Tattoos and piercings are very 90s. Sure, your jawa’s having sex tattoo gives insight into your soul, but is it useful insight? Not really. A better way to gauge a person is through body mods, because you really need to be committed to expressing yourself to have people stick unnatural things inside you. Let’s see what they mean!
Tongue Bifurcation
What is it? Getting your tongue split down the middle, snake-like.
What is Says About You: You played a lot of fantasy or RPG games growing up, and often imagined how things would be different if you could use magic, or at least the Force. You would have showed everyone, and you probably would have seen more boobs. Nowadays you see boobs that are heavily tattooed, pierced or surrounded by bikers, so it all worked out for you.
Sharpened Teeth
What is it? Filing your teeth to points, like a wild animal, or your more savage hobos.
What is Says About You: At some point in time you just said f*ck it and decided the carny life would take you everywhere you need to go for the rest of your life. Reality has mostly been a let down, but your fantasy life is rich and full of small mammals you can chew.
Corseting
What is it? Lacing up your back with some pretty rings and ribbons. That are pierced through your flesh.
What is Says About You: You want people to want to do you, but at the same time be a little repulsed by the idea, like if they got a hankerin’ to do Lady Gaga or something and then actually went through with it. Like a woman in a tight t shirt that’s plastered with a slogan who gets angry when you look at her boobs, you are mildly confusing to others.
Extraocular Implants
What is it? Jewelry you stuck in your eye. On purpose.
What is Says About You: You love yourself ever so slightly more than any other human ever would or could, and you want to be noticed. Also, color contacts are for suckers. Why have green eyes when you can get a charm bracelet jammed in them?
Horns
What is it? Implants in your skull, can be metal or even coral for the au natural look.
What is Says About You: You have no plans to ever get a real job ever again.
Subdermal Implants
What is it? Any number of Lucky Charms looking implants people have surgically implanted beneath their skin.
What is Says About You: You really wanted to have some fun and exotic piercings but the trend has come so far you’d just be another poser now if you got a labret piercing and even Grandpa has a Prince Albert. No, in your effort to be unique, you opted to take a piece of silicon molded to look like Steve Buscemi and have it slipped right under the skin of your neck. You were the guy who would drink anything and follow through on any dare, whether or not the chances of getting both rabies and herpes were fairly high.
Saline Inflation
What is it? Warm, salty solution pumped into a random body part until it looks like you’re growing flesh balloons.
What is Says About You: You’re mildly ashamed of how batshit crazy you are. A quick search around the internet shows that the trend of pumping your face full of saline may have been limited to a handful of guys in Japan, but the trend of injecting saline in general is by no means limited. Nor is it limited to the face. There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just come out and tell you I saw both ballsacks and assholes pumped full of saline. And if the first one doesn’t blow your mind, the second should because I don’t mean an enema. I mean a saline-filled o-ring. It was like the worst inner tube ever, made of meat and squished together like grandma was pinching its cheeks.
People who play with saline don’t have the balls (no matter how over-inflated they are) to permanently damage themselves, but they do like the idea of taking pictures of a waking night terror and polluting the internet with it. Seriously, in the asshole? Come on.
Courtney Love & Muppet Sexual Assault
Playboy’s Big Dance March Madness Bracket Challenge
but what people don’t realize, is if you do all of them at once, you achieve immortality. I can’t tell you how much fun it was to watch jesus’ crucifixion with horns bulging from my forehead and sharp teeth
Is that you Nillie? Fuck man, I haven’t seen you since we wrote that Voynich manuscript for that italian aristocrat, that dude was loaded, I still got a villa over in Naples from the end of my deal. I bet you blew it all on whores and whisky in less than a week, you crazy fucka!
sorry, I’m not nillie
Anal saline inflation is for fags that want to re-tighten their battered holes. Just by looking at the two dudes up there you can tell they’ve pumped man-yonaisse up eachother’s poop chutes. xD
Is that a goddamn chicken nugget in the Subdermal Implant picture?
Real cute, looking like you have horrible facial tumors. Barf.
Actually, corset piercing says you probably got suckered into it by your piercer who wanted to have pretty pictures for his portfolio, and neglected to mention that most corset piercings are strictly temporary. They’re showy and pretty, but you have to use special rings, otherwise they drift and get infected. Chick in the picture? Not wearing the right kind of rings.