What Your Tattoo Really Says About You

July 6th, 2009 | 10:16 am
Tattoos are more popular than ever. People from nearly every social, cultural, and ideological background are using tattoos as a way to identify themselves to the world.  But sometimes your tattoo can send a message that's different than what you intended.  Here's what your tattoo is really saying about you:
 
 
Tribal Band Around Bicep
 
  
What You Think It Says:  I am totally badass, and everyone is gonna be able to tell that I hit the gym regularly.  Now nobody's gonna mess with me when I put on my sleeveless "Event Security" t-shirt.
 
What It Really Says:  I only do curls at the gym, so I need to circle my one muscular body part to divert attention away from my scrawny legs, and this design was the coolest one in the tattoo guy's book.
 
Statement Heard From This Person:  " Hey, pussy! You can't bring that camera in here! There are photos of Triple H and Chris Jerico available inside the arena."
 
 
Celtic Symbol on Back
 
 
What You Think It Says:  I'm out of the house now, so I'm totally getting that tattoo.  I'm freakin' rebelious, and when school starts everyone is gonna know it!
 
What It Really Says:  I can't go swimming when Granny is around.
 
Statement Heard From This Person:  "Do you promise mom and dad don't know about my tattoo?  Okay, and what about those porn sites I charged to Dad's credit card?"
 
 
Butterfly on Small of Back
 
 
What You Think It Says:  This is a cute accent to my already attractive body.  It will draw attention to my waist, which is a good feature of mine.  Then when they see what it is they'll say, "Aw, how cute! It's an adorable butterfly! It must be an accurate representation of that girl's personality!"
 
What It Really Says:  Aim your cumshot here.
 
Statement Heard From This Person: "There are seriously no hot guys in here.  I'm gonna go talk to that Mexican busboy for a while."
 
 
Poem on Forearm
 
 
 
What You Think It Says:  I'm artistic and creative.  I went to a Liberal Arts college for a while, and my experiences there made me a better person and expanded my world view.  My new outlook on life is best-represented by this particular poem, so I wear in on my body at all times.
 
What It Really Says:  Hi, I'm a bike messenger.  I'm here to deliver some important documents.
 
Statement Heard From This Person:  Oh, you can definitely read a book and ride a bike at the same time...unless you're reading Neitzsche."
 
 
Small Heart on Pelvis
 
 
What You Think It Says:  This tattoo is a special gift for someone who I care deeply about...when they go down on me.
 
What It Really Says:  I paid a hairy, sweaty tattoo artist $35 to rest his hand on my vagina for an hour.
 
Statement Heard From This Person: "Hi, it's nice to meet you.  Do you have a tattoo? 'Cuz I do. Wanna see it?"
 
 
Flower on Foot
 
 
 
What You Think It Says: I'm officially the coolest R.A. in the dorm building!  The other grad students are never going to believe I went through with it, and they are gonna think I'm so awesome!  Plus, I can hide it with my socks when people I respect come around.
 
What It Really Says:  I will regret this when I graduate and have to get a real job.
 
Statement Heard From This Person: "You have to let me check your backpack if you want to go up to your girlfriend's room."
 
 
Fierce Animal on Calf
 


What You Think It Says: Hey, I'm still a badass.  It just so happens that I fathered a couple of children recently, so I've got some responsibility now.  I have to have a job, so I can hide this tattoo with pants.  But if it weren't for the family and the job, I would totally unleash!  That's why it's a tattoo of a fierce animal: because if I didn't have all of this "life" stuff piling up around me, that's how crazy I could be.
 
What It Really Says:  I'm probably going to steal something from this convenience store.
 
Statement Heard From This Person:  "Did you see the Lakers game last night?  I almost bet my friend five bucks that they'd lose, but then I didn't."
 
 
Funny Cartoon on Ass
 
  
What You Think It Says:  I'm going to be the life of the party now with this hilarious ass tattoo!  Everyone is going to pay attention to me!
 
What It Really Says: I let a stranger put his hands inches from my butthole for three and a half hours.
 
Statement Heard From This Person:  "You're laughing at the tattoo and not me, right?"
 
 
Spider on Your Skull
 
 
 
What You Think It Says: I'm not satisfied by just freaking people out with my normal peircings and tattoos.  I need something that lets people know that I really, really don't give a shit about anything.  Just shaving my head and wearing only black clothes won't do, so I've decided to stack some badass on top of badass.

What It Really Says:  I'm on probation, and there's a good chance I might kill you.

Statement Heard From This Person: "I'm not allowed near that playground."
 
 
Awful Name in Cursive on Neck
 
 
What You Think It Says:  There's a woman that I love somewhere, but I gotta drive this big rig all the time, so I don't see her much.  That's why I got her name tatooed right here on my neck: so that everytime I check my rearview mirrors, I'll be reminded of her.  Also, I couldn't put it on my chest because I already have a huge tattoo of a naked woman there.
 
What It Really Says:  I totally f*cked this chick named Destiny once.

Statement Heard From This Person:  "You ever made love in the back of an 18-wheeler on top of forty-eight hundred boxes of string cheese?"
 
Comments

140 Responses to "What Your Tattoo Really Says About You"

  1. Rob Grave Says:

    "Tatts are Cool" - You've nailed on the head there. Cool being a word that is subjective and non-definitive in meaning.

    "and the body is an excellent medium to display it". Woah, that's profound!

    "All judgemental yahoos just need to stuff their opinions where the sun doesn't shine"

    A Tattoo is going to be Judged in some way or another by anyone who sees it. Some People who want to be nice will say it's "Cool". Most people however will silently detest it. Meanwhile, the vulgar painted person carries on with life unbeknownst.

    In normal circumstances I would also be silently unimpressed, naturally here we can vent anonomous opinion.

    Thinking People shouldn't be judged is the same as saying People shouldn't Poo.

  2. Myself Says:

    Tattoos are for one's self anyway, why should I care if someone silently detests them?

    You don't have to live/sleep/eat with these people so why the ruckus?

  3. Amber Rose Says:

    why do u feel the need to talk shit about other ppls tats the whole evaloaution of stupid tattoos was neither funny nore correct.. the point is u have no life.. and for u to take every comment that goes against you and turn into something totally immature and stupid just makes it even more obvious that u have no life...i could understand if it was something that was actually a problem that people should be makeing a big deal about.. but this is stupid. everyone has their own opinion on tattoos..so what? who cares.. their are goingt o be people out their that look at people with tattoos with disgust and their are going to be people that love them.. its baised on ur own beliefes.. But that is one of the factors that people have to think about when they are going to get a tattoo..not everyone is open minded and not everyone excepts it. I realized this a long time ago.. but i deal with it just fine.. if u dont like them well good for u but dont shun me for doing what i want to my body..because it is mine and it is my right to have them just as its your right not to like them.

  4. Thunderscrotum Says:

    A) Jesus fuck, Rob. So your only girlfriend left you for some guy that had a tattoo. We get it. Fucking kill yourself already.

    B) Amber -- this is what I don't get. How can you type all that brain-dead gibberish and still have the presence of mind to do the Captcha?!?

  5. Rob Grave Says:

    Seems like I've hit raw nerve. There's only a few replies from painted people, with skin 'thick enough (pardon the pun) saying they don't care about my comments. For you others, it really must signify your anger at your own stupidity. It must be really frustrating to have no self control, dragging yourselves into tattoo parlors, to imprint images that reflect your dumb-assed personality. Go for it retards.

  6. Jeff Says:

    looks like this dude Kevin here has one of the tattoos that was verbally torn to shreds and he's feeling hurt by it! hahaha these are all hilarious observations about really stupid tattoos, keep going buddy there are so many more out there to tear apart!!

  7. Miss Anonymous Says:

    i want a tattoo. soo bad. . . . .

  8. Rob Grave Says:

    Don't be a Git missy, the craving will pass. There are plenty of other Stupid things you can Do without needing to permanently remind yourself of it.

  9. JOE Says:

    this is really unfunny..... not because i have any of the tattoos mentioned, but because whoever wrote it is trying to be witty but failing in epic proportions.

  10. The Tannier Says:

    Maybe you should get a Tattoo of a Funny Bone

  11. ozzie Says:

    HAH!

  12. mitch Says:

    sorry not funny

  13. The Tannier Says:

    Maybe you should get a Tattoo of "Sorry not Funny" on your forehead

  14. educated white trash Says:

    Sorry guys, I beliieve that scars are tatoos with better stories. I don't have a drop of ink. just 5 bullet holes and a couple of major zipper jobs from the sugeons. And all they say was I was a stupid F--K and listened to a recruiter.
    But when some chick gets all gushy and wet and says "wanna see my new tat?" all I can say is" Thank You for that visual confirmation of your place in the lower castes of society."

  15. steph Says:

    bravo!

  16. ceilteach anam Says:

    some tatto's have a meaning ,some are dumb some are really nice and mean something to the person. i think you should only get a tattoo if it means some thing to you. it shows your comitted to something and that (if its for the right reasons) it means something to you and is part of you both inside and out. just because you dont liek tattoo's doesnt mean they are horrid things. everyone has their own opinions. and not all tattoo's are distasteful alot are beautiful. a tattoo is a way of expression. not dissing your service to this country i support you on that and say thank you for it. but i would rather look at a work of art on someones body than a scar. keep an open mind

  17. Rob Grave Says:

    Cellteach, you waffle shit.

    A Tattoo is simply an affirmation of one's delusions

  18. some girl Says:

    i have feet tattoos, wrist tattoos, ankle tattoos and rib tattoos. i'm not offended at all. everyone does their own shit for their own reasons. this shit is still funny.

  19. Nicke Says:

    And what does a tattoo of Taz or Tweety represent? 4 simple words.....A lifetime of regret (And a strong possibility of mental retardation)

  20. The Tannier Says:

    Miami Ink (Reality TV in a Tattoo Parlour) is the funniest shit on TV. I think however, that they should change the name to Schadenfreude Ink.

    (Schadenfreude = pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others)

  21. the lad Says:

    some of the "what it really said" lines just sucked. Others were actually damn funny, but I feel this one was missing that genuine spice. Somebody made this post in 10min.

  22. Mouse Says:

    I like cheese.

  23. mococat Says:

    I'm 50 and I have thought about getting a tattoo for many years. I'm not that squeamish since I got my last 2 ear piercings at a tattoo parlor. The guy just stuck a big needle through my ears and put the stainless steel earrings in. Believe me, I've been through worse pain than that. Try having gallstones!
    I think that tattoos are an expression of a person's personality. Granted, if you're looking for a job, as I am, you have to be careful about your appearance, which sucks. Tattoos are ok if you're applying for a job at a tattoo place or are a surfer or working in a music store or as a carny.
    I've just wanted a tattoo of a Japanese koi fish, maybe with a lily flower and characters representing good luck or maybe prosperity.
    I just don't get the "tramp stamps" that fat chicks have on their backs and then they wear tight clothes with short tops to show them off. That's just fucking tacky.

  24. mococat Says:

    Oh yeah, a message to The Tannier..did you watch that episode of "Two and a Half Men" where Rose explains the concept of Schadenfreude" to Charlie? I've known about that for many years. I try not to wish that on anyone cuz it's bad karma, baby! What goes around comes around.

  25. the tannier Says:

    Thank you enlightened one.

    Maybe in the meantime while karma comes to bight me on the toosh, you shouldn't take anything you read at face value.

  26. not a fag Says:

    "Shitting on everything isn't funny."

    Fuck you it isn't. That's why when they had a magazine Cracked kicked Mad's ass. Cracked talked shit on EVERYTHING even themselves and constantly contradicted it's self, showing the truth that we are all hypocrites that talk shit on what we don't like but the next guy's shit talking is just as valid as our own. They have always hit it from all angles.

    You probably don't even know who Sylvester P. Smyth is. fucking noob.

  27. Gaunt Let Says:

    "Cracked", huh? Never heard of it but sounds good. And I agree that we are all hypocrites in the end anyway.

  28. inNe Says:

    Really don't care who has or hasn't a tattoo, but regard those that do care, with suspicion, not the person sporting a tattoo, unless the tat us a trademark of some oppressive group. Where we never know what tomorrow will bring, I personally forgo obtaining an unique to me identifying mark.

  29. whopper junior Says:

    MY DICK IS SO SORE FROM FLOGGING.
    SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    SSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

  30. Spencer Says:

    I really hate most people who have tattoos today. It used to be that tattoos where a sort of a badge that you earned by doing something difficult, and being able to endure the pain was something you wouldn't even question. My uncle made it through the 82 Airborne and he earned his tattoos.

  31. Bananas for everyone Says:

    Just like graffiti, tattoos are a cultural invention that have been placed in the societal "box of misunderstanding". I appreciate the long and varied history of tattoos, the artistry and the imagination of the people with the needles, but... the people without the needles tend to lack both of those quality ingredients and try to make up for it with regurgitated and poorly conceived ideas. I have two tattoos, and I took the time to put some thought into them. I utilized my skills and imagination and drew them myself, I then brought them to a trusted friend who happened to find an avenue in the body modification business, and talked them over. In the end, he now knows me for being the only person he's tattooed that has had any original ideas. Does it make people douchebags? No, only in the same way having Prada sunglasses makes you a douchebag. Humans aren't the smartest creatures, only a handful of us ever really amount to anything, and in the end, if someone has a horrible 3 Keyboard Cat Moon tribute tattoo on their chest, it's their business, their shame, and our target for laughter.

  32. mococat Says:

    Oh my god, Bananas for everyone, finally a post from someone intelligent who knows how to spell! And use correct grammar!! Forgive me for being an old fart but it just pisses me off that so many people can't type for shit.
    As for the guy who wrote about Cracked, I grew up reading that rag and Mad Magazine as well. Wasn't Sylvester that weird guy in the overalls and the painter's cap? It was pretty cool, but no one can beat Mad. Except, of course, National Lampoon.
    But, I digress.
    I, too, hate poseurs who have to have the latest cool item du jour. What's with all the guys with the shaved heads wearing their sunglasses backwards behind their ears? You can't tell 'em apart! And, of course, all the while yakking on the latest cell phone that they waited in line for hours to buy, only to find the price greatly reduced a few weeks later.
    The great thing about getting older is that you don't give a shit about what people think about you. Which brings me back to tattoos. Yes, I still want one that expresses my beliefs. I'd actually love to have an Asian tiger tattooed on my back. Japanese art is incredibly beautiful.

  33. Poison Ivy League Says:

    U guys both need to get out of the dumb overly liberal and vacuous Barnard College type of fake ingenuous thinking.

    No I'm not from there, and I'm thankful of that

  34. Poison Ivy League Says:

    Forgot to add "lesbian" in that response

  35. mococat Says:

    Oooh, how fun! Retract those claws, kitty cat! This is just a forum, not Jerry Springer.

  36. mococat Says:

    Im bak and redy to take it up my anal anal hole..

  37. i got so many tits Says:

    i love you guys.. lets all get matching tatts

  38. WebsitesReaffirmFactThatPeopleAreJerks Says:

    the funniest thing about this whole thing is reading the comments from us posters. If someone isn't being a jerk, then one is responding as a jerk to some other jerk: Judgemental, overly defensive, self-esteem and inferiority complexes. Sad, little lifes that scream "pay attention to me, mommy!"

  39. mococat Says:

    I agree completely. I was just referred to as a lesbian for giving my frank opinion. I just think it's funny. I think that the people who are the most defensive are the ones who have the lowest self-esteem. And like I said before, I don't give a shit about what people think about me.

  40. mococat Says:

    Because I'm actully rather unattractive and my savvy for proppa grammer provides salvation for my vacuously dull life.

  41. philosoraptor Says:

    Yeah, pretty hard to tell that's you, Rob, get a fucking life already

    (I have no tattoos and don't even like them, BTW, I just think you're an assclown)

  42. Rob Grave Says:

    comon philosopherlovingraptor, you can abuse me more than that.

  43. George T Says:

    Jesus. Saying nothing would have been a better way to die. That was fucking lamer than talking to yourself under 2 different names.

    Not that you really give a shit about tattoos. You're just lapping up all the attention.

  44. Rob Grave Says:

    yeah sure, I lap-up the attention, much like a painted person hopes flesh is their msg board.

  45. Cuntastic Says:

    Stupid fucking CUNTS!!!!!!!! GOD DAMN IT FUCK FUCK FUCK
    NAZI NAZI NAZI CELTIC! FUCK DAMN IT CUNT POOPSHIT!

  46. dakattack Says:

    The person bitching about the foot tattoo DEFINITELY has some gay ass foot tats all over his/her feet- I don't even want to imagine what... Ok I do- Probably kermit the frog riding your foot like a tiajuana crack whore with a huge boner and silly smile. It means "IIIIIII Bitch about EVERYTHING!!!!" "Hooray!"

  47. dakattack Says:

    websitesreaffirmjerksandsomethingerotherthatyouweresuchaloserthatyouputabunchofwordstogether-
    I wish you well along your travels of philosophical wonderment and may reaffirmation be abound to your nutsack in the form of a shoe at least once a day from now to eternity. Love- That guy who reaffirmed what you already know so well because of your divine sense of perception.

  48. Bananas for Myself Says:

    Websitesaffirmin'... that's what forums are for. It's called debate, unfortunately at the drop of a hat the "debate" goes south, and fast.

    But it's a fun time waster when it's raining all day or like me, you have a horrible cold. Otherwise I'd be out riding my bike.

  49. Douche Says:

    tattoes are cool - dont be a wuzz and get one.

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