As you know, I have a history of reviewing Fleshlights in non sexy ways. I mean, obviously you can hump one, but what else is it good for? That’s always been my point of view. But what are other people out there doing? I know that there are a lot of sites that describe methods of making your own homemade Fleshlight substitute, but what kind of advice are these guys giving each other? My original plan was to just do an article that broke down some of the worst ideas, but then I found this – SteadyHealth.com. It’s a site full of user generated content for people to educate themselves on health related issues. The one topic on which no one should be getting advice from random strangers and there’s a whole site for it. And what health related question did I find?
How can I make a fake vagina out of household items?
Yes indeed. Health related issues. But the trolley doesn’t stop here. The answers to this question are as preciously awful as preciously awful can get. Let’s look!
The Clay Cup
Pennis and Oriental Vagine is the #4 special at Dragon Boat Chinese on the corner of 16th and Northumberland.
Use a Pringles can. I use the big one. Also a broom, cotton balls and butt skin lotion. Plus a bag. Huh.
This is also a quick way to test to see whether or not you’re psychotic.
Urine? Why urine? Why??
This presents a whole new set of problems. What do you mean by jelly? KY? Petroleum? Grape? And what kind of glove? Like a rubber glove for cleaning toilets or a latex glove? Thinsulate gloves? How full? Is your hand in the glove full of jelly, too? Do you put your wang in the glove with the jelly or do you tie the glove off and use it like a water balloon?
The implication here is that somewhere, a man exists who saw some lasagna in the fridge and figured “I’ll give that a go.”
It’s uber? It’s uber, is it? Son, this is not uber. This is you defiling compost.
Evereetim I use butter as lub with a pork rost I get frikyun berns on my peen but it smeels like kookees so I dunt cair.