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We Interview Cory Jones, Head Of Holy Taco, On Today, His Last Day

 
 
A year and a half ago, Cory Jones and myself were hired to start Holy Taco. It was supposed to be a blog recapping episodes of "Law And Order: Special Victims Unit". But early on, we just felt like we should take it in a different, less "Special Victims" direction. Today is Cory’s last day, as he’s moving on to other adventures, so we thought we’d do an interview with him, saying goodbye.
 
Justin Halpern: What made you want to take this job in the first place?
 
Cory Jones: Well, that’s an interesting question. In that it’s a really non-interesting question. I took it because I like jokes about sharting. So the way I saw it, this was a great opportunity to get my shart jokes in front of as many people as possible
 
 
JH: I think my favorite thing that you’ve written, was an IM to me that said "I have to leave early to play with my cat." What’s your favorite thing you’ve ever written?

CJ: I think my favorite thing I’ve written for HolyTaco was the "8 Common Resume Mistakes You Should Avoid." It wasn’t the most popular thing I ever put up…and come to think of it, it wasn’t popular at all. But, much the same way parents love their retarded children more than their not retarded children, I think that may have been the reason I liked it so much.

My favorite IM I ever wrote to you was: "Can you not diahrrea once?"

 

JH: The answer to that question is still, "no." When we first started, this site was supposed to be celebrity gossip commentary, and men’s style and shit like that. But I think our boss didn’t realize that you and I don’t know, or give a shit about either one of those two things, so we just started writing whatever we thought was funny. And luckily, the site became successful, in the same way that making it to the toilet before throwing up is considered successful.  Why do you think we were able to get an audience?

CJ: I think the site has grown because we just tried to put up stuff that made both of us laugh. And if we laughed, then there was a good chance someone else is out there who would laugh, too. God, that’s a lame answer. What I meant to say was, "Balls titties balls boobs."

 
 
JH: I think of the really f*&ked up and sick conversations we’ve ever had, and there have been a ton because we’re both pretty gross people who IM each other 9 hours a day, the grossest is when you posed the question to me; "Would you rather get a BJ from a dude, or get banged in the ass by a chick wearing a strap on?" This question actually started our drunken argument fridays. Okay, just so all the world knows, what’s your answer to that question?
CJ: I’m a member of a bi-weekly drinking club and we have a rule that limits us to 2 minutes of debating this topic, otherwise we spend the whole night screaming things like "INTO YOUR ASSHOLE!" and "HAVE YOU EVER FELT A BEARD ON YOUR BALLS?" inside crowded bars. That’s how awesome of a question it is. I think I’m in the minority on this one, but I am firmly in the "bj from a dude" camp. And not cause I like dudes. I just break it down to it’s very basic elements, and at the end of the day I would rather get a blowjob than fucked in the ass. (By the way, we determiend that the length of each would be 10 minutes. So, imagine getting fucked in the ass for ten minutes. Then imagine getting a blowjob for ten minutes. Case closed.)
I could honestly give you ten more reasons why I chose bj, but this answer could go on forever.
 
 
JH: You’ve written a ton of things on this site that I’ve loved, but the one that you did that is maybe my favorite, is the Sarah Palin Facebook page, which ended up getting forwarded around everywhere, and ultimately ending with the Telegraph newspaper in London linking to Holy Taco, and them calling us a "humour" site. So my question is, did your dad finally say he loved you after that?

CJ: No, the only thing my dad said after that was "I don’t love your mother anymore. I’ll talk to you next year."

(If you’re reading this, Dad, just kidding. Talk to you next year.)

JH: If there’s one thing I can expect from working with you on a daily basis, is that you’re going to send me a picture or a .gif that involves a disgusting sex act or a an animals penis. So, of all the pictures you’ve found and uploaded on to HT, can you show us your favorite?

 
CJ: If there’s one thing I like, it’s dependability. And I want you to know that even after I’m gone, I’m still going to IM you a gif of an interspecies orgy because, at the end of the day, that’s what brings us together.

It’s almost impossible to narrow it down to one image, but if someone put an aardvark penis to my head and forced me to choose, I think this one sums our photo section up the best:
 

 
 
JH: Now that you’re moving on, I just want to say that it’s been a pleasure starting this site with you. I have many fond memories. Those were two unrelated statements. You will be missed here at the taco. So, my last question is, is there anything you’d like to say to the readers, before you go.
 
CJ: I can safely say that starting and building HolyTaco has been the high point of my career and, if I’m being really honest, life. Seeing it grow and being able to have a job where we sit around and think up things like "A Powerpoint Presentation For Shitting Your Pants" is really awesome. Sure, maybe we could be trying to cure herpes, but let’s face it, herpes is comedy gold, so, if we cured herpes, HolyTaco wouldn’t be nearly as funny. (I think that makes sense.)

But seriously, I just want to thank everyone who’s ever come to this site. HolyTaco has grown bigger than I ever really imagined and it’s been a blast to try and make you guys (and girls) laugh every day. Without you, we would’ve just been…well, we probably would’ve been the same thing, but with a lot fewer visitors.

And, the good news is Justin is taking over as head of the site, which means it will only get better. I mean, seriously, he wrote the "Anal Sex To Chili’s Analogy" which is probably the greatest thing that has ever been uploaded to an Interweb. I can’t wait to see the "Hand Job To Cracker Barrel Analogy" (Can you put that up next week?)
 

34 Responses to "We Interview Cory Jones, Head Of Holy Taco, On Today, His Last Day"

  1. Buddy Ice says:

    You’re going to leave a balding jew in charge? He’s going to start making us pay to leave comments.

  2. coco7wewe says:

    Godspeed, Mr. Jones! You will certainly be missed!

  3. Goodbye Sweet Prince says:

    Enjoy your gay porn career

  4. himself says:

    is that a pocket watch around his neck???

    fucking brilliant.

  5. Deborah Day says:

    nashville sucks. eat it, jones.

  6. EllaB says:

    I’m so sad, Cory. You wanna make out?

  7. kyle says:

    I think you overlooked some of the classic posts, and remembered only the more recent ones. My favorites of all time are the “10 items you think make you cool, but don’t” and “If states had an official state person”

    I actually have used the term “California shaded douchebag” in casual conversation, at which point the conversation changed from casual, to fucking awkward.

  8. Buddy Ice says:

    Ha

  9. bob (rull talk) suarez says:

    the nation of Guam loves you

  10. suomynona says:

    thanks for all your great work Cory. this site is one of my favorites on all the internets. it’s right up there with kangroo porn and thumbwrestling.com! vaya con diablos!

  11. Anonymous says:

    I heard Cory was going to go be Paul Ulane’s bitch again. Any truth to that rumor?

  12. CrazyCueball says:

    God damnit! I wanted to see naked chicks this morning, not cry like a fucking baby! I’m gonna really, really miss you man, whoever you are

  13. TrillVille says:

    Good luck, man. You can really come up with some fucked up but funny shit.

  14. Anomynous says:

    I’ll pay you NOT to leave comments.

  15. justin says:
    That’ll be 45 cents. 
  16. Jason says:

    Cory, what company are you heading to? Are you still gonna write shit and make dick jokes?

  17. Bobba Fatt says:

    Is there any truth to the rumor that you’re something of a cunt butler?

  18. Shizzire says:

    Monocle

  19. T-thal says:

    By the way, people in FL can’t win contests ever because of some old lady clause. Which is why I try softer, not harder.

  20. NoPantsOnLastDayofWork says:

    You’ve been thinking
    And I’ve been drinking
    We both know that it’s just not right
    Now you’re pretending
    That it’s not ending
    You’ll say anything to avoid a fight
    Girl don’t lie, and tell me that you need me
    Girl don’t cry, and tell me nothing’s wrong
    I’ll be alright one way or another
    So let me go, or make we want to stay

    Cory. I will miss you, man.

  21. SMH says:

    GAYEST … FUCKING … POST … EVER.

    Jesus hairy tits scrotum god DAMN.

  22. Tanner says:

    Well, in that case, the only option is el BJ.

  23. cory says:
    The question was about GETTING a bj. Justin made a typo. I swear, I like chicks.
  24. Tanner says:

    Cory, before you leave us all behind and pursue your bold new world of adventure, I just wanna say one thing:

    The question was whether or not you’d GIVE a blowjob to another dude, not RECEIVE a blowjob from another dude.

    And, oh yeah, thank you for the laughs.

  25. T-thal says:

    You guys……. reach for the stars!

  26. Pierre says:

    I had never seen that Resume Workshop post before, so i read it.

    fucking brilliant.

    good luck cory

  27. C. Norris says:

    On second thought, I am happy you at least put a picture of her with a toilet seat around her neck. That works.

  28. justin says:
    It’s true, i contemplated using the picture of cory fucking this guy’s mom in the ass, but our advertisers frown on that kind of stuff.
  29. C. Norris says:

    I have a hard time believing that anyone advertising on this website realy has a list of things they frown upon… Now put up the pic.

  30. Anonymous says:

    Who the hell is this dork and why should we care?

  31. John says:

    The dude who fucks your mom in the ass.

  32. NoPantsOnLastDayofWork says:

    He’s your father, Luke.

    Now shut up and pay the man some respect.

  33. Paul says:

    Good luck with whatevers next Cory.

  34. John says:

    I sent you that black amputee toilet hardware handjob porn pic. I’m so proud.