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What Your Employee Name Badge Really Says About You

If you have a job, there’s a good chance that you have to wear a name badge.  The type of name badge that you wear says a lot about you, but there’s a good chance that it’s not sending the message that you think it’s sending.  Here’s what your name badge really says about you:
 
Sewn-On Name Patch
 
 
What You Think It Says:  I’m a workin’ man.  I get down and dirty.  That’s what real men do.  They fix things, and they build things.  That’s what I do.  I fix and/or build things.  That’s Man work, and I’m a man.
 
What It Really Says:  My job requires me to get filthy f*cking dirty all the time, so my company just buys me shirts to wear for my filthy f*cking dirty job, so that they don’t have to pay for dry-cleaning or anything.  They only bought me three of these shirts, though, and they don’t really think that I’m competent enough to not lose a name badge, so they just sew it onto my shirt, much like a mother would do with a note to her retarded child’s teacher.
 
Badge on a Lanyard
 
 
What You Think It Says:  I’m so busy that I don’t have time to keep track of something as insignificant as a name badge.  I have to do things with my hands all day, so I gotta have something that can stay out of the way, but still be functional, like the name badge version of a bluetooth headset.  Also, look at all of the different phones and devices that I have around my belt.  There’s, like, three different phones down there.  Does it look like I have room for a little clip-on name badge?  Hell no!  I’m way too important for that!
 
What It Really Says:  As soon as I get your computer fixed, there’s a good chance that I’m probably going to try to hang myself with this thing in the bathroom…and I will fail.
 

Shiny Medal Badge

 
 

What You Think It Says:  I am somehow involved in law enforcement, and this badge commands respect and signifies my authority.  Having said that, I’m still a human being, and I’m reasonable.  If you cooperate with me, then we will get along just fine.  But don’t question me unless you have a metal badge that’s shinier and more metal-y than mine.

What It Really Says: You’s ’bout ta get tazed, muthaf*cka!
 
Sticker Badge
What You Think It Says:  This is only my first or second day on the job, and so I haven’t gotten a permenant badge yet, but once I do, I’m gonna take this company by storm!  I’m young, I’m educated, and I’ve got a ton of bright, innovative ideas that could protentially revolutionize this business altogether.  Look out, company!  Here I come!
 
What It Really Says:  TEMP.
 

Rectangle or Oval Pin Badge

 
 
What You Think It Says:  Everybody that works here wears a name badge pin just like this, because it’s part of the uniform.  It lets customers know that I work here, and if they have any questions about anything at all, this pin let’s them know that I’m here to help, because I’m part of the team.  I know the ins and outs of this place, and I can handle anything you can throw at me.
 
What It Really Says:  You want the value meal, or just the sandwich?
  
No Badge at All
 
 
What You Think It Says:  Name badge?  Are you f*cking kidding me?  I don’t need a f*cking name badge.  First of all, everyone here knows me already.  How could they not?  Secondly, I’m so f*cking important that I have to wear a f*cking suit to work.  A really nice suit, too.  Do you really think that a f*cking name badge goes with a really nice suit?  No, it f*cking doesn’t.  Trust me, if I could get away with wearing a cheap shirt and a name badge like one of these other f*cking insignificant peon idiots, I totally would.  It just so happens that I get paid a lot of f*cking money to be way too awesome for that.  Just so you know, the time that it took for me to explain this to you is worth about $2,000.  That’s how f*cking important I am.
 

What It Really Says:  There’s a 50% chance that I’m unemployed.

29 Responses to "What Your Employee Name Badge Really Says About You"

  1. babu says:

    Sum up a person at a first glance-What a brain – You must be a shrink.

  2. Draekoe says:

    What about a name tag on a bullet resistant vest in Iraq?

  3. Smokey says:

    my badge is just my name that I wrote on my underwear

  4. Raoul Duke says:

    Mine was gold with a sharp edges in case I had to slit my wrists If I had to listen to that dammn elevator music!!!!!And my ass hole boss!!!!!!!!!!

  5. critter says:

    i want a shiny metal badge. :)

  6. Constructor... says:

    What if you involved in more than one of these?

  7. Philosopher Part 2: Bigger and Blacker says:

    I have a velcro name tag. and it has crossed swords on it!!11

  8. Fem says:

    How would you interperet that?

  9. jenni says:

    i leave mine on purposely, then act strange when i’m in a public area. people stay away and usually let me cut in line. ^_^

  10. MJlover1899 aka Claire says:

    lolz

  11. Fem says:

    Lol. that’s totally it.

  12. pratik says:

    Escaped mental patient on the loose.

  13. CarneyUGVC says:

    What about those people who forget to clip off their hospital bracelets and just walk around with them? How can they be interpreted?

  14. Davey says:

    I has one of these, and it’s awesome. Ass powers or no, it still says that i’m not important enough to have access to every door in that building.

  15. queeftard says:

    MINDFUCK

  16. hwaynos says:

    Whats bout the name badge that people hide in their wallets? And then when they need to get in the door they just kindof get on their tip-toes n’ scoot their ass over the sensor then, wallah!, the door opens. I think they just want people to think they have some type of awesome ass powers… but, everyone know they’ve just got their badge in their back pocket.

  17. No_need says:

    *voila…

  18. thistles serting says:

    this article & comments are one big ball of FAIL.

  19. Lucie says:

    Yes, we’re aware you have have to make half-assed insults back to anyone that criticizes you. Move on like a “grown up” would do.

  20. George T says:

    … preeeeetttty sure grownups can spell “acronym.”

    OK then … SHUT THE FUCK UP. Get that, Jimbo?

  21. philosopher says:

    this pretty much shows that if you work in a business where at least one person has some sort of name tag, you get dragged into this list and look like a douche bag

  22. Jim says:

    Grownups also know how to write a complete sentence without using acronymns.

  23. George T says:

    The grownups are talking, retard. STFU, get a job, then kill yourself. We’ll make sure your nametag is pinned to your carcass.

  24. Philosogay says:

    Yea! Move on like a god damn grown up you stupid assholes!
    WEAR YOUR GOD DAMN NAME TAGS!!!

  25. mtndew says:

    So I’m guessing you’re one of the ones who can’t even get a name tag because you can’t get a job. And you didn’t notice that this was more of a “funny” article that isn’t serious and doesn’t require people actually interpreting it calling it a “terrible article.”

    Cool story, bro.

  26. PKMH says:

    Wow, that was a terrible article.
    whoever wrote that should be shot in the face and dumped in a shark tank for sucking balls so much.

  27. MarkD says:

    Officer Crowley’s badge?

  28. Spell Check says:

    *sigh*

    Did you mean “shiny metal badge”?