We spend most of our day on the internet, and we have a few favorite sites that we frequent more often than others. Your favorite internet site says a lot about who you are as a person, but sometimes the message you think it's sending is not always the one that comes across. Here's what your favorite website says about you:
What You Think It Says: I am a person who loves to learn, and Google is a great place to learn about anything. You can just type a question, and you'll be rewarded with seventy pages of the same answer. For me, Google is FUN-damental. Get it?
What It Really Says: I might be a retarded person. Seriously. This morning, I Googled "how to get dressed", then right after that I Googled "Can I wear bologna to work if it's in the shape of a t-shirt?" Then, right after that, I Googled "I have glass in my ass because I ate a pickle jar backwards. What do I do now?" Does that make me retarded? I'd better Google that.
What You Think It Says: I'm smarter than the average web surfer. I like reading articles written by smart people and engaging in conversations about those articles with equally smart people. I have no tolerance for stupid idiots, and I LOVE internet humor, which is why I love Digg: it's the perfect blend of smart content and silly, ridiculous time-wasters.
What It Really Says: My office blocks all the nasty f*cking sites I normally go to. This is all I have.
What You Think It Says: I'm a worldly guy, and I like to keep tabs on what's happening on a global scale. CNN.com is the most trusted source of news, so why wouldn't I rely on them to stay updated online?
What It Really Says: I can't read. All of CNN.com's news stories are in video form. I'll tell you more about it after this 30-second pre-roll ad for diapers.
What You Think It Says: Nobody has any idea who I am. I am anonymous. I am a hilarious internet vigilante who is good at photoshop, and I definitely have a girlfriend who I bone on a regular basis, because I totally do have that. And she's hot. Also, she's slutty, too. And real.
What It Really Says: I'm a racist 13-year old virgin who lives in my parent's basement.
What You Think It Says: I thought I was unique, mainly due to my intense interest in steampunk, children's books, internet nerd stuff, Science Fiction, building my own LED methane-powered baby mobiles, and tiny stuffed figurines that are shaped like cartoon parasites and/or Cthulu. Then I found Boing Boing. It turns out there are a lot of us out there.
What It Really Says: Wait, where are the titties? Where are the videos of girls jumping on trampolines? This website is misleading.
What You Think It Says: I clicked on this Digg article because I f*cking love lists. This article seems a little wordy, though. Oh, wait! It's broken up into sections. That means it's not nearly as long!
What It Really Says: Oh! Dude! I freakin' loved MAD Magazine when I was a kid! I used to---wait, what? What's Cracked Magazine? Wait, what's Cracked.com? I just clicked on this because it had a low number in the title.
What You Think It Says: Hey, look at me! I like funny, dirty, stupid, partially naked things! I like seeing people swear in writing, and I LOVE flowcharts and shit jokes! I also like picking one random, anonymous commenter and just pummeling them into the ground until they're a shell of their former self! Then, when they finally abandon the site, I'll pick another one and do it all over again! Oh, look! Another shit joke! Boobs!
What It Really Says: F*ck Cracked! All they do is post lists every day, and I f*ckin' hate lists!
What You Think It Says: I love being discreet about my porn habits. This site could be anything; lots of things are red. It could be a site devoted solely to videos of fire trucks or Radio Flyer wagons. Nobody knows! I'll tell you one thing though: it's certainly not porn...but it might be.
What It Really Says: I like porn. I really like porn. I like it to the point that I can't get a boner if the video is poorly shot, or if the lighting is bad or something. Plus, I don't want anyone to know that I've been watching porn for the last 4 hours if they get on my computer. Man, my wrist hurts. Am I getting carpel tunnel?
What You Think It Says: Hey, world! I'm the kind of guy who parks his Camaro with the vanity plates directly in front of the adult bookstore. I don't give a f*ck who knows that I love porn. Sure, there are plenty of more discreet sites to browse porne on, but they just don't scream "I f*cking LOVE PORN!" loud enough for my tastes.
What It Really Says: I don't give a f*ck what you think it really says about me. "I f*cking love porn", that's what it says! F*ck off!
Cracked is a great site! We made fun of it in this article, but we made fun of all of these sites and we like them all (except maybe CNN.com). XVideos is okay, but it takes too long to load, and you end up sitting there for two minutes with your dick in your hand waiting for it. That's fine if that's what you're into, but Youjizz has a comparable selection, site design, and vid quality, and the load time is better.
i have to disagree with all of you holy taco eats my balls, and motherless is the best internet porn site ever you cant watch a dog fuck a chick on redtube now can you?....i think not
Hey where's yahoo.com? That's my homepage.....because I'm too lazy to get news on cnn.com and is basically a base thing where you spread to other places on the internet, also is not google. I'm I and idiot!?
Also there is no girl here who is hot, but my gf is hot!
Twitter
March 12th, 2010 at 10:20 am
So glad Red Tube made it. Now I can go on living.
March 12th, 2010 at 10:37 am
Yeah, go on living in your mom's basement jacking off
March 12th, 2010 at 10:54 am
pummel this asshole into the ground for being first, until he consequently has to leave holy taco
March 12th, 2010 at 03:04 pm
Funniest comment ever, i'm going to send you a vanity plate saying that you're the funniest person alive!!!!
March 14th, 2010 at 02:27 pm
"Hey, look at me! I can recite jokes used in an article I just read."
May 11th, 2010 at 10:20 pm
I don't believe that was a joke cited in the list...
March 12th, 2010 at 10:52 am
first!
March 12th, 2010 at 11:03 am
Epic fail
March 12th, 2010 at 08:59 pm
I like gross chicks = http://bit.ly/cpQK18
March 12th, 2010 at 11:01 am
Spot on. Cracked is good though I used to read Cracked and MAD magazine. Xvideos is the best porn site though.
March 12th, 2010 at 11:42 am
Cracked is a great site! We made fun of it in this article, but we made fun of all of these sites and we like them all (except maybe CNN.com). XVideos is okay, but it takes too long to load, and you end up sitting there for two minutes with your dick in your hand waiting for it. That's fine if that's what you're into, but Youjizz has a comparable selection, site design, and vid quality, and the load time is better.
March 12th, 2010 at 01:13 pm
4tube is superior.
March 12th, 2010 at 01:17 pm
Both Holy Taco and Cracked are great sites, you both have slightly different sense of humor. (And I love lists, I'll admit it.)
I like PornTube and ExtreameTube, though.
March 12th, 2010 at 09:34 pm
Wide6.com, 'nuff said.
March 12th, 2010 at 10:17 pm
i have to disagree with all of you holy taco eats my balls, and motherless is the best internet porn site ever you cant watch a dog fuck a chick on redtube now can you?....i think not
March 13th, 2010 at 05:25 am
You are one deviant motherfu***ker.......you must REALLY be Tiger Woods.
March 13th, 2010 at 11:16 pm
Xhamster is good, too.
March 12th, 2010 at 11:36 am
NIce, Google, 4Chan and HolyTaco, not necessarily in that order totally ROCK!
Lou
www.isp-snooping.es.tc
March 12th, 2010 at 03:13 pm
SPAZZ OUT ALL DAY twitter.com/cezzagetjuris follow me yall
March 12th, 2010 at 04:10 pm
I love cracked. You are all a bunch of gayboys!
March 12th, 2010 at 06:06 pm
i am sorry but cracked is the best site on the list........the list.
March 12th, 2010 at 06:51 pm
spankwire makes for good porn
March 12th, 2010 at 07:30 pm
That was a shot at you, DonkeyXote.
March 13th, 2010 at 11:23 pm
I don't mind when guys take shots at me. Especially shots of cum, sprayed all over my naked little European body.
March 12th, 2010 at 11:54 pm
Holy Taco might not be Cracked, but at least it's not FunnyCrave. Man that place is depressing...
p.s. combine holy taco and cracked. HOLY CRACKED TACO SHELL (and also add shell.com)
March 13th, 2010 at 05:22 am
Hey where's yahoo.com? That's my homepage.....because I'm too lazy to get news on cnn.com and is basically a base thing where you spread to other places on the internet, also is not google. I'm I and idiot!?
Also there is no girl here who is hot, but my gf is hot!
March 13th, 2010 at 09:19 pm
Bucket Headed Monkey et al., still hasn't figured out how to use punctuation correctly.
March 13th, 2010 at 01:03 pm
4chan but no SA!? Sick.
March 13th, 2010 at 10:58 pm
you forgot the part where you say that 4chan is for weeaboo faggots that all like wapanese faggotry
March 14th, 2010 at 11:14 pm
Hey... Holy Taco, You forgot Pornhub...
March 15th, 2010 at 08:42 am
Cracked is still a good site. Little picky on their submissions though. Their moral compass only points in the direction of money which is sad.....
May 16th, 2010 at 02:24 pm
Give a glance at this new porn search engine :)
www.buttbot.com
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