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We Live In A World Where 90 Girls In One High School Are Having Babies

As birds and fish die by the thousands around the world, there is only one shining beacon that acts as an example of life flourishing en masse. Sadly, that shining beacon is found in Memphis, and it is not due to a nearly extinct creature experiencing a population explosion, but rather, a bunch of high school chicks putting out without the safety net of a condom; thus loading themselves up with babies the world doesn’t need.

The seats in the cafeteria of Frayser High School in Memphis, Tennessee should be retro-fitted with stirrups, because 90 of their students were pregnant this school year, which amounts to 11% of the entire student body – a student body that is currently experiencing labor pains and a late night hankering for fried pickles.

When reached for comment about the pregnancies, Memphis City School Board member Stephanie Gatewood said this:

“Noting that our young ladies absolutely did not get pregnant in the hallways of our schools”

She’s right. They didn’t. They did it the Southern way: drunk off daddy’s whiskey in the flatbed of a ’93 F-150 with the rhythm of Skynard’s Tuesday’s Gone acting as a metronome for perfectly timed romantic pelvic thrusts. It’s a tried and true sexual practice that some might call the rhythm method, but in Tennessee they call it the Rebel Yell. Get it? It’s because they’re southern.

While Gatewood’s comment may seem like a bit of a no-brainer, it is probably a bit of a letdown for Memphis’ large exhibitionist pedophile population that was seeking to finally finish high school while at the same time getting their rocks off atop the school seal.

The truly sad part of it all is that if there is ever a movie about a high school kid in Memphis that wants to get laid before he graduates, we’ll instantly know that movie is pure unrealistic bullshit. And if someone does make that movie, we’re calling the ending right now: it turns out he’s gay.

7 Responses to "We Live In A World Where 90 Girls In One High School Are Having Babies"

  1. DonkeyXote says:

    Chances are all those newborn babies are gonna share the same father from about a very small sample of dudes. xD

  2. DonkeyXote says:

    “Noting that our young ladies absolutely did not get pregnant in the hallways of our schools”

    Way to wash the guilt off their hands! It is the school’s responsability to repotenciate whatever sex education those kids are having at home. No wonder why teachers in America are getting such a bad rep, if the teachers can’t deliver quality in fields of maths, English, science and whatnot… then what could you posibly expect in areas of basic common sense and ethics?

  3. yourallstupid says:

    who gives a shit if people are having kids, people have to stop telling others what to do with their lives. its not your problem if someone else has a kid so why does everyone always care, yea its stupid to have a kid this young in this world but you cant shove useless tax payers money down there mouths to tell them its stupid. I dont see 90 students who screwed up i see 180 parents who cant keep track of their kids.

  4. Jasper says:

    To me, this is a sure sign of decay in our society.

    The parents (one or both) of these girls are probably so busy holding down two and three jobs to make ends meet that they have no time left for guiding their own children.

    Most of the fathers of these girls are probably nonexistent.

    Much of this is a result of a dysfunctional, single-parent household with some drugs probably added into the mix.

    Lastly, none of these young girls have even the remote chance of being able to financially support their child’s upbringing, especially in this economic climate. Some will be booted out of their house by the parent(s). No where to go and most likely no one to turn to, they will become welfare moms, putting additional burden on the taxpayers in this country.

    I fear for future generations if this trend continues.

  5. Eandawenio says:

    Wow, nearly 100% of the student population qualifies for free or reduced lunches, but they sure dress well. The little known fact is that children of welfare children bring gramma home more bacon than their own kids, so mom tells daughter to go get dem guts busted up.