You can tell a lot about a girl by the style of underwear she chooses. Is she married? Is she a money-grubbing whore? Could she kick your butt in a fist fight? Her underwear holds all the answers. Unfortunately, there's no solid answer as to how to see her underwear in the first place, but if you manage to get a glimpse, here's what her underwear says about her:
Boyshorts
Boyshorts are cute and sexy, and yet they're comfortable and versatile enough to wear to a slumber party with your other cute girlfriends where you all get into a pillow fight that you videotape and then send to us. During this pillow fight, the boyshorts girl will be the one who takes it a little too seriously and ends up injuring another girl by hitting her too hard with a pillow or couch cushion, or maybe even a table lamp if she gets too carried away. This is because girls who wear boyshorts are sporty tomboy chicks, which means that they're basically your dream girl, because they're cute and playful, they can keep up with the dudes in a flag football game, and they can chug a beer faster than you can. Either that, or they're a fat chick who wears boyshorts because they make her ass look normal-sized. Here's a quick way to differentiate the two: if she can climb a single flight of stairs without wheezing like Keenan Thompson on a treadmill, then she's the good kind of boyshorts girl.
Who Sports It
Thong
Fact: a girl who's wearing a thong wants you to check out her ass. That's why she's wearing a thong. Y'know how sometimes you wear those visor caps, the ones that are like a baseball cap but without the top? Well, the reason you wear those is because you're in an environment where it's socially expected that you wear a hat (i.e. - the beach, a baseball game, etc.) but you still want to show off your full head of healthy hair. Otherwise, you'd just wear a baseball cap, right? Well, that's exactly how a thong works, too. She's wearing it because she wants you to see what it reveals. Some people will say, "Nu-uh! She's wearing business slacks or a skirt that fits tightly around the hips, and he has to wear a thong with that because otherwise you'll see the panty line through the fabric and it'll look very shitty and unprofessional!" I have a simple, well-studied response to that argument: BULLSHIT. She wants you to look at her ass and that's all there is to it, and if she wants us to look at it, then isn't it rude not to admire the view?
Who Sports It
Granny Panties
The good thing about a girl in Granny Panties is that she's completely relaxed and comfortable with her body and her sexuality. The bad news is that she's relaxed and comfortable because she's in a committed relationship that she doesn't have to put an ounce of effort into anymore, and if you're seeing her granny panties, then that probably means this is your girlfriend/wife we're talking about. She knows you're not going anywhere, and she knows that she doesn't have to do shit to keep you around. Your relationship is long past the "turning each other on" and "being physically attracted to one another" phase. Luckily, some granny panties come decorated with adorable little graphics, like tiny ducks, or umbrellas, or smiley faces or some kind of shit like that. Cherish those little decorations, because that's the closest thing to cute underwear you're ever going to experience again. RIP, your exciting sex life, RIP.
Who Sports It
Commando
The girl who wears no underwear at all could easily go one of two ways: she's either super slutty and wants to cut out a step in the "getting naked" process, or she's just f*cking lazy as hell. Seeing that underwear was only invented to protect your pants from your asshole, the girl who wears no underwear at all could easily be too lazy to clean the countless pairs of wrecked panties that are balled up on her bathroom floor as a result of direct panty-to-asshole contact. Rather than taking the time to watch them, she'd just prefer to go commando. The way she figures, maybe she's better off slowly wrecking the durable denim seat of her jeans than completely destroying another pair of freshly washed panties. Either way, you'll want to watch out for this girl. There's a good chance she's nothing but trouble.
Who Sports It
Boys' Underwear
First, a disclaimer: this does not pertain to girls who wear boxer shorts as shorts, unless she is wearing those boxer shorts as actual underwear. Having said that, if a girl is wearing boys' underwear, whether they're briefs or boxer-briefs, only one of two things can be true: either she's wearing her boyfriend's underwear, which is incredibly weird and gross, or she's a lesbian. Either way, she is not a girl to be f*cked with, because no matter what the case may be, she's not interested in you and she can and probably will kick your ass. Remember this simple rhyme: "Boys' underwear? Stay Away!" It's admittedly not a very good rhyme, but it's still good advice.
Who Sports It
Expensive G-String
A girl doesn't buy tiny, expensive underwear in hopes that someone might accidentally see her in it. When she shells out all that money for a nearly non-existent thong, she has every intention of letting someone see her in it. In fact, she probably put the g-string on that particular night with exactly that plan in mind. That's why is makes perfect sense to assume that the kind of girl who's constantly wearing tiny, expensive underwear is a whore: because she constantly wants to be seen in her underwear. I know it may be difficult, but try to think about strippers for a second: strippers wear tiny, expensive g-strings, and strippers love being seen in those g-strings. Hell, strippers get paid exactly that. We're not saying that a girl who wears tiny g-string underwear all the time is anything like a stripper, but we are saying that they're pretty damned close to each other. you wouldn't spend $40 on something that spends all day wedged up your asscrack unless you wanted someone to see it wedged up there, would you?
Who Sports It
Bikini Bottoms
I would have major questions for the girl who wears bikini swimsuit bottoms as underwear. Similar to the girl who wears no panties at all, this girl clearly hasn't done laundry in quite some time, but unlike the girl who goes commando, Bikini Bottoms Girl is actually concerned with not letting her asshole touch her pants, which raises a very serious question: what's going on with her asshole that requires her to protect it with a thick, spandexed layer of fabric? That's a rhetorical question, of course, and if you're ever around Bikini Bottoms Girl you shouldn't hang around long enough to ask those types of questions. This is partially because it's not any of your business, and partially because she might just be headed to or from the beach or a swimming pool, but when it comes to a girl's asshole, you can never be too cautious.
wow you are even dumber than the guy who misspelled the word.
FYI it's spelled sense!
"the universe makes sense once again" is the proper use. not "the universe makes cents once again" as cool as that would be don't wait for it to start raining nickels, dimes, pennies, and quarters.
its 'scents'. the universe makes scents - meaning the universe farted becasue tom arnold wears bikini botttom underwear. this makes perfect cents. i mean scents. wait.
I have nothing important to contribute to the epic failure that went on above me; I just wanted to keep the replies going.
*sigh* I hate myself for coming to this site.
So if the world makes scents does it sell them as cents so that we can make dollars that are not as good as euros?
Cuz that makes fucking perfect scents!
I have nothing important to say but your reading it so it must in some way shape or form be important to someone somewhere.....maybe.....ya I'm talking to you.....fucking bitch....
Cents= Money
Sense= Touch,taste, etc or your brain understanding something
Since= From a date
Soooo this is the correct way to use these words:
The world doesnt make sense to me because I found out you cant buy g-strings for 25 cents, I would know because Ive been wearing them since 2 years ago
(97 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
October 6th, 2009 at 10:34 am
first, one
October 6th, 2009 at 10:50 am
second one
October 6th, 2009 at 11:38 am
I'm gonna kick your ass if you don't stop being such a dickhead...
October 6th, 2009 at 04:51 pm
Fourth one
October 6th, 2009 at 06:55 pm
5th one
October 6th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
6th one
October 7th, 2009 at 06:44 am
8th d'oh...
October 7th, 2009 at 09:51 pm
c cccc ombo breaker
October 9th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Fail
October 6th, 2009 at 11:12 am
I knew it! Tom Arnold sports bikini bottoms the universe makes sence once again
October 6th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Sence?
October 6th, 2009 at 11:43 am
it's spelled 'cents' dumbass
October 6th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
wow you are even dumber than the guy who misspelled the word.
FYI it's spelled sense!
"the universe makes sense once again" is the proper use. not "the universe makes cents once again" as cool as that would be don't wait for it to start raining nickels, dimes, pennies, and quarters.
October 6th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
No, you're the idiot. Its called humor, you should check it out sometime.
October 6th, 2009 at 01:07 pm
you are all obvi wrong, I had sex with tom arnold last night; he wears depends.
October 6th, 2009 at 02:17 pm
You're all wrong, it's spelled 'since'
October 6th, 2009 at 02:29 pm
its 'scents'. the universe makes scents - meaning the universe farted becasue tom arnold wears bikini botttom underwear. this makes perfect cents. i mean scents. wait.
October 6th, 2009 at 02:58 pm
Shut the f*ck up you pussies... it is called "dumbass mother f*cker" so stup doing stupid shit and get back to work... assholes
October 6th, 2009 at 03:36 pm
the universe doesnt make sense, it makes dollars.
October 6th, 2009 at 03:43 pm
Or Euros because those are more valuable.
October 6th, 2009 at 04:11 pm
I made a doodie.
October 6th, 2009 at 05:22 pm
I think he ment Furi..
As in FuriKuri...
October 6th, 2009 at 06:22 pm
I thought the universe makes cents because I make the dollars?
October 6th, 2009 at 06:57 pm
Mike the Badass has just goddamn gone and won the whole thing.
Everyone give up.
October 6th, 2009 at 08:08 pm
no no, the universe makes doody
October 6th, 2009 at 08:30 pm
I have nothing important to contribute to the epic failure that went on above me; I just wanted to keep the replies going.
*sigh* I hate myself for coming to this site.
October 6th, 2009 at 08:56 pm
So if the world makes scents does it sell them as cents so that we can make dollars that are not as good as euros?
Cuz that makes fucking perfect scents!
October 7th, 2009 at 05:51 am
The universe makes me excited. And I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think I like it.
October 7th, 2009 at 07:33 am
I have nothing important to say but your reading it so it must in some way shape or form be important to someone somewhere.....maybe.....ya I'm talking to you.....fucking bitch....
October 7th, 2009 at 09:14 am
can we get back on topic - girl panties
October 7th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Cents= Money
Sense= Touch,taste, etc or your brain understanding something
Since= From a date
Soooo this is the correct way to use these words:
The world doesnt make sense to me because I found out you cant buy g-strings for 25 cents, I would know because Ive been wearing them since 2 years ago
There ya go!
October 8th, 2009 at 04:53 am
Bunch of fuckin retard's
October 16th, 2009 at 12:45 am
funny tho...
October 6th, 2009 at 11:56 am
What does it say about you if you uncontrollably shit in your underwear? I think the big Kardashian Chewbacca does this all the time.
October 6th, 2009 at 04:50 pm
I think it says that you have lost all control of your anal sphincter. Or that your O-ring is broken. Either way, it is not good to be a homosexual.
October 7th, 2009 at 04:19 am
It obviously means that actually, it is not the universe that makes scents, but ourselves.
October 6th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
My GF uses my underwear sometimes... what category is that in??? BTW I worked at a bank and all the female clerks wore thongs.
October 6th, 2009 at 01:33 pm
That would be the "Boys' Underwear" category. That is unless you wear girls underwear, which you probably do. Either way, you're a moron.
October 6th, 2009 at 03:25 pm
win goes to diz
(double fail to Joe The Asshole Licker for never actually having had a girlfriend)
October 13th, 2009 at 01:11 am
Just lookin for an excuse to talk about her your a fuck chode!
October 6th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
But the Bikini bottoms have those great "rip cords" for rapid removal - especially if you yank 'em both at once . . .
October 6th, 2009 at 05:52 pm
tru dat
October 7th, 2009 at 07:19 pm
They also make bikini style undies for those who like to wear them without the swimsuit material or wear them a lot.
October 6th, 2009 at 02:26 pm
Hahaha some dumb motha fuckers on here
October 6th, 2009 at 02:42 pm
Look who is talking...
October 6th, 2009 at 03:24 pm
yeah, the guy talking didn't know what fucking category his girlfriend who wears BOYS UNDERWEAR was in
October 6th, 2009 at 03:04 pm
what the fuck
hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
October 6th, 2009 at 03:06 pm
thats not nice to say
October 6th, 2009 at 03:08 pm
you forgot assless chaps. those wearing them: Ryan Seacrest, Bill Maher, and Ryan Seacrest.
October 6th, 2009 at 03:42 pm
Ryan Seacest XD
and really? not all of it is true....at all.
obviously written by a guy.
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