When Asian Instructions Go Bad

I purchased this crappy souvenir magic trick on a recent trip to Las Vegas. According to the photo on the box, this magic trick is supposed to let you push a coin through a piece of leather and into a shot glass-sized cup. Aside from being called the “Magic Black Hole,” there are a few issues with this trick. First off, it doesn’t work. Secondly, while the Chinese company that made it included a set of instructions, they make about as much sense as Asian game shows. Here they are, in full:

Before performance, please read the explanation clearly. If any question, dial the service line for any question. We wish you a bright performer.

OK, so there isn’t actually a “service line” for me to call. But since they’re wishing me a “bright performer,” I feel a sense of cameraderie with these people and can’t get too mad at them.

Legend of Black Hole

Performance Effect
A glass with black leather covering on and two coins on the leather. The audience choose one, then the magician presses on the other coin. The coin falls into the glass. And there is no hole left on the leather.

So far, so good, right? This is where things take a turn for the crazy.

Preparation
Pull the central part of the black leather and make it transparent. Push One-Yuan coin upward till the leather absorbs the coin, which looks as if the coin locates on the leather. Fix the leather with a band. Place a Five-Jiao coin on the leather. It seems One-Yuan coin pressing the Five-Jao coin on the leather.

Umm, what? Do you know how hard you have to pull on leather to make it transparent? (Hint: really, really hard.) And have you ever tried to make leather “absorb” a coin? It doesn’t actually “work.” Let’s continue:

Instruction
1. Say to the audience: “we have two coins for you to choose from saying all right, “I’ll perform with One-Yuan coin.” if the audience select One-Yuan coin. Or saying: “ok, please take away this Five-Jiao coin and I’ll perform with One-Yuan coin” if the audience select Five-Jiao coin on the leather.
2. Press the One-Yuan coin downward. The coin falls down to the glass and the leather is surprisingly perfect.
P.S. The One-Yuan coin locates under the leather therefore, the leather is perfect after the coin falls in the glass.

Yes, these instructions come with an actual “P.S.” which basically says, “Oh, by the way, you have to actually have magical powers to make this crappy trick work.”

On the upside, the company that made this awesome piece of crap also wrote me a letter to try and make me feel better. It says:

Dear Customer,
Thank you for purchasing our products. Dasheng Company is only one specialized in magical prop and intellective toys in the country, still, the company produces and sells hundreds of goods to the global, each item is the nesult of efforts and wisdom. Keeping the tenet of “Quality first, Service first, Customer foremost,” we hope you will enjoy our product, meanwhile, we will continually put out series of new magical intellective products. Thanks for your support and favour.

I guess I can’t point too many fingers. If I was asked to write instructions in Chinese, it would say something like “Parakeet major Timex fourteen shifter.” If anyone can figure out what’s lost in translation, please let me know.