Who Killed Captain Alex?: The Motion Picture Event Of The Summer

Action movies! We all love’em. But are you like us? By that we mean, do you have crippling social anxiety that occasionally results in public urination? Ahh, don’t answer that. But if you are like us, then you’ve probably been wondering, “Hey, I love me some action movies, but I also love me some Uganda.” Then, after about 47 seconds of painful silence, you think, “Hey, why have I never seen an action movie from Uganda?”

Well, wonder no more, fellow nervous public urinators! For today our hopes and dreams have been answered in the form of Who Killed Captain Alex? A film that the description on the Youtube page says is, “Uganda first action movie from Ramon film productions.” C’mon! What’s not to like? It’s Uganda first action movie and Ramon film productions, makers of probably some other thing.

 
What does “Uganda first action movie from Ramon film productions” mean, exactly? There’s just no telling, because that shit couldn’t have been written by someone that speaks English. Or maybe it was and they were in mid-stroke as the sentence went on, which is a theory that makes complete sense when you read what comes after all that Yoda backwards talk:

Film eno ekwata ku kibanda amajje gwe gaagoba mu kibuga ne gamulumba ne mu kyalo jjeyali ye kukumye.yatabuka bwebawamba muganda we natuka no kulumba basi ya majje eyali egumbye emabega wa police station. A wo we wafiira ne Captain Alex.atamanyibwa ani yamutta.kya mu waliriza okuba ne helicopter ya police n’akuba ekibuga.

It could be another language. It could be the language they speak in Uganda (Ugandinese? Ugandish?). But there’s a good chance it’s a result of that thing we said earlier. The stroke thing.

We’re going to have to say that this might be one of our most anticipated movies of the year. There was Toy Story 3, which was wonderful. Then there was Inception, which was also wonderful. Scott Pilgrim looks pretty damn good so far, but, and we’re just being honest here, it doesn’t look nearly as good as this movie with its people shooting guns while swinging off a thing, a helicopter that can destroy skyscrapers while soaring at the speed of light times infinity speed, and worse-than-internet-porn production values.

Seriously, if you’re not excited for this movie, just get out. Get the f*ck off of our site.