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You can get a bendy straw at Starbucks!? WTF, I’ve been getting regular ones for years! Damn, I’ve totally been missing out.
Did you hear a record needle scratching when you read that too?
I’m now the owner of a melted boner.
Terrible =/= Idiotic
I think the comments make me laugh harder than the actual articles somtimes. Fucking amazing.
I’ve got a crab-ridden taint:
http://www.FilthyRichmond.com
hhahaha…dear god….
Palindrome FTW!!
I’m sorry, have you ever read any of the “greatest authors”? And if Rowling has an extensive knowledge of mythology, it is not displayed in Harry Potter, where most of the “mythology” is taking names descriptions that could be drawn from a reference book and mixing them all up into something new.
I’m not against Harry Potter or J. K. Rowling, but you’re an idiot.
The Dan Brown one is very true, the chapters are so small and they’re basically like that to make people seem like they’re fast readers.
—-
Watch TV Online
They’re terribly written. Not being published doesn’t mean not being able to READ and analyze enough to know that. Plenty of complete shit is published (Twilight or any Dan Brown novel for example). Plenty of amazing books are never seen or heard of. You don’t need to be a director to know a terrible movie when you see it, and you don’t need to be an author to know when a book is terrible.
Sorry, I’m already spoken for.
What is sad is the degree to which you like the smell of your own farts.
Harry Potter is the second best selling book ever
Last time i was on a plane i read Ron Paul’s “Revolution A Manifesto”. I wonder what that says about me? Perhaps I’m one of the 5 percent of people in this country that understands whats really going on?
no i think hes right, this isnt funny at all. try reading a good book and stop being a close minded dick sucking shit face.
Absolutely… something by Rob Zombie… no biting and draining, but a lot of throat-ripping and blood-bathing while the vamps call their victims “Food”, “Moron” and “Twilight Fan”.
Okay really…the Ron Paul stuff is over… get with it he lost
Based on that statement, i’d say it means:
“Political Wonk With Interesting Points No One Will Ever Know Because He Insists on Being a Self-Righteous Wanker When Talking”
i think it says that your arrogant, honestly do you need to anonymously brag on a website?
Over? We just got a bill HR 1207 over 50% support in the house today. This is far from over buddy. You better start reading.
“but to know its fluff and still read it is a very sad thing indeed”
this is ridiculous mate
wtf is this, Juno?
Thank God for Cracked.
Not really such a long shot, Mao’s little red book comes surprisingly close.
It turns out you can get a lot of readers when you can force a fifth of the world’s population to read something. Who knew?
wait….so you consider the above list “good books”? I see…
You forgot the Koran: “Men who like women in sheets.”
That you’re sexually interested in short old men with no hair?
But the funny thing is that you can judge a book by its cover.
As long as you can separate yourself fro your emotional reactions for a short while, you can see which stories the publishers believed in enough to hire a decent cover artist. Do not look for things that appeal for specific people, look at the quality and originality of the cover artwork.
The next step is to look closely at the content of the cover image. If it is a fantasy novel, is it covered with humanoid shaggy dogs in armor, or an orc being disemboweled with a halberd? This gives the reader a good idea of who the story is aimed at, and their mental age.
Then I read the blurb on the back to see if it has anything interesting to say, and says it in an interesting way. Cliche phrases and unimaginative blurb writing also says how much the publisher believed in the story.
It is no guarantee, but it works 98% of the time.
This saying comes from a time when every book was bound in the same colored material. Often with the only text on the spine.
Yeah, all those Ron Paul supporters are so smart, they understand everything except the fact that their candidate never had the slightest chance of being president.
I think it says that you’re most likely a late teens to twenties male with more sense of outrage than you have actual sense. GG
Start buying Newport stock everyone!
Cool story sis!
I’m pretty sure of that too….lol
Cool story bro!
no it isn’t
We lost? I think the American people lost.
Yes 7 million drones can’t be wrong…
well said
Hilarious, especially the last one.
I’m so anonymous, go internet!
everything you just said was incorrect… I’m astounded when people try and defend harry potter as good literature. Its fluff…
And what would the cover of that book say about me? “I troll the internets!”. Just kidding… Seriously though, Michael Dukakis should have won in ’88 !!!
So you know….even Jewish fairy tales can have value, and you should read the way this one ends. Check it out sometime or maybe even dust it off and give it another chance. Hasn’t anybody ever read a book more than once? Of course – you never know what you may find in there – fairy tale or not, it’s a really good read.
how did twilight not make it on this list?
“I’m a 13 year old girl, tremble at my ability to push horrible literature on everybody else!”
You may consider harry potter to be a childs book, but most of the so called greatest authors can’t touch rowling when it comes to symbolism or captivating a reader, not to mention her extensive knowledge of mythology.
We’d get it all back in 20 minutes. Didn’t you see Chappelle’s Show?
for the barack obama one it should have said: “I want everyone to like me so im reading a barack obama book even though its full of fucking shit.”
A BLACK MAN IS PRESIDENT…. REPARATIONS!!!!
taco For The Win!!! chuck shmuck! jews…. classic!
butthurt
twilight gets me laid by those teen/preteens. i just put in fake vampire teeth, the crappy plastic kind, and go chill by the middle school
if Barrack Obama, John Mccain, Hillary Clinton , that guy from new york, huccabee, Nader and all those other people that ran didn’t run for president and he was the only name on the ballet he would have totally won
Less than the Idiots that thought McCain Had a chance
Palahnuik is still great…but I do feel that way now reading the books.
ROTFL, dude thats the funnies thing I ever seen (except for the Bible one) LOL
RT
http://www.online-privacy.vze.com
unfortunately, more and more teenage kids whose mommies and daddies got them the 16 gig itouch rather than the 32 gig feel quite angsty at starbucks and start reading his stuff to vent out their deep and twisted hurt over such a betrayal while drinking a venti frappuccino extra whipped cream through a bendy straw.
wrf is all the hype over twilight? its just something else for preteen girls to swoon over and then have the hopes and dreams of someday becoming a fictional blood sucking leach of an animated corpse. aim high little girls, and keep scrubbing away at that acne. some day, you too can become something that doesnt exist.
hey, long time no see…mmrph mrphf.
That was the best one of them all. So true. Silly bronze age myths.
The bible one is the truest of them all.
That makes sense in the abstract but I don’t think it’s 98% of the time. For example, Chris Hitchen’s “God is not Great” is a master piece and the publishers whored it to no end, yet the cover is just plain yellow with the title in black font. In contrast, the self produced “The Absurdity of Philosophy” by Azrienoch (who’s writing isn’t fantastic btw) has a most amazing painted cover. I know this is anecdotal but I don’t know if a large sample study has ever been done on this.
However I know one thing. Graphic design is a profession but virtually everyone knows or has the talent to make an appealing design for free, and when publishers do it it’s not like the spend tons of money when, depending on what they are going for, it may just take a photographer and some basic computer skills.
A better indicator would be how heavy a publisher pimps a work but then again they’re doing it because it will sell, not because its a work of art.
And my band now has an awesome name.
Ladies and gentlemen … CRAB-RIDDEN TAINT!!!
someones been reading too many old jewish fairy tales
Riiiiiggghhhhttt. Newsflash, Bozo. Take any five-minute sampling of anything written by Tolkein or Heinlein and you’ll rack up more excellent symbolism and Mythological references than all of Rowlings’ work combined.
Just checked. It definitely is. By a loooooong shot.
Pretty sure the Bible is the best-selling book of all time, actually. Just saying.
I can’t believe how fucking unfunny this is.
Look up HCR 50 in the texas house of representatives.
And that one about Dan Brown is priceless; Just flew a week ago and saw some idiot reading that (in first class, btw).
Good one, Rush.
Would you like some curry powder with your hat?
I think your hat is safe.
Seriously…
It’s true that it’s a bronze age collection of morally contradicting fairy tales. Give me evidence to the contrary, and I’ll eat my hat.
Fluff? Yes. Enjoyable fluff? Also yes.
I like Ron Paul, but people like you ruin him. Shut your pompous whore mouth!
haha, thanks. no, i dont think starbucks actually does have bendy straws. if they did id be all over it though! and then write my new novel on my ibook so everyone could see how intellectual and hip i am. then go home and jerk it to a good poem or possibly martha stuart living. depends on how dirty im feeling.
Fluff? Compared to what exactly? Literature is about telling a story and making you think for yourself and perhaps even entertain you. This is what I hate about pseudo intellectuals, its not good enough unless voltaire wrote it or something. Step off your high horse, and realize that the womans books have sold more copies than the jewsih fairy tales aformentioned. Prick.
very good
Tell me one good book and i’ll tell you what a closed minded dick sucking shit face reads.
only sometimes
Sigh* Oh jews…
indeed, almost as creative as being the douche who tells people to read a book on holytaco.com,
now THAT is truly pathetic individual.
I love you Rachel. If you have nice breasts, I’ll marry you and that sardonic wit.
I would laugh at this but it’s probably true.
They need to make some horrifyingly psychotic vampire movie that’s almost rated NC-17 for sheer brutality and gore.
completely 100% contextual.
its one thing to read it and enjoy it bc you’re in grade 7, or a slightly-to-very retarded adult with a limited knowledge of literature.
but to know its fluff and still read it is a very sad thing indeed.
damn that was hot
The best part was the part about the books.
i can’t believe I’m losing to this guy.
I wrote the Celestine Prophecy. Ever heard of it? Of course you haven’t, because you’re an illiterate prick.
yeah, you’re pretty much an idiot. Try again.
Wow, good one.
lol. it’s a joke. it’s funny. geez people.
I think it says you spent a great amount of time as one of the “Informed” right wing nut jobs, who insisted on telling everyone how moronic they are to believe the left ‘biased’ media, up until the point when it (the right) imploded and you needed some other non-liberal philosophy to be absolutely correct about. P.S. Ron Paul sounds like the old Purdue chicken guy. just sayin’.
Because a stack of papers of the same literary caliber of “Twilight” is like, totally awesome, man.
What’s idiotic about dan brown’s books?
at least several million people read his books. what bestseller have you written lately?
OK this is freakin hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!
jerk it?
I actually really enjoy the bathroom readers. Especially when I’m somewhere and I don’t really have time to read a chapter in something…I can read a little article in there. It’s kinda nice. The trivia comes in handy too.
so the 2 best selling books of all time a fairy tales, not sure which one involves more magic
coincidentally, i first read that book on a 3 hour flight from India to Dubai.
That first picture made me laugh like crazy, because of that alone.
Very true eurt yreV
if reading makes someone sound as smart as you i’m never reading again.
Indeed, at this point in time his hat may be the safest place on this planet.
Actually it is not a good read. Suggesting to someone they should read it from cover to cover hints me that you have not completely read it either. I have. It does not have an ending in the traditional sense. It just ends with batshit-crazy Nostradamus-style visions.
The New Testament has it’s moments, but the book is mostly windy, boring, incoherent, self-contradicting, amoral, and extremely violent.
“dick sucking shit face”
Creative.
No no. No no no. To think it’s fluff and still read it makes you self-aware, which is part of being an adult. To be under the impression it’s great literature and read it makes you deluded, which is pretty child-like. So know that it’s fluff, but go ahead and enjoy yourself because it’s high-quality fluff.
The people who are saying Harry Potter is for children all seem to be arguing that all fantasy novels are for children. I know plenty adults who enjoy reading Harry Potter. Yes, it began as a children’s book, but that was when the characters were 11 and 12, and even them there was some complexity to them. the point is that the books age with the target demographic. But seriously, this is a comedy site, and to expect more than jokes on this site is stupid. Arguments about what is good literature on a joke site are pointless.
That Harry Potter book definitly isn’t a Child book!!
Most Children wouldn’t understand most of what happens in it!
dizi izle dizi izle diziizle canli dizi
Finnegan’s Wake = back away slowly from reader, don’t make eye contact.
kiss ma ass
Aww look at all the cute little bible humping faggots getting all butthurt over the jewish fairy tale book.
to “I Disagree”: I love you. Your arguement is all that is needed.
Its very…true.
Harry Potter was good in the sense that it got alot of kids introduced to the genre.
But, there are definetly better fanstasy novels for that age group.
I agree with the previous statement. HP got people reading who usually wouldn’t pick up a book. Also, try starting a counter-argument with something more intelligent than “your an idiot”.
Hipster?
Sadly, it’s probably true.
I am always reading a book – and it is usually a fiction murder mystery. I hate blood and gore movies, but love mystery and suspense and stories about solving murders. It is very unlike anything else about me and I would love to know what it says about me. My appetite for these books is insatiable,
The Bible has helped many people to live better lives and be kind to one another. It has also helped many people to be judgmental douchebags that try to force their views on others and lose their sense of humor. Fuckers.
Toilet books rock. Heavy Metal magazine ftw.
The Secret is such a big joke. I would love to make a short film about a handful of devoted Oprah fans who have mastered the “Secret” and enter into reality altering warfare with each other over contradictions of will. (there will be blood)
I don’t even know what that yellow and red book is. Don’t care. No. Don’t reply telling me.
Much like stereo instructions, a manual is not a book.
Obama’s book alt title shoulda been “I’ll Even Buy This Book to Prove I’m Not Racist” by Every Guilt Ridden White
Rowling writes poorly. What? You liked the books? OK. So fucking what. She still writes like a child. Your love of her stories is no more valid than my opinion of her skill. I could write something as long as one of her books about the dumb, irritating, or dissonant shit in her stories. D minus. (but surely I’m wrong due to the huge sales, right?)
Brown’s books are not much better. He is the Winger of popular fiction. Some poor schmoe had his story purchased, well raped, watered down, sensationalized, and had fake spectacles put on it by Brown.
Funny shit as usual, HT. Rock on.
To “your stupid”
If you lack the ability to even write properly, I would greatly hesitate to even consider your opinion as worthy of consideration. This is far from an ad hominem argument, as i am merely considering the fact that most people who have read extensively should know the difference between “your” and “you’re”.
That said, these are books which span the age spectrum, so that I believe the Harry potter books are ‘fun’ for all ages, but I wouldn’t go so far as to call them astounding pieces of literature. They lack complexity, persist in the black/white distinction of moral acts [for the most part] and are written with a vocabulary that a 10 to 12 year old child should be able to understand. They *do* encourage people to read, and that is the major benefit of them.
“Duo cum faciunt idem, non est idem” – When two do the same, it’s not the same. I meanna two quite differert men may read one book, but motives and effects (interpreting) may be much various
Correction: I Enjoy Old Jewish Fairy Tales And Like To Apologize For Being Human.
Twilight is self-explanatory. It needs no Photoshop.
The problem with what you’re saying there is that “If it can be understood by a child, then it’s simply for children.” I read Jurassic Park when I was in middle school after watching the movie. I enjoyed it, I got the whole “cloning dinosaurs” thing. Since I got that – the single cohesive element of the entire FUCKING story – does that make Jurassic Park a children’s book?
People want to lump all the Harry Potter books into “children’s books” because it started off as such. But the level of sophistication in the books grew along with the audience. No one wants to recognize it as “real” literature because the NY Times Bestseller list decided all the intellectual elite needed to see something else in the top five slots – presumably to salve their own egos. So they shunt it off to one side with all the other YA titles like “young Indiana Jones.”
The fact of the matter is there isn’t a required word count to be considered “adult” literature. There really isn’t such a thing as an “adult” exclusive book. Unless you count porn. Which I do. And enjoy.
to quote mitch hedburg, any book is a childrens book if the kid can read
exactly
Heh, I actually have a lot of this mentality when I’m selling these books to customers. Although I’ll admit I highly enjoyed the Harry Potter books and I still wanna read Palahniuk.
The first couple of harry potter books were probably good for middle school aged children.. fun for adults to read, but the writing was a little childish.. however, as the series goes on it gets very dark and very adult. The vocabulary also isn’t very child like. It’s a good book for all ages and, best of all, it gets people reading who wouldn’t otherwise.
Children’s books are in the children’s section.
Your an idiot. Obviously Harry Potter is a child’s book and you are just dumb for reading it. And what wouldn’t children understand? death? magic? having a crush? missing your parents? These are all themes anyone can relate to so shut the fuck up about it not being a children’s books.
ÃÂþûþÑÂÂую ÷ð 4ÑŽ ))
you’re an idiot harry potters a sick book and the seventh one is definetly themed for young adults, so suck a dick, im way cooler then you by the way you pussy ass bitch
Well, for starters, I hate to shit all over your proud childhood moment but Jurassic Park was not well written. Some high-brow ideas in it, sure, but it is riddled with shoddy continuity and sloppy structure. JP was science pulp. That you read and understood it is to your credit but has nothing to do with the HP books and their level of quality.
The HP books are good for enticing young people into continued reading. Its not that they totally suck …. but they do suck a little. Every book is essentially a mystery. The answer to the mystery every time is “Voldemort.” Its like the end of every Scooby Doo show except it ends up being the same dude under the mask. The books can try to get past the Adults Only sign with it’s fake mustache of “darker content” but most of us can tell its just 2 kids in a trenchcoat.
The author’s intellectual oversights are forgivable if the books are for children. But if you want to claim that they belong on an even footing with standard fiction then they suffer under scrutiny. They are simply good kids books. Not great. Not genre spanning. Nothing to do with number of pages.
That Harry Potter book definitly isn’t a Child book!!
Most Children wouldn’t understand most of what happens in it!
Ulysses by James Joyce: I’m willing to endure 800 pages of indecipherable nonsense to look intelligent to you.
The Catcher In The Rye: I want to feel unique, but with as many people as possible.
anything by Ayn Rand: Practical or not, true or not, I love the idea of most people suffering so that the best people (me) can be happy.
Romeo and Juliet: Don’t hit on me, I’m in 9th grade.
What? No Twilight jokes?
Oh, give me a break. Harry Potter is fun and all but it is *clearly* written for children and young adults. It’s about freaking *wizards*, for chrissakes!
Go to your local library and see where they’ve catalogued the HP books. Oh, that’s right, they’re in the children’s section.
what the fuck do you normally read that you consider the HP books sophisticated?? They’re childrens books. End of story. I’ll give some examples of the two different genres so you understand better.
Sophisticated Adult: East of Eden – John Steinbeck
Unsophisticated Children: Harry Potter/Twilight
Sure they’re fun, but don’t try and make the argument that they’re sophisticated. That just makes you look like you’re in 8th grade…
i am 12 and what is this?
okay your an absolute dick man. keep your opinion to yourself. god.
If you are as smart as you think you are by writing that ridiculous comment….then why the FUCK are you on holy taco?
*ooooh weeee let’s argue anonymously with someone over the internet, yea yea, I’m a bad ass*
YOU MY FRIEND ARE A FIRST CLASS DUMB ASS!
It’s amazing….
You have really good books on this list and people are fighting over Harry Potter? Wow…I guess I am to old to be on this site. This obviously is for the 13 and under crowd!
wow did you just learn to swear? your an absolute ass
“Literature” is a matter of opinion. Who gives a rat’s ass if a novel’s written poorly, or has pulpy content? Who cares if the main character was abused as a child,if he isn’t engaging on some level? Stories were originally meant to ENTERTAIN or INFORM, not to depress or be analyzed word by word. I’d rather read some pulp magazine fiction than The Catcher in the Rye, or Ulysses, or some high-and-mighty piece of “literature” any day, hands down. Apparently, “literature” has to be depressing to be well-written. Whatever happened to reading being fun?
theese are hilarious!!!!
oh my goodness
its freaking Harry Potter
you all should try reading the New York Times
really funny, but you need to proofread your stuff a bit more diligently, you can see the original text under the word asshole on the fourth book :/
i pity you HOLYTACO…soon, you wont be laughing coz you didnt believe in “fairy tales”..sigh..
I can’t believe you missed my graduation party you dick
Where have you been over the last week, you know our son was having his graduation party! Wait till mom hears about this!
Did someone say something?
Hey, don’t bring me into this! I get enough shit from my neighbor–he’s an asshole!
Yeah, Dick!
Suck it, Dick! That’s right, all over your face!
not till just now
…
Thanks, i am pretty cool.
LOLOLOLOL you just made my day
reply button is for reply
@ John Mccain – I’m sure they will see your wife and Sarah Palin’s daughter their. Maybe they call all hang out and talk about your hang-ups. And have sex.
I <3 Rant bestest book ever.
Did you mean “ment”?
no, lullaby was the worst thing he ever published. you have to actually use intelligence when reading pygmy to make sense of the mucked up “engrish.” if that is too much of a challenge, i heard “go dog go” is an easy read for folks like you.
100% agreed
Chuck hasn’t written anything worthwhile since Choke.
I agree with the post. It looks like that to other people, but it doesn’t nessesarily mean that you agree with them…
…man I hate commenting on post’s…
maybe if you stopped sucking so much filthy cock you wouldn’t hate commenting on posts so much.
I have never farted and not enjoyed it’s aroma on some level
wow that’s really dumb. i thought this was gonna be some psychological stuff. instead it’s dumb jokes, none of which made me lol. i guess it’s the logical choice of jokes of a website that couldn’t write it’s way out of a cardboard box.
For the record, could you please tell the group exactly how one writes his way out of a cardboard box? Not that I’m stuck in one and need to write my way out of it. I’d just like you to understand that you just insulted a website with a cliche you can’t explain. It’s funny.
the post is hilarious! But the funniest thing about this post is, or possibly the saddest, is the comments and how angry people get when a JOKE hits a little to close to home. Get a sense of humor people…unless you agree with the tone of this joke in relation to yourself in some way, it really shouldn’t make you so mad. It really is funny. And if you do think the joke is aimed directly at you, why not think about it for a moment before exhibiting you ignorance on the internet for all to see.
You come to Holy Taco for insightful “psychological stuff”? Where do you go to look at hot girls? CNN?
Unlike the anonymous user below me, I would actually like to know how to write your way out of a carboard box because sadly I have been taped inside one for hours now. Any help or advice you can give would be greatly apprehiated. I happen to have a notebook and a pen if that will help. And by the way you are a fucking idiot. These were creative and I’m very happy that you probably won’t help me to get out of this box because you have no sense of humor and make me want to shit in your face! Asshole!!!!!!
YES!! “Dick sucking Shit face” is the most awesome thing ive heard all day.
Thanks Anonymous June 11th 9:56
betcha can’t wait to tell all your friends at recess..
brilliant, holy taco. Fucking brilliant.
Y’all are so cynical.
I don’t know whether that makes you cool or not.
enjoy ur trip to HELL holy taco…let me know how it is down there
enjoy ur trip to HELL holy taco…let me know how it is down there
Reporting back… oh hey look. Its Dark, and nonexistant. I wasted my flyer miles on this? BAAWWWW
there
You know what, forget it. I completely screwed that up. Sorry for not proof reading first.
say what you will about the others, but pygmy was a pretty fantastic book.
pygmy is the worst thing chuck has written thus far. I am a huge fan and have read everything he has ever published, but the broken engrish the book is written in makes it damn near impossible to really get into the story. and yes, I ment engrish.
i didn’t think it was that funny tell the last one — i was laughing so hard my boss had to come see what was so funny. Great stuff
i like your boss
i suck filthy cocks all the time and love commenting on posts. guess again
this article sucked.
boolshit
My balls are the best selling book of all time.
waste of time…shit post
Wait, U are taped inside a box and u have internet??? why would u want to leave???
OMG the Bible is fairy tales??? NoOOOOoOOoO!!
The last picture is awesome – so true.
You guys are def. cool! And brilliant! Love you guys!
Have you seen Robin Meade?