Your favorite television show
can define you as a person, but you have to be careful: sometimes the message that you think your tv tastes are sending isn’t always the one that other people receive. Here’s what your favorite TV show really says about you
What You Think It Says: I am a genuinely happy person, and I think it would be totally awesome if life were really a musical. Wouldn’t it be great if you could just suddenly burst out into song when you found an adorable puppy, or when someone broke up with you, or when your new puppy got run over by a car and you found it in the street with its skull all smashed in? I think that would be fantastic! It would be like High School Musical all the time!
What It Really Says: If I don’t watch Glee with my girlfriend and her musical theater friends, then she won’t have sex with me. Either that, or I’m completely flaming gay.
Law & Order
What You Think It Says: I know drama. Plus, since I’m so experienced in the world, I can handle the violence that’s portrayed in the show, and I can appreciate the "ripped from the headlines" stories because I am totally "in the know". Also, I think I may have missed my calling, because I always know who the killer is before the end of the episode.
What It Really Says: I am easily impressed by big words and stories about rape.
What You Think It Says: I’m a thinking man, and Lost is a thinking man’s show. Every week is a huge bag of surprises. I never know what time period I’m in, who’s alive or dead this week, or why that one guyliner-wearing douchebag has been 34 years old for 500 years. I especially love that with every episode I get more and more questions and less and less answers. The best thing about it, though, is that the show’s title describes exactly how it always makes me feel: Lost.
What It Really Says: I f*cking hate myself.
Big Bang Theory
What You Think It Says: I’m a stereotypical nerd, and I’m proud of it! That’s why I like that show: it makes me feel like, even though I’m easily as dorky as that kid who was Darlene’s boyfriend in Roseanne, I still feel like I could befriend a super hot, way-out-of-my-league girl who moved in next door.
What It Really Says: Nothing turns me on more than a fully-clothed hot chick sitting next to some cliche nerdy guys with eczema and nasally voices who are talking about Star Trek phasers. Nothing.
The Daily Show
What You Think It Says: I am current. I like to keep updated on all the world’s news, because I am a true man of the world. Sure, I could just watch some old, stuffy person shouting facts at me, but I prefer my news to be presented in a more fun, conversational way.
What It Really Says: I don’t understand those big word things they say on the real news. Plus, I really like when Jon Stewart gets all mad and drops F-bombs all over the place. Really, anything with F-bombs has my attention, no matter what it is.
What You Think It Says: I love absurdist animated shows, and Comedy Central’s animated shows are always spectacular. Did you ever watch Drawn Together? That shit was hilarious! Remember how many gay jokes it had in it?! I have no reason to believe that Ugly Americans could possibly be any less funny. Plus, it’s about weird mutant people who, for some reason, have integrated into normal society and actually outnumber the normal people now. That’s absurdly hilarious too! How can this show go wrong?!
What It Really Says: I get way too stoned during South Park, and I can never find the remote to change the channel.
The Price Is Right
What You Think It Says: I am always up for a fun time, and what’s more fun than a room full of people celebrating constantly and winning great prizes?! Plus, I really appreciate nostalgia, and this show has plenty of that going on.
What It Really Says: I’m unemployed.
What You Think It Says: I am on the cutting edge of entertainment. What’s more popular than vampires right now? I’m not talking about those sissy teenager vampires, either. I’m talking about hardcore, in-your-face, real life vampires. Plus, I have always "understood" the importance of the supernatural world, and I’m fully aware that it is not to be underestimated.
What It Really Says: Twilight isn’t on TV, and this is the only vampire-related material I can jerk off to.