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We Live In A World Where A Man Slashes People’s Butts in Retail Stores


Butt-centric fears used to be prison related. We all once feared breaking the law so harshly that we would be sent to prison and get our rears blasted by scary dudes. Today, those fears have been replaced with the fear of shopping at a retail store and getting your ass flesh slashed apart by a mad man with a razor blade.

So, yeah. We live in a world where you can get your ass slashed apart while shopping.

I don’t think I want to live in this world anymore. I like my ass. I don’t want it diced.

In Virginia, there is a man that, since February, has been walking in to retail outlets like Forever 21, causing some sort of distraction, and using the ensuing brief chaotic moment to use a knife or a razor blade to make inch-and-a-half long slices in their butts.

You breathe the same air as this man. He eats food, just like you. When he wakes up and gets dressed to tackle the day, he puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like you. Difference is, after you put your pants on, he feels your pants will look much nicer if there was ass-blood streaming down them.

There is a man that lives on the same planet as you who woke up one morning and gave some serious thought to whether or not he should pursue his life-long dream of cutting asses at random in retail stores. And then, maybe 12-seconds in to this thought process, he decided it was a great idea.

This man probably goes to Starbucks in the mornings to get his daily jolt of caffeine so he has the fuel to slash asses…for fun. You see him standing in line and to you he’s just a normal guy. But little do you know that he’s checking out your ass. And not because he admires it and would very much like to lick it, like an average man does. He’s checking it out because he really, really wants to cut it with a sharp thing. And he actually might do just that.

That’s the world we live in. That’s the world you live in. A world where with every man you see there’s a chance that he might be the one that slashes your ass.

People are f*cked up, man.

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