You can learn a lot about a girl by what kind of pet she has. Whether it's a dog, a parrot, or a goldfish, her pet sends a particular message, but what she thinks it says and what it actually says can be vastly different. Here's what her pet really says about her:
Big Dog
What She Thinks It Says:I'm not like those other girls with their tiny, yappy dogs. I'm a strong, confident, independent woman who's making it in a man's world.
What It Really Says: I want a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend.
What the Pet is Thinking: "Please stop using me as a body pillow and grinding on me in the middle of the night. I'm not your boyfriend! I just want to lick my balls in peace."
Small Dog
What She Thinks It Says:I'm not just adorable, I'm really adorable. I'm so adorable, that I have a living accessory. All the cool people are doing it. I'm just like a famous celebrity!
What It Really Says:I want to be exactly like Paris Hilton, so if you're looking for a stupid, annoying, talentless slut (with a little dog), I'm your girl!
What the Pet is Thinking: "If that purse that she carries me in is full of used condoms again today, I swear to God I'm gonna bite her on the tit."
Cat
What She Thinks It Says:I'm responsible enough to care for another living creature, but I don't want to have to pay a lot of attention to it. That's why I have an animal that I could potentially leave alone for a few days, and it would be just fine.
What It Really Says:I don't like having guys spend the night at my house, so I adopted one of Nature's Ninjas to scare off any non-regular visitors, using a razor-sharp pounce attack in the middle of the night.
What the Pet is Thinking: "C'mon, Dude that I'm not Familiar With, show me something dangly. I dare you!"
Fish
What She Thinks It Says: Fish tanks are so sexy. I know this is just a small glass bowl, but it still oozes sex. This fish depends on me, and if it lives past the first day, people are going to know that I'm responsible enough to take care of another life.
What It Really Says: One time I had sex with a biker in the parking lot of a county fair, and then he spent $26 winning me this goldfish to remember him by. I forget his name, but I call the fish Nemo.
What the Pet is Thinking: "This whore hasn't fed me in six days! My water looks and smells like a f*cking sewer! Also, I think I just swallowed my own turd. F*ck!"
Gerbil
What She Thinks It Says: Gerbils are cute and easy to take care of. Plus, it's like an awesome throw-back to my childhood. People are going to think this is so cool!
What It Really Says: I have chosen to purchase the most questionable pet available in the nearest pet store.
What the Pet is Thinking: "Alright, I'll crawl into this tube one more time, but if it leads into your asshole again, I'm never going back in. Ever. I mean it this time."
Parrot
What She Thinks It Says: I enjoy having a pet that's interesting and intelligent. I'm an exotic person, so I have a pet that reflects my personality.
What It Really Says: My grandpa died recently. He was known locally as "Crazy Bird Guy", so he left me a temperamental shit machine to remember him by.
What the Pet is Thinking: "Squawk! F*ck You! F*ck You! Squawk!"
Sea Monkeys
What She Thinks It Says: Look at how cute and playful I am! I have a novelty pet for children! How hip is that?!
What It Really Says: I'm 8 years old.
What the Pet is Thinking: "Hey, Other Sea Monkey, do you think we look like sperm? 'Cause I really think we look like sperm. I wonder if this girl realizes that she basically has a tub of sperm in her bedroom. That's pretty gross. I'm not even a person, and I would be freaked out if I went into some girl's room and saw a tub of sperm sitting there. That's just nasty. Like, if I could throw up right now, I totally would. This would look like a tub of sperm and sperm-vomit if we could all throw up."
I'd have thought your giant rubber cock collection, whore outfits and vibrating bed would have been slightly more embarrassing, but I guess after you had that laxative accident in Walmart, the at-home stuff now seems trivial somehow.
When did this site get hit with people who give a shit what you post. Thank you Inferno Light. I forgot this site was a beacon of intellectual conversation. Quick who has an abacus so I can start my long division training?!! By the way you capitalized DIDN'T which I believe is incorrect in the English language. Please recant your comment with correct grammar and capitalization. This is the internet after all and it demands much more.
(31 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
July 20th, 2009 at 09:46 am
Tiny dogs are for fucking losers = Fact and whores and homos....And also loser homo whores
July 20th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Loser Homo Whores. I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing you DIDN'T attend college?
July 20th, 2009 at 10:44 am
No, but he did attend gym class, hence the anger and bitterness.
July 20th, 2009 at 01:29 pm
so i'm guessing you have two?
July 27th, 2009 at 02:14 am
yes. i fucking hate little dogs...
July 20th, 2009 at 09:50 am
Correct!
July 20th, 2009 at 09:59 am
I wish I had a sea monkey in my arse..... aaaaaahh, tickelish...
July 20th, 2009 at 10:06 am
I have a rabbit...or as I like to call it, the most embarrassing thing to have to tell a guy before you let him see your place.
July 20th, 2009 at 07:30 pm
you blow penis on a regular basis
July 22nd, 2009 at 03:52 pm
I'd have thought your giant rubber cock collection, whore outfits and vibrating bed would have been slightly more embarrassing, but I guess after you had that laxative accident in Walmart, the at-home stuff now seems trivial somehow.
July 20th, 2009 at 10:22 am
Narf
July 20th, 2009 at 10:56 am
When did this site get hit with people who give a shit what you post. Thank you Inferno Light. I forgot this site was a beacon of intellectual conversation. Quick who has an abacus so I can start my long division training?!! By the way you capitalized DIDN'T which I believe is incorrect in the English language. Please recant your comment with correct grammar and capitalization. This is the internet after all and it demands much more.
July 20th, 2009 at 01:11 pm
Cool story bro.
July 20th, 2009 at 03:17 pm
hah check out this fag with the grammar, recant, big word buddy
July 20th, 2009 at 06:04 pm
bob toner?
July 20th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
@Prof. Corono
He capitalized "DIDN'T" to emphasize upon the word...
College or not, you're still a douche nozzle in my opinion.
July 21st, 2009 at 06:22 am
Grammatik macht Frei!
July 20th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
too bad that's a hamster, not a gerbil.
July 21st, 2009 at 06:02 am
That's not a gerbil you morons, that's a fucking hamster. Get your fucking animals right before making articles.
July 21st, 2009 at 09:44 am
Sorry. Nobody cares.
November 11th, 2009 at 04:46 pm
Richard Gere wouldn't care
July 21st, 2009 at 11:06 am
What about medium sized dogs? And what if the girl has a dog, cats and some sort of rodent?
July 21st, 2009 at 01:46 pm
thats a hamster dude!
its cute though
July 21st, 2009 at 04:38 pm
wait haha, I have 4 German Shepherds and a boyfriend - so how does that fall into play?
July 22nd, 2009 at 03:54 pm
You'r3 prolly fat and ugly.
August 10th, 2009 at 04:24 pm
and youre prolly jerkin off to the thought
July 21st, 2009 at 11:11 pm
What about a girl with a Ball Python? Are we too scary to mention? :P
July 22nd, 2009 at 05:45 pm
by the way just thought I'd mention that snakes, much like millipedes are fucking awesome
July 22nd, 2009 at 05:44 pm
What if I have a giant African millipede? (I am a girl in case you were wondering)
July 22nd, 2009 at 08:23 pm
What if I have an Africa speechimpede imped... imp... impede... millipede
September 23rd, 2009 at 07:43 pm
How about chinchillas?
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