Viagra In Condoms Further Helps You Have Sex With People You Don’t Like

If you’re one of those guys that hates using condoms because when you do your tallywacker becomes so bored that it wonders why you woke it up in the first place, then the wonderful world of science is currently developing a product just for you.

Future Medical, the manufacture of this new wonder rubber, says their new condom will have its interior coated with a Viagra-like gel that promotes healthy, strong erections that will not succumb to the tyranny of muted sexual sensation brought on by regular condoms. In other words, the condom is like cocaine for your penis: it makes it feel invincible, if only for a few minutes. So imagine that climactic final scene of Scarface where Tony Montana snorts a mountain of blow and takes dozens of bullets to the chest, and then replace Al Pacino with a penis and the mountain of coke with something that looks like viscous blob of liquid hand sanitizer. And this is there part where you supply your own “Say hello to my little friend” joke.

As of right now the condom has no marketable name, and is currently being called the CSD500, which leads me to believe it is also a smartphone that live tweets your ejaculations.

Future Medical also claims the condoms will actually make erections bigger, which begs the question:  if you were to place one of these condoms over your head to inflate it in a silly fashion, would your head become tumescent? What if the condom breaks? Does your lover’s vagina swell to Godzilla-like proportions?

While these questions may remain unanswered until the condoms are released, ultimately, I have to wonder why men are freaking out about condom-caused shrinkage. Guys, if you notice that your penis is looking a little loose in that prophylactic, just stuff some socks in there to fill out the gaps.  You did it to make that boozed-up tramp at the bar think you were packing some serious heat in the jockeys, why not use the same tactic while you make love to her? But, I must warn you, if you do employ the usage of socks, make sure they aren’t the socks you just wore at the gym. No woman wants to be saddled with a case of Athlete’s Puss.