Like it or not, people will formulate opinions and ideas about you based on their initial observations, like how you dress, who you're with, and what kind of vehicle you drive. You have to be careful, though, because sometimes the message that you think you're sending isn't always the one that people receive. Here's what your car really says about you:
Sports Car
What You Think It Says: There are three kinds of people in this world: old people, pussies, and people who think that speed limits are for old people and pussies. I'm in the latter category. I live on the edge of my seat all the time. I'm an accomplished guy. I've been successful in life and I don't mind showing it off a little bit. Plus, I saw something on the internet that said chicks are instinctively aroused by the sound of a revving engine.
What It Really Says: Small penis + Midlife Crisis = This Guy.
Sedan
What You Think It Says: I am a completely normal person. I might have a family, but it consists of no more than two children. Sometimes I have friends that I need to take places. Sometimes I go to the grocery store and buy so much bologna and pickles that I can't fit it all in my trunk. For these reasons, I require the use of a backseat from time to time, so I have chosen to drive a car that gives me the extra passenger/cargo room while still being economical and compact.
What It Really Says: I'm an unremarkable person who lives alone, unless you count my cat, which I do every year on my taxes. I mark myself down as Head of Household, though. Suck it, Mr. Whiskers!
SUV
What You Think It Says: I'm a man of the world. I live and work in the hustle-and-bustle of the big city, but when I'm not makin' mad money I like to retreat to the tranquile solace of the wilderness. With my SUV, I can easily negotiate the chaotic city traffic and handle the off-road trails that my nature-loving side so desperately craves. My car is an all-in-one fun wagon.
What It Really Says: This one time I was planning on going camping over the summer, so I got this sweet SUV so I could get up to the mountains. Then the trip got cancelled because my best friend stole my girlfriend away from me. They still went camping without me. Also, I love spending money on gas.
Pick-Up Truck
What You Think It Says: I'm a workin' man. I got stuff I need to take from one place to the other. Big stuff. Y'know, like wood and bricks and stuff. You want me to build you somethin'? 'Cause I can if you want me to. Anything you want. You want a treehouse? You got it. You want a car port for your RV? I can do that, too. I'll just have to bring over some big stuff to build it with. Luckily, I got a big ol' pick up truck, so it's no problem.
What It Really Says: My dad's letting me borrow his truck while my Maxima is in the shop.
Minivan
What You Think It Says: Just because my wife made me trade in my Camaro for this used minivan doesn't mean I can't still whoop your ass. Maybe you didn't see that badass Yosemite Sam bumper sticker on the back. Sure, the kids put it there, but it's still pretty badass. You might not think it, but this baby has got some power under the hood. It's basically just a cool truck with a camper built on top of it. And it's shaped like a condom. So, it's a condom-shaped truck with a camper on it...and a sliding door. Also, there's built in child seats, and it came with a built-in DVD player and some free Dora the Explorer DVDs. But aside from that, it's basically the same as a badass truck, man.
What It Really Says: I'm my wife's bitch.
Creepy Van
What You Think It Says: Um...I work as a painter. Yeah, that's it: I'm a painter! I use this van to carry my paint in. Yeah,...paint. I blacked out the windows because sunlight is bad for paint. What do you mean you've never heard that before? Yeah, it's true: sunlight is really bad for paint. No, you can't look in the back. No particular reason, I just don't want you to look back there, that's all. It's full of paint stuff. It's all messy. What do you mean 'what's that sound'? I didn't hear anything. I've got to go now.
What It Really Says: I'm a rapist.
Motorcycle
What You Think It Says: This isn't just my means of transportation. It's a lifestyle. You see this sweet dreamcatcher bandana? Yeah, that's right. It's awesome. I got room for one more on here, baby. But be careful, because I'm a loner. I go where the open road takes me. All I need is the wind in my hair and the open highway. Sure, you can jump on the back, but don't get too attached. You might get hurt. Also, be really careful when I'm squeezing between cars at a red light, because sometimes it gets tight, and people get pissed if you bump their rearview mirrors.
What It Really Says: I dropped out of high school and fixed up this dirt bike when I was 17. It's the only thing I own, and it's the only thing I've got going for me.
Public Transportation
What You Think It Says: I'm not like all these poor, bologna sandwich-eating fools on this bus. I'm different. As soon as I get my GED, I'm going to get a better job and be driving to my new, high-paying job in my own car. Everyone else on the bus/train/trolly can tell that I'm better than this. It's so obvious.
What It Really Says: Dammit! I left my bologna sandwich on the bus again!
First!! I got a bad-ass truck to haul around my bad-ass motorcycle since I don't want to ride the motorcycle between cities... I don't want to be that bad-ass.
The fact that you have a 1992 A4 does not make you cool. And those ladies you speak, it doesn't count if they're related to you. Not to mention that you are single and have a cat clearly tells us all that you indeed GAY! GAY! GAY!
What about smartcars/hybrids....those people are pricks. "Look at me I am so environmentally responsible" what it really says "I'm a pretentious prick and I am unaware of the fact that my vehicle still requires energy in the form of electricity which comes from coal plants which also contribute to pollution so I am therefore a ignorant pretentious prick". I hate those pricks.
Shit kid, you must have an IQ no higher than room temperature! CONGRATULATIONS!!! You FINALLY figured out how to accurately clone a pseudonym! How many weeks did it take you to crack the obvious, eh??!!??!!
Not true. If you happen to own the General Lee, K.I.T.T, the A-Team "Free candy" van, or Magnum PI's Ferrari, you are only a right bleeding faggot. But, ah, not a douche bag.
All this time, I thought I bought a sports car because it was fast, handles well, and is suited to SCCA club racing. How foolish of me to think I bought a sedan so I didn't have to drive my loud, impractical sports car every day. I must be downright stupid to have bought a truck so that I didn't have to put extra miles on my sports car while towing it to races.
Wow, clearly this author is superior to me in every conceivable way! He knew I was having a mid life crisis and everything. I guess he knows I'm only gonna live to be 48, since I just bought my sports car at 24.
I bow down to your all knowing prowess, you exemplary specimen of the human race! I wish I was a successful blogger (troll) just like you!
Oh, I'm sure they do. Just not when they're being called out about being dickless pussies :)
I'm especially impressed with dude who thinks anyone believes he's 24 and owns every vehicle but 1 shown.. haha
Hilarious H.T. (h.t. means holy taco)for the people in the south. Guys who drive pick ups are totally gay by the way!
Especially if they have Chrome rims.
DOnt mess with bikers, we will fuck you up. oh and i have a pick up for when my bike breaks down. stfu rice burners you gonna get raped, u mad brah? come at me bro!!!!!!!!!!!
Twitter
February 25th, 2010 at 10:03 am
what do i do when i'm first?
February 25th, 2010 at 10:11 am
Well, when I'm first, it means I get to stick it in his ass before he does it to me. But that's just me ;)
February 25th, 2010 at 03:51 pm
Let me ride! = http://bit.ly/z81OR
February 25th, 2010 at 04:15 pm
you are an embarrassment
February 26th, 2010 at 02:38 pm
ACCESS DENIED, MOTHERFUCKER!
February 26th, 2010 at 08:57 pm
AHH LOOK, DONKEYXOTE IS DEFINATELY PHILOSOPHER; HE IS USING SHITTY MISPLACED COMMAS AGAIN!!
February 25th, 2010 at 10:03 am
NOT SO FUNNY
February 25th, 2010 at 10:06 am
First!! I got a bad-ass truck to haul around my bad-ass motorcycle since I don't want to ride the motorcycle between cities... I don't want to be that bad-ass.
February 25th, 2010 at 10:09 am
so then what car doesn't make u look like an asshole, rapist, or retard?
February 25th, 2010 at 10:13 am
Not yours...Asshole, rapist & retard!
February 25th, 2010 at 10:39 am
That pink Neon your boyfriend bought you
February 25th, 2010 at 02:57 pm
but i love my pink neon
February 25th, 2010 at 10:35 am
And my Audi qualifies as a sedan?!?! MMMMM strange but it work for bringing the ladies over and also get catfood from the store!
February 25th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
The fact that you have a 1992 A4 does not make you cool. And those ladies you speak, it doesn't count if they're related to you. Not to mention that you are single and have a cat clearly tells us all that you indeed GAY! GAY! GAY!
February 26th, 2010 at 07:03 am
Audi didn't make the A4 until 97 dick balls, I even have a cat and I know that
February 26th, 2010 at 10:47 am
Kraxon u r right and I really wonder if it's the cat or my finger stentch that keeps driving the ladies away!
February 28th, 2010 at 12:04 am
Actually, the Audi A4 debuted in 1996, the first runs did not even come with Quattro. Quattro came a bit later in the same year.
On another note, my S8 counts as a sedan?!?!?!
I resent that.....and my huge maintenance bills for trying to own a 360 hp "sedan".....I should have just bought a sports car.....I'm stupid.....
February 28th, 2010 at 10:13 am
actually i heard the A4 was a secret government project since the 80's. you can all suck my dick.
February 28th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Everything is a secret government project until it passes a plethora of government testing, then its passed onto the public.
Eat a dick for being stupid and uneducated.
February 25th, 2010 at 10:55 am
sooo I have a mazda 3s...im a chick, oversized clit maybe?
February 25th, 2010 at 11:17 am
and one surgery away from being a guy with a little cock
February 25th, 2010 at 02:44 pm
If you are a chick, why do you read this shit?
...dumbass chick
February 28th, 2010 at 12:14 am
A Mazda 3 says......you're a chick......or just recently landed your first real job.....that is all.
February 25th, 2010 at 11:06 am
Should've put an Epic Beard Guy reference on the bus description.
February 25th, 2010 at 11:08 am
So i'm to assume that everyone at holytaco falls under the sedan category?
February 25th, 2010 at 11:08 am
I drive a hearse. I think it says:
"I'm a faggot. not just any faggot. A GOTH faggot. I listen to nothing but the cure all day long in my hearse."
What it really says:
"I'm a faggot. not just any faggot. A GOTH faggot. I listen to nothing but the cure all day long in my hearse."
I love men. Kiss my ass.
February 25th, 2010 at 11:20 am
You could have saved time and just said "if you drive anything you're a douche bag".
February 25th, 2010 at 11:34 am
This article was unimaginative, pointless, and most of all not funny.
February 25th, 2010 at 11:54 am
What about smartcars/hybrids....those people are pricks. "Look at me I am so environmentally responsible" what it really says "I'm a pretentious prick and I am unaware of the fact that my vehicle still requires energy in the form of electricity which comes from coal plants which also contribute to pollution so I am therefore a ignorant pretentious prick". I hate those pricks.
February 25th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
Don't forget the fact that the money they "save" on gas is spent on the upcharge to buy that very hybrid.
February 25th, 2010 at 12:08 pm
I love being gagged and thrown in a good chevy rape van for some good urban fun, if I can't have Obama I can at least have his supporters in me.
February 25th, 2010 at 01:26 pm
Damn it mom come on! Can you at least finish me off before going on HT!
February 26th, 2010 at 02:37 pm
Shit kid, you must have an IQ no higher than room temperature! CONGRATULATIONS!!! You FINALLY figured out how to accurately clone a pseudonym! How many weeks did it take you to crack the obvious, eh??!!??!!
And you wonder why I call you a fuckwit!!??!!??
February 25th, 2010 at 01:36 pm
Lol, so true following HT logic no matter what car you own, you'll look like a douchebag
February 25th, 2010 at 01:43 pm
Not true. If you happen to own the General Lee, K.I.T.T, the A-Team "Free candy" van, or Magnum PI's Ferrari, you are only a right bleeding faggot. But, ah, not a douche bag.
February 25th, 2010 at 01:51 pm
you guys forgot the Smart car.
February 25th, 2010 at 02:32 pm
is there any car that DOESN'T suck?
February 25th, 2010 at 02:46 pm
What does a spaceship say about you?
February 25th, 2010 at 03:01 pm
I drive a CX-7 and I fuckin hate it.
February 25th, 2010 at 03:49 pm
I think all this article says is that the author loves to judge people on his close minded view of the world...not what a car says about someone
February 25th, 2010 at 04:00 pm
All this time, I thought I bought a sports car because it was fast, handles well, and is suited to SCCA club racing. How foolish of me to think I bought a sedan so I didn't have to drive my loud, impractical sports car every day. I must be downright stupid to have bought a truck so that I didn't have to put extra miles on my sports car while towing it to races.
Wow, clearly this author is superior to me in every conceivable way! He knew I was having a mid life crisis and everything. I guess he knows I'm only gonna live to be 48, since I just bought my sports car at 24.
I bow down to your all knowing prowess, you exemplary specimen of the human race! I wish I was a successful blogger (troll) just like you!
February 25th, 2010 at 05:51 pm
The two people above me have no sense of humor.
March 10th, 2010 at 05:48 pm
Oh, I'm sure they do. Just not when they're being called out about being dickless pussies :)
I'm especially impressed with dude who thinks anyone believes he's 24 and owns every vehicle but 1 shown.. haha
February 25th, 2010 at 04:13 pm
Wow, that yellow corvette is amazing.
Jess
www.true-privacy.es.tc
February 25th, 2010 at 04:28 pm
what about hatchbacks?
February 25th, 2010 at 04:39 pm
Hilarious H.T. (h.t. means holy taco)for the people in the south. Guys who drive pick ups are totally gay by the way!
Especially if they have Chrome rims.
February 25th, 2010 at 07:56 pm
learn how to use the word "solace". thanks for playing.
February 25th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
DOnt mess with bikers, we will fuck you up. oh and i have a pick up for when my bike breaks down. stfu rice burners you gonna get raped, u mad brah? come at me bro!!!!!!!!!!!
February 25th, 2010 at 11:48 pm
bikes are gay
March 10th, 2010 at 05:50 pm
The pc term is 'fags'
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