Without electricity, your precious Xbox will not turn on, your iPod will eventually run out of power, and Netflix streaming won’t be an option. Those of you who may have lost power thanks to Hurricane Irene know the importance of having the proper amenities as well as plenty of options for power-free entertainment. There’s a lot more to do sans electricity than you might think. I mean, the Amish do it all the time, and they don’t look bored or constantly sad. You could get yourself some marbles or do laps around your dining room with a hoop and stick. If you choose those activities, you’d better hope the power comes back on within a day, otherwise you will probably harm yourself out of boredom. I’m speaking from specific personal experience here, but the following is a list of things you can do when the power goes out.
Invite Your Neighbors Over
Let’s take it back a bajillion years. Let’s use this opportunity to get a little tribal. This is where it all starts. You need to surround yourself with other people that are equally bored. If your phone hasn’t died at this point, call a few close-by pals. If your phone isn’t working, just yell out your front door.
*EDITOR’S NOTE: All of these suggestions are made assuming you’ve purchased plenty of extra food, booze and whatever else helps you pass the time.
You’re not going anywhere for a while, and you’ve got a rock-solid excuse to miss appointments, work, etc. Dive in. Even playing marbles can get interesting if you’re comfortably drunk. Being Amish wouldn’t be such a difficult lifestyle if you could be drunk while living it. I wouldn’t want to farm anything sober, but get a few jager bombs in me and I’ll farm the shit out of some land!
Another thing about drinking — it’s going to make your company much more tolerable. Let’s face it, if you broadcast a public invite, you’re going to end up with some unwanted guests. Even if you don’t invite neighbors over, you may be stuck in the house with your family, which will definitely require some (responsible) alcohol consumption.
*EDITOR’S NOTE: If you’re underage, just go read. You’re going to get bored no matter what.
Start A Storytelling Session
Campfire style! Grab a talking feather and get it started. Begin with some stories about dates gone wrong perhaps, or your most embarrassing moment as a teenager. Keep the storytelling session going for as long as you can. The longer you keep it rolling, the better the stories will get. And by better, I mean worse. After hour five, you will, I promise, get a disgusting confession from one of your friends that will bring you all closer. Because you’ll all know that your neighbor Henry killed a chicken to impress that girl from Hot Topic.
Start Playing High-Stakes Card Games
You’re going to get really tired of playing Rummy with some made-up rules you’ve all agreed upon. Your tame card games will bore everyone involved within a day. Raise the stakes. Start moving on to a game like poker, or anything that’s quick and easy to bet on. Don’t bet with money, bet valuable personal items like watches and girlfriends.
If all goes well, and the power remains out, you will have a tangled web of inappropriate relationships, culminating in a few dark corner make out sessions that will plant seeds of bitterness and jealousy amongst your new friends. Eventually, a fist fight will break out between at least two of your guests, but once it will subside quickly.
Make a Pact To Remain Friends Forever And Not Tell Anyone What Happened
Now you’ve all gotten drunk together, some of you have fought, some of you have regrettably hooked up, and you all know the worst things about each other. When the power comes back, the sound of everything in the house booting up, and the lights turning on will make all of you realize you’ve been acting like animals. You’ll have to return to your own homes and your own lives now knowing much more about your neighbors than you ever wanted to.
Buy a generator so it never happens again.