Man, staying topical in this internet comedy writing game can be tough sometimes. There are days when we scower the internet for something, anything, funny to write about and there’s just nothing; the world is a wasteland. Slow news days, they call’em. On a good day one of us will find an article or a news story that has one or many elements that we can riff on for 500 or more words. Other days we’re lucky if we can find an article that we can squeeze a couple hundred words out of. But then there are those days when we are lucky enough to find a news story that essentially makes fun of itself. Every joke you can think of is already built in to the article; no need to do anything.
Today is one such day. Why? Because I found a news story about a guy from Zimbabwe that was arrested for having sex with a donkey. But not just any donkey. The man, who goes by the name Moyo, claims the donkey is actually a human prostitute that at night transforms in to a donkey.
I feel like I was digging through a mine rich with gold deposits, and then I swung my pick axe and hit a vein loaded with oil and mint editions of Superman #1.
One night, Moyo was feeling a bit randy and decided to pay a lady of the night to pleasure him. He found the prostitute he liked best, took her back to his place, paid her $25, had his way with her, and promptly fell asleep. The next morning Moyo was shocked to discover that people were accusing him of having sex with a donkey. It’s around this point when I should mention that Moyo had been hitting the sauce a little bit before he set out on his journey for some poon. How hard was he drinking that night is tough to say, seeing as the article I’m getting this from doesn’t go in to heavy detail. But one can assume that if you can’t remember if you had sex with a human or a donkey the night before, then there’s a good chance that he was moderately to earth shatteringly drunk. He was a level of drunk no man has ever lived to tell the tale of. Or, at the very least, no many has ever remembered any details of in order to tell the tale with any semblance of coherence. In short, and to put it simply, Moyo had to have been so drunk that he thought a donkey was a human.
But it doesn’t end there.
At his court hearing, Moyo made his case. It’s around this time when I kick my feet up and let segments of the source article write this rest of this article for me. Oh, and don’t worry about me misquoting someone or misrepresenting someone or showing you quotes that are completely out of context – this is a story about a man that thinks he f*cked a shape shifting prostitute. I don’t really have a whole lot of room to work in misrepresentation and slander.
“…he claims in court that he had hired a prostitute who during the night transformed into a donkey.”
“He says that he is now “seriously in love” with the animal, state media said Wednesday.”
“’I think I am also a donkey. I do not know what happened when I left the bar, but I am seriously in love with (the) donkey,’”
And my job is done for the day.
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