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Wait, What Happened? – May 9th, 2011

what happened?

Alright everyone. You were probably so busy worrying about what to do for your mom for Mother’s day, that you didn’t pay attention to the world around you. Your water cooler anecdotes are going to sound really lame if you’re completely clueless. Read this, sound more intelligent. Don’t be an asshole.

Save The Date! Glee 3D Comes Out August 12th!

I’ll be marking that date on my calendar with a special note that reads “The world as you know it has officially ended.” Then I will embark on my Alexander Supertramp-esque pilgrimage to the wilds of Northern Washington. Or some place where Glee can’t get me.

full article at Deadline New York

The Situation Is Getting His Own Spinoff

Ok, world feel free to end. These two stories are a pretty clear indication that we’re fresh out of good ideas and nobody gives a shit about books anymore. Maybe we’re being a bit hard on the Sitch. I mean, something really good may come of this. We are talking about the guy who brought us a series of workout DVD’s, protein infused vodka, and shoe jewelry. Clearly he is an endless source of profitable, entertaining ideas.

Full article at MTV.com

The World Population Will Reach Over 10 Billion By The End of the Century

If you think there’s not enough food, jobs and housing to go around now, get ready, because it’s only going to get worse. People keep on having sex with each other and we’re getting really good at saving lives. A good old fashioned plague would thin the herd a bit, but modern medicine is too advanced to let that happen. Make room everybody!

Full article at The New York Times

Bin Laden Was Planning An Old Timey Terrorist Attack On U.S. Railroads

That really would’ve done a number on us in 1910.

Full article at New York Daily News

Walmart Has Officially Taken All Your Money

The Forbes 500 list was recently released and every fat person’s favorite retail chain claimed the number one spot. In this failing American economy, it’s nice to see the little guys moving up on the food chain.

Full article at CNN Money

Donald Trump’s “Trump University” Not An Really a University

Straight from the pages of No Shit Monthly! Trump’s curriculum of real estate courses that still seem to lead it’s students into believing that buying real estate and flipping houses is a great way to make mega dollars is pretty much ass-wind. Trump would be way more qualified to teach courses on “How To Make a Shitty Face” and “How To Wear An Unconvincing Comb-Over”

Full article at The Huffington Post

Wiggers And Goat Humpers No Longer Welcome In Florida

Two new pieces of legislation are likely to be passed in Florida very soon banning two things that are a real scourge on society: Sagging pants and beastiality. That’s right, pig-diddling Kris Kross fans, take your vacations elsewhere!

Full article at MSNBC

One Response to "Wait, What Happened? – May 9th, 2011"

  1. DonkeyXote says:

    “A good old fashioned plague would thin the herd a bit, but modern medicine is too advanced to let that happen. Make room everybody!”