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What Her Drink Really Says About Her

You can tell a lot about a girl by what she’s drinking, but sometimes that beverage that she’s sipping, chugging, or slurping down may not be sending the message that she thinks it’s sending.  Here’s What Her Drink Really Says About Her:
Cheap Beer

What She Thinks It Says:  I’m a tough woman.  I’m not high-maintenance, and I like to party.  Just gimme a sixer of PBR and a filthy back patio, and I’m good to go.
What It Really Says:  My college boyfriend was in a shitty band, so I got used to cheap, crappy parties.  For $7.50, you can probably get me drunk enough to go home with you, but I’m definitely gonna throw up on something of yours.
Pick-Up Line You Should Use:  "Hey.  My bed has a matress on it.  Pretty fancy, huh? Let’s go f*ck."
Expensive Beer
What She Thinks It Says: I’ve been drinking for a while.  I’m sophisticated enough to be selective, but I’m still down-to-earth enough to be content with beer.  Plus, expensive beer tastes better than crappy mixed drinks.
What It Really Says:  I like fancy glasses.
Pick-Up Line You Should Use:  "Somebody in my family is remotely German.  Wanna look at some heirlooms and f*ck?"


What She Thinks It Says:  I’m way more classy and sophisticated than the other girls in this trashy bar.
What It Really Says:  After my third glass, I’ll be grinding my ass against someone on the dance floor.

Pick-Up Line You Should Use:  "Yeah, my dad does own a car dealership.  Hey, you wanna go f*ck in my new H2?"
What She Thinks It Says:  I’m here to party.  I’m hanging with my sorority sisters tonight, and we own the night!  We’re gonna get super-wasted super-quick, and just dance the night away.  Woo hoo!
What It Really Says:  Tonight, I’m getting "Bad Guys from Three Amigos" drunk.
Pick-Up Line You Should Use:  "I’ve got an extensive Lil’ Wayne collection back at my apartment.  C’mon, I’ll carry you back there and then we can f*ck."


What She Thinks It Says:  I can drink like a man.  Hell, I might even smoke a cigar later tonight.

What It Really Says:  After a few of these, I’m gonna pounce on the first man that talks to me.
Pick-Up Line You Should Use:  "There’s a George Strait tape in my truck.  You wanna f*ck in the back seat?"

What She Thinks It Says:  I’m a classy girl.  I like my drinks like I like my men: strong, but also tasty and sweet.
What It Really Says:  I love, love, LOVE Sex and the City.  Oh my god, I am totally the Carrie of my group.
Pick-Up Line You Should Use:  "I thought the SatC movie was raw, sentimental, and outrageously materialistic…which is everything that a true fan could hope for.  So you wanna go f*ck or somethin’?"
Fruity Mixed Drink
What She Thinks It Says:  I’ve been drinking long enough to know that beer makes you fat, and all of my friends order this, so it must be a good choice.
What It Really Says:  I don’t like the taste of alcohol, but I love cranberry juice.  Plus, it’ll help out with this horrible UTI that I got last week.
Pick-Up Line You Should Use:  "Oh, wow. That’s an interesting story.  Your sorority sounds like it was crazy.  You wanna go watch the Notebook and f*ck?"
What She Thinks It Says:  It’s my birthday today!
What It Really Says:  It’s my birthday today!
Pick-Up Line You Should Use:  "Happy Birthday!  Let’s f*ck!"

31 Responses to "What Her Drink Really Says About Her"

  1. Richard says:

    You take this shit way to seriously. It’s a joke, and with all good jokes it’s exaggerated truth. Weather you like it or not this does happen.

    Also, what’s your address? I’ll bring the scotch.

  2. anonymous chick says:

    I pretty much drink whatever suits my mood and pretty much fuck whatever tickles my fancy ;o)

    So what does kool-aid say about a girl? A lady in the street and a freak in the sack…

    What She Thinks It Says: Who cares

    What It Really Says: Who cares

    Pick-Up Line You Should Use: None… she’ll beat you to the punch with a whispered invite – “Hey wanna f*ck?”


  3. Hoppakee says:

    Dudes, where did the “I’ll pass u the blunt, let’s f*ck” go?

  4. noahaction says:

    horrendous pour on the Guiness

  5. sparkle chamey says:

    big fuckin deal, so we move on to the next drunk chick. dyke.

  6. T-Bone says:

    So I’m guessing this garel will be impressed with my mattress? http://www.namethegarels.com/2009/08/garel-of-the-week-caitlin/

  7. christy says:

    Yeah- because men aren’t looking for any type of acceptance through alpha male related drinking games?

    Because men don’t do stupid shit while they’re drunk.
    I guess women have more room for error.

    you stupid simple minded creatures. Can’t wait to what was it, “pounce” on the first guy that talks to me after my third Scotch. ..

  8. Oregon Chick says:

    I’m a chick, and this didn’t bother me at all. I thought it ws hilarious. You other chicks reading this, lighten up a lil. It’s not like you don’t go and talk to all your friends about how stupid guys are. Guys just sit around and make jokes about women, and they are funny. Get over it. GOOD JOKE, when are you writing another one?

  9. Cat man due says:

    I do indeed like pretty glasses!

  10. DrinkedIn says:

    These are great… and true… very true…


  11. thatAnonymousguy says:

    good for fuckin you, bitch

  12. philosoraptor says:

    Any liquid = “I wouldn’t fuck philosopher if I the last human female alive and a blind retarded quadriplegic”

  13. Mudbutt says:


  14. thatAnonymousguy says:

    “‘mother’s basement’ creepy”

  15. GM says:

    You forgot the panty remover GIN…. works everytime

  16. 100,000 revolve says:

    “your dad” = no sense of humor since 1959

  17. fingfangfoom says:

    what really works everytime is something shiny to lure them into the shadows and a rag soaked in chloroform. Score!

  18. your dad says:

    fingfangfoom… keeping it creepy since 2002.

    (P.S. I really don’t know how old you are, but that shit’s “mother’s basement” creepy.)

  19. idiot says:


  20. Reika1212 says:

    What about martinis? Rum? Vodka?

  21. Thunderscrotum says:

    Don’t know, but I think all 3 end up with “wanna fuck?”

  22. c'mon says:

    have u ever seen vodka?
    since when is it fruity n mixed???

  23. justin says:
    We classified those as fruity mixed drinks because they’re all fruity, they’re all mixed, and the results are all the same.
  24. Vita says:

    you missed vodka =P

  25. Steve says:

    You guy’s rule, keep up the good work!

  26. fillospheare says:

    i guess it’s always my birthday!

  27. grrrr says:

    All i drink is tequila, but im SO not slutty.



  28. Jay says:

    Pretty funny. Find lots of funny stuff at http://WWW.SQUIBCRIB.COM.

  29. donkey punch says:

    i’m fairly sure you abbreviated ‘Sex and the City’ to ‘SatC’. holytaco, you have dissapointed me dearly.

  30. justin says:
    In defense of ourselves: That whole line was ripped directly from rotten tomatoes.  We do not currently, nor have we ever, condoned the watching of SatC…er, Sex and the City.