You have a favorite sport, and you love the hell out of it. That's why you've got 5 fantasy teams going and your apartment walls are covered with fathead wall decals that make your place look like a shitty sports bar that only serves capri sun and hot pockets. Be careful, though: just by having a favorite sport, you're sending a message to the world, and it may not be the message that you're intending to broadcast. Here's what your favorite sport really says about you:
Football
What You Think It Says: They say that everytime a dude gets hit in the NFL, it's the equivelant to the impact from a moderate car accident. If there was a sport where people just got hit by cars repeatedly, that would totally be my favorite sport, but there's not, so I watch football. It's like gladiators with stragegy, and that pretty much describes me as a person: a strategic gladiator. Like Spartacus, if he was good at Risk.
What It Really Says: A pile of dudes in tight spandex grabbing at balls? Count me in!
Baseball
What You Think It Says: Baseball is a game of endurance and long-term strategy, and that's reflected in the way I live my life. I do the best I can for as long as I can, I wait for key opportunities, and then I take advantage of them in a flurry of quick action.
What It Really Says: Sometimes when I'm watching sports I doze off for forty minutes or so, and it's nice to be watching a sport that allows me to do that without missing anything.
Basketball
What You Think It Says: Basketball players are some of the healthiest athletes out there, because their job consists of tremendous endurance, super-human abilities, and dominating one-on-one competition. That's pretty much me in a nutshell, except that instead of having super-human abilities, I only have a couple of abilities that I'm pretty decent at.
What It Really Says: Basketball is just like me, because it's only exciting for about 5 minutes of every two hours you spend with it, and that's only because there's a good chance that it'll be over soon.
Hockey
What You Think It Says: Hockey requires more skill and physical ability than any other sport out there. The shit you have to pull off in hockey would be hard to do on dry land, and those guys are doing it while they're ice skating. Plus, it's the only sport where you're allowed to stop the game so that you can fight someone after you just plowed them into a wall at 30 miles per hour. That's badass.
What It Really Says: I played hockey when I was a kid, because I'm either Canadian or rich.
Soccer
What You Think It Says: First off, let's call it by it's name: futbol. Futbol requires more stamina and physical fitness than all of these other sports combined. There's a reason why futbol fans are so crazy and fanatical all over the world: because futbol is the most awesome sport on the entire planet Earth.
What It Really Says: My parents made me play soccer when I was a kid, because I didn't have any friends. It did not work. All the kids on the team hated me because I was fat and/or ate my own boogers.
MMA
What You Think It Says: No other sport is gaining popularity like MMA, and that's because it's incredible. The only thing that sucks about boxing is that you can't kick the dude in the head and then wrestle him to the ground and threaten to break his arm until he gives up or passes out. MMA fills that gap, and MMA fighters are super-buff and super-crazy. That's awesome.
What It Really Says: MMA is really popular right now, so by liking it, I'm fitting in. Also, if you like MMA people will assume that you can kick their ass, because there's a chance that you may be insane and incredibly violent.
Golf
What You Think It Says: There's no "I" in "Team", and I'm definitely more of an "I" person than a "Team" person. That's why I like golf; because it's one person versus the world. It requires skill, precision, and buying tons of new shit all the time, and those are all abilities that I respect in a person. Plus, you can get away with wearing ridiculous sweaters.
What It Really Says: I'm either old, rich and snooty, or both.
i agree, it's way more of an endurance sport than hockey, basketball, and soccer. to run for 40 minutes straight a half and give hard hits, not to mention scrums and rucks, no other sport compares. and just like mma, when people find out you play rugby, they don't mess with you, because you're crazy and violent.
Shouldn't the conspicuously gay comment have been reserved for MMA? Guys hitting each other hard in spandex or guys hitting each other hard in underwear? And Risk is strategy...right...
Did you get that from my defending football or ripping MMA? If you support MMA, you support men in underwear sweating and rolling around on each other. Now you tell me who exactly is gay.
Also, by supporting the MMA, I supporting guys in spandex PUNCHING THE FUCKING LIFE OUT OF SOMEONES FACE UNTIL WELL AFTER THEY BLEED AND GET BRAIN DAMAGE AND/OR KNOCKED OUT. By pointing out that there is gayness in it, you are gay.
MMA is an incredibly technical sport.
First off, it is the original form of combat and is not every sport or game combat of some form?.
Second, to punch another person in the face while trying to keep that person from hitting you, at the same time as reading every move your opponent makes so as to capitalize on their mistakes is extremely difficult.
Third, while SOCCER players are the most athletic ones, MMA takes strength, endurance, and the ability to know when to go for the kill and finish the fight.
Could keep going on about how hard it must be knowing that today at work you're getting punched in the head, goddamn mind fuck is what that is, but I'm tired and going to bed.
Hockey is king...it requires more endurance than other sports because even the best players can only play it for 1-2 minutes at a time before needing a break(boxing/MMA are close with 3 minute rounds)
Hockey is king because it is a sport where punching or fighting is a part of the game play without being part of the game scoring strategy.(ie in most non fighting sports like Football,soccer baseball,bastketball) punching another player is an automatic disqualification, fighting in hockey only requires that you sit out for 5 minutes
Hockey is king because you can actually hit another player in the head with a stick without the risk of being banned for life from the sport(try that in any other sport)
Hockey is king because its played on ice(try that with any other sport)
Rich Canadien ehh? us poor American kids played street or roller hockey of course until i moved to Canada and cashed in my trust fund :)
You can't hit a guy in the head with a stick. They are charging guys in criminal court for stupid shit like that now. I'm a rich Canadian. I should know.
you guys really should have gone further with the MMA fans... No mention of the gayness factor? Really??? Really... Maybe the Ed Hardy and other douche bag shirts that all of the frat fags are wearing now? How about how all of the people that actually watch this think that they can kick ass and are little fags or steroid pumping Jersey Shore fags? Cock smokers are cock smokers. Enjoy.
Soccer sucks. You get the same work out running on a treadmill, and it's far more entertaining. Anything that can end in a 0-0 tie shouldn't count as a sport.
I'd love to see one of you MMA haters try to take even one punch from an actual fighter. Then try shit talking with your broken jaw and concussion. One punch, seriously.
*What you think it says*
We are cool and funny enough to make fun of things that have been awesome since man started writing down shit that happened. We are also smart enough to explain and convince you that these things are actually gay.
*What it really says*
We are fat, lazy bastards who ran out of actual funny material, so we started writing this stupid shit. We make William Hung look like Albert Einstein, and we are way too gay to like anything that requires work, skill or dedication.
NICE.... MMA sucks a bag of dicks though. their fan base is all douchebags and guido's. they watch mma so they think they can fight now, and they eat all that shit up with the tapout and affliction shirts..... fucking sheeple. try skating 30 mph on ice and get a small ass puck past a goal tender who is as wide a the god damn net. that my friend takes skill and talent.
As long as you watch some kind of sporting event, and follow it moderately I don't see any problem with it what so ever. Questioning a man's intelligence or manliness based on the type of sport he watches is the most ridiculous argument ever.
if you don't stand up for your sport, and tell everyone who doesnt think its the best sport to fuck off and that they are gay, it might mean that you're sport isn't like good and that your dick is littler than the other guys in other sports...no one should get paid for playing a fucking game.
Twitter
December 7th, 2009 at 10:08 am
First
December 7th, 2009 at 10:09 am
whatever floats your boat
December 7th, 2009 at 10:09 am
rugby is better than all of these sports. maybe not MMA
December 7th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
i agree, it's way more of an endurance sport than hockey, basketball, and soccer. to run for 40 minutes straight a half and give hard hits, not to mention scrums and rucks, no other sport compares. and just like mma, when people find out you play rugby, they don't mess with you, because you're crazy and violent.
December 7th, 2009 at 07:14 pm
with you 100% rugby be the toughest sport in the world...and the best!!
December 7th, 2009 at 10:16 am
When did "First" become a comment to these tools?
Is playing "Firsties" YOUR favorite sport?
I don't think we need to say everything that says about you.
December 7th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Does beer pong count as a sport? That's my favorite.
December 7th, 2009 at 10:37 am
fuck off philosopher
December 7th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Shouldn't the conspicuously gay comment have been reserved for MMA? Guys hitting each other hard in spandex or guys hitting each other hard in underwear? And Risk is strategy...right...
Pretty accurate otherwise.
December 7th, 2009 at 11:51 am
You're a pussy who's afraid to get hit.
December 7th, 2009 at 03:01 pm
Did you get that from my defending football or ripping MMA? If you support MMA, you support men in underwear sweating and rolling around on each other. Now you tell me who exactly is gay.
December 7th, 2009 at 05:00 pm
Also, by supporting the MMA, I supporting guys in spandex PUNCHING THE FUCKING LIFE OUT OF SOMEONES FACE UNTIL WELL AFTER THEY BLEED AND GET BRAIN DAMAGE AND/OR KNOCKED OUT. By pointing out that there is gayness in it, you are gay.
December 7th, 2009 at 09:48 pm
If you think MMA is only into bashing people, you're in the wrong too.
December 8th, 2009 at 02:03 am
MMA is an incredibly technical sport.
First off, it is the original form of combat and is not every sport or game combat of some form?.
Second, to punch another person in the face while trying to keep that person from hitting you, at the same time as reading every move your opponent makes so as to capitalize on their mistakes is extremely difficult.
Third, while SOCCER players are the most athletic ones, MMA takes strength, endurance, and the ability to know when to go for the kill and finish the fight.
Could keep going on about how hard it must be knowing that today at work you're getting punched in the head, goddamn mind fuck is what that is, but I'm tired and going to bed.
December 7th, 2009 at 10:50 am
where the hell is lacrosse?
December 7th, 2009 at 11:20 am
that's not a sport. Not by a long shot.
December 7th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
It's too awesome to be on the list.
December 8th, 2009 at 02:45 pm
Silly, Lacrosse isnt a sport. Its people running around with sticks
December 11th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
How is lax NOT a sport ... ? I've never played but I know guys who do, it's brutal. I can just imagine the shin bruises o.O
December 7th, 2009 at 11:10 am
you forgot volleyball
December 7th, 2009 at 11:42 am
it is self explanatory if it is girls your a perv and guys you are gay
December 7th, 2009 at 11:32 am
tennis anyone?
December 7th, 2009 at 01:08 pm
wat about ping pong!
December 7th, 2009 at 01:12 pm
you forgot this sport that i like to call 'Your Mom'.
December 7th, 2009 at 01:51 pm
People do know that futbol is spanish for football right?
December 7th, 2009 at 01:54 pm
Futbol for portuguese too.
and you were right about what we think about futbol.
December 7th, 2009 at 03:09 pm
In Brazil its called futebol :)
December 7th, 2009 at 03:34 pm
In Brazil they speak Portuguese, so yeah, its natural you call it Futebol too.
"and you were right about what we think about futbol." - No he wasn't. Football is part of Europeans culture, not because my father made me play it.
December 7th, 2009 at 03:57 pm
Hockey is king...it requires more endurance than other sports because even the best players can only play it for 1-2 minutes at a time before needing a break(boxing/MMA are close with 3 minute rounds)
Hockey is king because it is a sport where punching or fighting is a part of the game play without being part of the game scoring strategy.(ie in most non fighting sports like Football,soccer baseball,bastketball) punching another player is an automatic disqualification, fighting in hockey only requires that you sit out for 5 minutes
Hockey is king because you can actually hit another player in the head with a stick without the risk of being banned for life from the sport(try that in any other sport)
Hockey is king because its played on ice(try that with any other sport)
Rich Canadien ehh? us poor American kids played street or roller hockey of course until i moved to Canada and cashed in my trust fund :)
December 7th, 2009 at 06:48 pm
You can't hit a guy in the head with a stick. They are charging guys in criminal court for stupid shit like that now. I'm a rich Canadian. I should know.
December 7th, 2009 at 09:52 pm
I'm Canadian, not rich, but we play hockey on every available space.
But with the stick striking, 2 words: Vokoun incident
December 8th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
here here! hockey truly is king. canadian? yes. no other sport will bring a nation together the same way hockey has for canada. Cheers
December 7th, 2009 at 04:36 pm
you guys really should have gone further with the MMA fans... No mention of the gayness factor? Really??? Really... Maybe the Ed Hardy and other douche bag shirts that all of the frat fags are wearing now? How about how all of the people that actually watch this think that they can kick ass and are little fags or steroid pumping Jersey Shore fags? Cock smokers are cock smokers. Enjoy.
December 7th, 2009 at 05:15 pm
Hockey and MMA in my opinion are the best sports.
hockey was funny because i am canadian and played it as a child. still do in fact.
December 8th, 2009 at 07:32 am
Soccer sucks. You get the same work out running on a treadmill, and it's far more entertaining. Anything that can end in a 0-0 tie shouldn't count as a sport.
I'd love to see one of you MMA haters try to take even one punch from an actual fighter. Then try shit talking with your broken jaw and concussion. One punch, seriously.
December 8th, 2009 at 10:38 am
What this article says about Holy Taco:
*What you think it says*
We are cool and funny enough to make fun of things that have been awesome since man started writing down shit that happened. We are also smart enough to explain and convince you that these things are actually gay.
*What it really says*
We are fat, lazy bastards who ran out of actual funny material, so we started writing this stupid shit. We make William Hung look like Albert Einstein, and we are way too gay to like anything that requires work, skill or dedication.
December 8th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
NICE.... MMA sucks a bag of dicks though. their fan base is all douchebags and guido's. they watch mma so they think they can fight now, and they eat all that shit up with the tapout and affliction shirts..... fucking sheeple. try skating 30 mph on ice and get a small ass puck past a goal tender who is as wide a the god damn net. that my friend takes skill and talent.
March 24th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
mma is awesome
December 8th, 2009 at 02:51 pm
As long as you watch some kind of sporting event, and follow it moderately I don't see any problem with it what so ever. Questioning a man's intelligence or manliness based on the type of sport he watches is the most ridiculous argument ever.
December 8th, 2009 at 07:13 pm
I thought everyone knew that holytaco loves to troll. You guys getting angry is actually the funniest part
December 11th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
I guess I match the criteria for hockey.
I'm playing it, and I'm Canadian. WOOT!
December 12th, 2009 at 04:41 pm
Baseball...the only sport you can follow blazed.
April 9th, 2010 at 02:43 pm
if you don't stand up for your sport, and tell everyone who doesnt think its the best sport to fuck off and that they are gay, it might mean that you're sport isn't like good and that your dick is littler than the other guys in other sports...no one should get paid for playing a fucking game.
May 21st, 2010 at 07:32 am
What, no tennis?!
July 12th, 2010 at 06:38 pm
HOCKEY. No questions
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