A chimpanzee in Russia was recently sent to rehab to combat a crippling addiction to alcohol and cigarettes. Here’s a limerick about it:
So your chimp likes the taste of the booze?
And he vomits on zoo-goer’s shoes?
Just confront your frustration
Give him rehabilitation
And make Lindsey Lohan his muse.
A batshit crazy guy in Paris was arrested for aggressively attacking over 100 trees. The man claims that trees carry evil spirits, and he was attempting to exorcise the demons from them. Here’s a limerick about it:
There once was a man from Par-ee
Who saw ghosts in a large chesnut tree.
"Holy shit, this is groovy!
It’s just like my movie!"
M. Night Shayamalan shouted with glee.
A Tennessee woman drank a 40 of malt liquor, then went into her child’s school with a sword in an attempt to confront the parents of a bully student who was terrorizing her kid. Here’s a limerick about it:
Someone spit on your kid in 4th grade.
You ran drunk through the school with a blade.
But your son didn’t see
‘Cause he’s in Tennessee
Smoking meth in an abandoned arcade.
George, a Great Dane from Arizona was recently declared the world’s tallest dog. He’s 3’7" tall and weighs 245lbs. Here’s a limerick about it:
There once was a dog from Ar’zoner,
Who’s Dick was the size of his owner.
His world record height
was a glorious site
Let’s just pray that he don’t get a boner!
A New Jersey family sculpted a snow recreation of the Venus de Milo on their front lawn. The neighbors complained that it was pornographic, and the police forced the family to put a bikini on the sculpture. Here’s a limerick about it:
Make a snow woman with perfect titties
That you think is artsy and pretty
Then neighbors hee-haw
So you give it a bra
Someone should’ve just told you it’s shitty.