We say a lot of things in everyday
conversation that don’t really make sense, even when we’re not completely wasted. These things are called idioms. Idioms are those olde-timey turns of phrase that people throw into conversation when they have nothing else to say, and somehow everyone knows their
meanings even though nobody really knows exactly what they mean. In order to create the opportunity for us to seem slightly
smart at some point in the future, we decided to investigate the origins of some of the most utilized idioms ever:
Straight From the Horses Mouth
Meaning: This information was received from the highest authority.
Origin: In horseracing circles, tips on which horses were injured, rested, and particularly strong came from those in closest proximity to the horses themselves. The most trusted sources for horseracing-related information were stable hands, trainers, etc., much like the most trusted source for Kirstie Alley information will always be her exhausted, overworked personal chef. Therefore, the phrase "straight from the horse’s mouth" indicated that the information came from a place even closer to the horse than its inner-circle of handlers: the horse itself.
Example:
NYC Socialite: Sarah Jessica Parker is going to be at my party tonight.
Bimbo: No way! Where did you hear that?
NYC Socialite: Straight from the horse’s mouth!
Bimbo: Oh my God! You have her number?!
Rub the Wrong Way
Meaning: To irritate or annoy. In other words, to be Lady Gaga.
Origin: It’s official origin is rather obscure, but the general consensus is that this phrase derives from the irritation resulting from rubbing hair or fur the wrong way, specifically on a cat. If you rub your cat’s fur against it’s natural direction, the cat will seem annoyed. In fairness, cats get annoyed by pretty much anything, and rubbing their fur the wrong way only creates a minor annoyance for them by comparison. If you really want to see your cat get pissed off, put scotch tape on the bottom of all of his paws, then drop him on the floor and laugh hysterically as all of his feet automatically twitch all at once to get the tape off.
Example:
Guy: Hey, girlfriend. Remember last night when you massaged my balls with sandpaper?
Girlfriend: Of course, baby.
Guy: Yeah. That really rubbed me the wrong way.
Girlfriend: What? Why?
Guy: Because it rubbed me the wrong way.
I’m Just Pulling Your Leg
Meaning: I’m kidding you.
Origin: This phrase originated in Scotland, and it used to have a much more literal meaning. The term "to pull one’s leg" literally meant to trip someone, or "pull their leg" out from under them, causing them to fall on their face and look like a complete idiot in front of all of the cool Scottish kids. Nowadays, it’s generally used to make someone feel better after they’ve already been made to look like a retarded asshole.
Example:
Guy: Hey, Jay Leno, you’re sense of humor is not out-dated and you’re funny!
Jay Leno: Why thank you, sir!
Guy: Ah, I’m just pulling your leg!
Jay Leno: Oh, right. So then you’re implying that my sense of humor is out-dated, and I’m not funny.
Guy: Yes, that’s right. I’m saying that you, Jay Leno, have an out-dated sense of humor, and that you are not funny…ever. Furthermore, you’re a dick and you waste your money on cars while people are starving, so I also think you’re an asshole.
The Apple of My Eye
Meaning: Someone or something that is cherished above all else, like Modern Warfare 2.
Origins: Apparently this is a really old phrase, and one of its earliest uses dates all the way back to 885 A.D. The "apple" of the eye is referring to the pupil, which any optomologist will tell you is the most important part. The pupil was called an apple because, in 885 A.D., an apple was apparently the closest resemblance to a pupil, in that both apples and pupils were round. It seems strange at first, but keep in mind that they probably didn’t have a lot of things in 885 A.D.
Example:
My Brother: Anyway, my girlfriend accepted my apology, and I had to get rid of all of my porn, except for the apple of my eye: Big Booty Shitfest XXXV.
Let the Cat Out of the Bag
Meaning: To reveal a secret by accident.
Origin: In medieval times (the era, not the themed restaurant featured in Cable Guy), piglets were taken to the market in a sack, where they were sold to people who apparently had infertile pigs who were longing for children. If the seller was an asshole, he’d put a cat inside the bag instead, hoping to pull a fast one on the buyer, as cats don’t taste nearly as delicious as baby pigs. Cats, being the crafty creatures that they are, would often escape during the transaction, thereby revealing the dickheaded seller’s sly secret.
Example:
Bro 1 (to Bro 2): Hey, bro, do you need a condom?
Girl: We’re waiting until marriage.
Bro 1: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Bro 2: Well, I guess the cat’s out of the bag.
Bro1: More like the cat’s out of the…fag! Get it?! I called you a fag, dude.
A Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bush
Meaning: A shitty sure thing is better than two awesome fat chances.
Origin: The earliest form of this idiom can be found in a fairly popular book called "
The Bible". In the book of Ecclesiastes (which isn’t about a popular exercising technique, like it sounds) someone says something like "a living dog is better than a dead lion". In this context, they’re referring to the fighting power of each animal, stating that, while a live dog is not a better fighter than a lion, it will definitely be a better fighter than a dead lion. Later on in the Bible,
Jesus reiterates this point, and everyone that he’s talking to goes, "Yeah, no kidding, Jesus. That’s pretty obvious. Y’know, you seemed pretty smart and profound when I first met you, but you say a lot of really stupid things sometimes, too." The modification of the phrase to refer to birds probably results from this idiom being used to refer mostly to women, commonly referred to as "birds" in olden times, and presently in modern England. Therefore, the phrase really means "it’s better to have an ugly slut than two pretty prudes."
Example:
Man in Hospital Gown: I couldn’t decide whether to go for the two hot nuns or the fat, dirty prostitute, but then I remembered that a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush. Anyway, can I have that penicillin now, Doctor?
Don’t Beat Around the Bush
Meaning: Don’t float around the issue. Get to the f*cking point already.
Origin: Most people who study idioms (known as "idiots") believe that this phrase is tied to old timey hunting practices that were utilized before you could use dynamite and booby traps to kill any kind of game, like you can today. Back then, a team of "beaters" would go into the woods and literally beat around bushes to frighten the game out of the woods and into the waiting crosshairs of lazy hunters. The hunters, however, were the only ones who were allowed to actually kill the prey. The beaters basically created a diversion. Therefore, beating around the bush is creating a distraction to avoid confronting the actual issue, or prey, as it were.
Example:
Idiot: Don’t beat around the bush! Are you trying to say that my ball stench makes you gag? Because if that’s what you’re saying, then that’s awesome.
Nip It In the Bud
Meaning: Put a stop to something before it has a chance to develope.
Origin: This phrase derived from gardening practices, and because gardeners don’t often have to come up with new names for things (since plants have been around since forever), the idiom’s language, and therefore its meaning, hasn’t really changed much. A bud is a flower that’s just beginning to blossom. Cutting a flower off in the budding phase will kill it before it has a chance to bloom, or become something larger.
Example:
Frat Dude: Yeah. I found out she had herpes so I didn’t bone her anymore. Totally nipped it in the bud, right dude?
Take It With a Grain of Salt
Meaning: To accept what you hear, but be skeptical about its validity.
Origin: Back in the old days (before the internet), salt was believed to possess healing properties. Keep in mind that this is also a time when they thought draining your body of blood was a good thing, and that retarded people were possessed by demons. If someone suspected their meal of being poisoned (which apparently happened a lot back then), they would add a pinch of salt to combat the poisonous ingredients, probably because poison back then was really sweet and if you didn’t add a little salt to contrast it, the flavors just wouldn’t be balanced. The phrase "take it with a grain of salt" derived from this culinary practice and was applied to the exchange of information, the analogy being that a lie in conversation is the equivalent of poison on your pork chops, which coincidentally are always better with a little salt.
Example:
Jazz Hands: Richard Simmons says he’s not gay.
Hot Pants: In that outfit?
Jazz Hands: Yeah. He bejeweled it himself.
Hot Pants: I’d take that info with a grain of salt. Bejewelers are really hard to find these days.
Courtney Love & Muppet Sexual Assault
Playboy’s Big Dance March Madness Bracket Challenge
“If mama ain’t happy…” = http://bit.ly/4qe9C1
O.K., we’ve heard from the Tacos. Please don’t make this religious too.
Besame culo
Tons que cabrones!! orale vatitos I bought me a “traje de luces” coz ni novia Mariana wants to see me in a tight suit like those putos españoles y franchutes dat stole gold, silver and our women 500 years ago in my home country MEXICO. orale, dats why we now steal, sell drugs and cross into Norte America illegally even tho you see us sticking to our mexican bible studies preaching da word of Guadalupe y Hezoos!
orale!
Soy el primero PUTOS! and that name stealing beeeAHHHch can chupa my pinga con los guevos tambien!
Dos Chicas, Un Vaso.
I’ve seen someone tape a cat’s feet like that before. It was hilarious.
I hope noone notices what a suck-up little bitch I am when I celebrate the clever repliles that Justin comes up with for all the douchebags commenting in HT. I also hope DonkeyXote gets his ass pnwed so that he will finally stop coming here and I can scream victory once and for all.
Watch out for my other ID in where I pose as a Mexicano saying witty things like “puto”, “guevos”, “traje de luces”, “pinga” and – my all-time favourite – “primero”
Hey Justin, I joined a loooong time ago and cant remember my password, how do I reset it so I don’t have to type those words at the bottom anymore?
Fack Jew! Deed jew onderstahnd that hijueputa!
I hate you…
Bitch got pnwed!!!! Lolz
Wow, you guys really aren’t keeping any secrets about your desire to be Cracked.com anymore are you?
Great piece, informative and funny.
Keep up the good work!!
Hi Justin! I’m from Canada and they say I’m a little slow, eh?
AHHAAA!! IT IS CATCHING ON, OTHER PEOPLE ARE THINKING THE SAME THING, DONKEYXOTE IS PHILOSOPHER!!
Phewww… good thing you capitalized every word on that reply otherwise you might have fooled us into thinking that’s not “DonkeyXote is the new Philosopher” with another of his lame monikers!
Obie Kanobie out!!
Hey asshole, wasn’t I Mexican according to your half-assed deductions? and now I’m Canadian!? No doubt you really got to stay off the internet, otherwise my image might soon haunt your sleep with horrible and traumatizing nightmares!
P.S. I was actually vouching for the US on Final Hockey match, you FUCKWIT!
Oh, and I forgot to mention that the cat picture looks just like me after my family is done with me for the night!
It’s called BUKAKE…and I so love it!
veinte segundos