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Weed Coffee? Yeah No…We’ll Take The Real Thing


(It’s the most dissonant combination since Vodka and Red Bull. And it’s probably just as likely to stop your heart.)

Legal, a new coffee product infused with cannabis, is on its way to store shelves in Washington state starting next month, pending regulation hurdles that have kinda mucked up sales of the real thing. Each bottle comes with 20 milligrams of THC, which the company Mirth Divisions describes as comparable to “a nice IPA or glass of wine.” In other words, nothing that will get you high. Just like the myriad THC-laced products that have been out there for years, I’m sure the idea of weed coffee is better than the actual product.

At about $10 per 11-ounce bottle, expect to get as much liquid as one of those stupid Starbucks espresso cans and nowhere near the buzz as, you know, a dime bag. Meanwhile, I drink coffee to wake up and be alert, which is pretty much the polar opposite of what Mary Jane does for you.

And if that doesn’t get you running in the opposite damn direction, check out the description on the website of the Lemon Ginger flavor: “This delicious fusion of tangy lemon and spicy ginger is so ridiculously relaxing that you may find yourself becoming one with your furniture. Whether you’re melting into a beach blanket or parked on the sofa, prepare for many glorious hours of doing absolutely nothing.”

Kill yourself. But not before you pass a joint and a cup of black coffee.

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