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What Your Favorite Website Says About You

We spend most of our day on the internet, and we have a few favorite sites that we frequent more often than others.  Your favorite internet site says a lot about who you are as a person, but sometimes the message you think it’s sending is not always the one that comes across. Here’s what your favorite website says about you:
 
What You Think It Says: I am a person who loves to learn, and Google is a great place to learn about anything.  You can just type a question, and you’ll be rewarded with seventy pages of the same answer.  For me, Google is FUN-damental.  Get it?
 
What It Really Says: I might be a retarded person. Seriously. This morning, I Googled "how to get dressed", then right after that I Googled "Can I wear bologna to work if it’s in the shape of a t-shirt?" Then, right after that, I Googled "I have glass in my ass because I ate a pickle jar backwards. What do I do now?" Does that make me retarded? I’d better Google that.
 
 
What You Think It Says: I’m smarter than the average web surfer. I like reading articles written by smart people and engaging in conversations about those articles with equally smart people. I have no tolerance for stupid idiots, and I LOVE internet humor, which is why I love Digg: it’s the perfect blend of smart content and silly, ridiculous time-wasters.
 
What It Really Says: My office blocks all the nasty f*cking sites I normally go to. This is all I have.
  
 
What You Think It Says: I’m a worldly guy, and I like to keep tabs on what’s happening on a global scale.  CNN.com is the most trusted source of news, so why wouldn’t I rely on them to stay updated online?
 
What It Really Says: I can’t read. All of CNN.com’s news stories are in video form. I’ll tell you more about it after this 30-second pre-roll ad for diapers.
 
 
 

 
What You Think It Says: Nobody has any idea who I am. I am anonymous. I am a hilarious internet vigilante who is good at photoshop, and I definitely have a girlfriend who I bone on a regular basis, because I totally do have that. And she’s hot. Also, she’s slutty, too. And real.
 
What It Really Says: I’m a racist 13-year old virgin who lives in my parent’s basement.
 
What You Think It Says: I thought I was unique, mainly due to my intense interest in steampunk, children’s books, internet nerd stuff, Science Fiction, building my own LED methane-powered baby mobiles, and tiny stuffed figurines that are shaped like cartoon parasites and/or Cthulu. Then I found Boing Boing. It turns out there are a lot of us out there.
 
What It Really Says: Wait, where are the titties? Where are the videos of girls jumping on trampolines? This website is misleading.
 

 
What You Think It Says: I clicked on this Digg article because I f*cking love lists. This article seems a little wordy, though.  Oh, wait! It’s broken up into sections. That means it’s not nearly as long!
 
What It Really Says: Oh! Dude! I freakin’ loved MAD Magazine when I was a kid! I used to—wait, what? What’s Cracked Magazine? Wait, what’s Cracked.com? I just clicked on this because it had a low number in the title.
  
 

What You Think It Says: Hey, look at me! I like funny, dirty, stupid, partially naked things! I like seeing people swear in writing, and I LOVE flowcharts and shit jokes! I also like picking one random, anonymous commenter and just pummeling them into the ground until they’re a shell of their former self! Then, when they finally abandon the site, I’ll pick another one and do it all over again! Oh, look! Another shit joke! Boobs!
 
What It Really Says: F*ck Cracked! All they do is post lists every day, and I f*ckin’ hate lists!
 
 
 
What You Think It Says: I love being discreet about my porn habits. This site could be anything; lots of things are red. It could be a site devoted solely to videos of fire trucks or Radio Flyer wagons. Nobody knows! I’ll tell you one thing though: it’s certainly not porn…but it might be.
 
What It Really Says: I like porn.  I really like porn. I like it to the point that I can’t get a boner if the video is poorly shot, or if the lighting is bad or something.  Plus, I don’t want anyone to know that I’ve been watching porn for the last 4 hours if they get on my computer.  Man, my wrist hurts. Am I getting carpel tunnel?
 
  
 
What You Think It Says: Hey, world! I’m the kind of guy who parks his Camaro with the vanity plates directly in front of the adult bookstore. I don’t give a f*ck who knows that I love porn. Sure, there are plenty of more discreet sites to browse porne on, but they just don’t scream "I f*cking LOVE PORN!" loud enough for my tastes.

What It Really Says: I don’t give a f*ck what you think it really says about me. "I f*cking love porn", that’s what it says! F*ck off!
  

32 Responses to "What Your Favorite Website Says About You"

  1. This girl is hot! says:

    Hey where’s yahoo.com? That’s my homepage…..because I’m too lazy to get news on cnn.com and is basically a base thing where you spread to other places on the internet, also is not google. I’m I and idiot!?

    Also there is no girl here who is hot, but my gf is hot!

  2. SuckItZonies says:

    Holy Taco might not be Cracked, but at least it’s not FunnyCrave. Man that place is depressing…

    p.s. combine holy taco and cracked. HOLY CRACKED TACO SHELL (and also add shell.com)

  3. House jerk says:

    4chan but no SA!? Sick.

  4. Ann T Christ says:

    Bucket Headed Monkey et al., still hasn’t figured out how to use punctuation correctly.

  5. fagchan says:

    you forgot the part where you say that 4chan is for weeaboo faggots that all like wapanese faggotry

  6. Anny says:

    Hey… Holy Taco, You forgot Pornhub…

  7. Big W says:

    Cracked is still a good site. Little picky on their submissions though. Their moral compass only points in the direction of money which is sad…..

  8. Chuckyyy says:

    Give a glance at this new porn search engine :)
    http://www.buttbot.com

  9. Marshall says:

    So glad Red Tube made it. Now I can go on living.

  10. Asshole Commentator says:

    Yeah, go on living in your mom’s basement jacking off

  11. Al-P says:

    pummel this asshole into the ground for being first, until he consequently has to leave holy taco

  12. hahaha says:

    Funniest comment ever, i’m going to send you a vanity plate saying that you’re the funniest person alive!!!!

  13. stuffwiththings says:

    “Hey, look at me! I can recite jokes used in an article I just read.”

  14. Joe Dirt says:

    I don’t believe that was a joke cited in the list…

  15. dedesca's says:

    first!

  16. Cracker says:

    Epic fail

  17. Spode says:

    I like gross chicks = http://bit.ly/cpQK18

  18. Giggity says:

    Spot on. Cracked is good though I used to read Cracked and MAD magazine. Xvideos is the best porn site though.

  19. justin says:
    Cracked is a great site! We made fun of it in this article, but we made fun of all of these sites and we like them all (except maybe CNN.com). 
     
    XVideos is okay, but it takes too long to load, and you end up sitting there for two minutes with your dick in your hand waiting for it. That’s fine if that’s what you’re into, but Youjizz has a comparable selection, site design, and vid quality, and the load time is better.
  20. is better says:

    4tube is superior.

  21. Stick says:

    Both Holy Taco and Cracked are great sites, you both have slightly different sense of humor. (And I love lists, I’ll admit it.)

    I like PornTube and ExtreameTube, though.

  22. Boah says:

    Wide6.com, ’nuff said.

  23. Tiger's Wood says:

    i have to disagree with all of you holy taco eats my balls, and motherless is the best internet porn site ever you cant watch a dog fuck a chick on redtube now can you?….i think not

  24. This girl is hot! says:

    You are one deviant motherfu***ker…….you must REALLY be Tiger Woods.

  25. Chubbs says:

    Xhamster is good, too.

  26. Lou Rawls says:

    NIce, Google, 4Chan and HolyTaco, not necessarily in that order totally ROCK!

    Lou
    http://www.isp-snooping.es.tc

  27. black guy says:

    SPAZZ OUT ALL DAY twitter.com/cezzagetjuris follow me yall

  28. Mark Wahlberg's Anus says:

    I love cracked. You are all a bunch of gayboys!

  29. kcmo says:

    i am sorry but cracked is the best site on the list……..the list.

  30. porn is good says:

    spankwire makes for good porn

  31. MyFightWiffaCheeto says:

    That was a shot at you, DonkeyXote.

  32. DonkeyXoote says:

    I don’t mind when guys take shots at me. Especially shots of cum, sprayed all over my naked little European body.