nature suy.please fuck me boys

  87. Kamara says:

    Come on, i like u, what`s the size of ur pussy….. i like it big, …like a pot

  88. pussymonster says:

    hey amita ill fuck u till u can’t walk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  89. asshat says:

    o yea my dream girl, a cooking pot pussy, ass like an underinflated blow-up chair, and boobies like a desert highway. DAMNNN!! opps just jizzed myself

  90. Balls says:

    dammit.

    You gave me the gay.

  91. Polyonymous says:

    Why does it seem they just get started with an interesting topic(s) and then fall flat on their face? This could go alot further and actually become entertaining if they would follow through!!!

  92. MIchael Scott says:

    That’s what she said!

  93. Polyonymous says:

    That’s what they said about Rutherfoo when he was bending over to show me his hidden ballsack.

  94. supermanlymangunowner says:

    yea they definitely figured we’d get distracted by the tits and not worry about the content.

  95. Bradford says:

    I didn’t read any of this, but still loved it!

  96. Shlomo Boobman says:

    This feels like old skool taco. I like. Good job taco. Boobs.

  97. P says:

    dairy pillows and sweater cows… awesome

  98. The Tree Man says:

    That’s ‘Sweater Melons’.

  99. Complete G says:

    I prefer to call them (the heavy upper regions of a woman, pillows, melons, tictorials n’ milk ducts!!

  100. fm says:

    lETS NOT FORGET SWEATER MEAT!

  101. i hate pie :3 says:

    rofling :3

  102. Bob says:

    well done boys

  103. office jerk says:

    wopbopaloobops or gtfo

  104. Boobie Babe says:

    Enhance your Breasts Naturally — http://bit.ly/enhance-breast

  105. mnb says:

    my mom had knockers like a st. bernard,…ten reasons to suck hard and shut up more,…I was a quiet kid…..I hope that was my mom?

  106. MrAnonymouz says:

    Chesticles.

  107. peter says:

    greatest post of all time… really love this http://www.peeapt.com

  108. ladi_loopi says:

    YEA TITS

  109. The Last One's Just Gross says:

    NO really. Someone tell me who the “Tits” girl is.

  110. Sunday says:

    Why do nipples justify an “overt sexual tone”…? What’s so sexual about nipples? And what makes “tits” a more sexual word?

  111. Ahad says:

    u r hots girls .
    ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh
    vri vri hot.

  112. Mr. Peter says:

    What? The Virgin Mother had breasts? She’s a total MILF!

  113. Jonathan Doe says:

    I believe you have missed ‘tatty bojangles’ off this list; a very important addition, I recommend you amend your list forthwith.

    Sincerely,
    Jonathan Doe
    Breast Etymologist

  114. I prefer to call them (the heavy upper regions of a woman, pillows, melons, tictorials n’ milk ducts!!

  115. sohbet says:

    What? The Virgin Mother had breasts? She’s a total MILF!