This is an easy one. People are amazed that she’s survived this long. People actually congratulate Amy when they see that she’s still alive. She parties hard, she’s not gonna slow down until she’s long gone, and nobody will be at all surprised when she dies.
Predicted Cause of Death: She’ll suffocate in a locked dumpster that she crawled into to smoke some crack.
Burt Reynolds
The Bandit is not doing too well lately. His health is starting to fail, and he recently went to rehab for an addiction to prescription painkillers. Burt entered rehab after his housekeeper found him lying unconscious in a pool of blood. Apparently he’d been badly cut and was bleeding out. It seems like Burt doesn’t like getting old, and once you get to that point, it’s only a matter of time.
Predicted Cause of Death: Burt will suffocate on his own mustache.
Betty White
Loveable little Betty White is old as hell. There’s really no reason for Betty to be on this list, other than the fact that she’s really old, and Bea Arthur died this past April, and people tend to pair them together in their minds, because they were both on Golden Girls together. She still acts every now and then, but she’s clearly getting old. Y’know how, when you ask your grandma what she’s having for dinner, she tells you a two-hour story about how she got frisky with the captain of the Staten Island ferry in 1958? That’s what Betty White does now, except she does it on television.
Predicted Cause of Death: Betty will mistake JB Weld for cookie dough and stick a tray of it in the oven. The fumes will send her into a peaceful, permanent slumber.
David Hasslehoff
David Hasslehoff is awesome. He’s also a drunk. His family has stated openly and repeatedly over the past year or so that they are afraid for his health. He’s going to drink himself to death, and 2010 is going to be the year that he does it.
Predicted Cause of Death: Run over by a talking car while running in slow motion across the beach.
Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan is young, hot, rich, and crazy. That’s a bad combo. She’s fallen apart over the past couple of years, and it looks like she’ll be staying the course in 2010. She’s completely self-destructive, and now she’s desperate to revitalize her career. She probably has some kind of an ace up her sleeve, but if that doesn’t do the trick, then she’s definitely on suicide watch.
Predicted Cause of Death: Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of booze and coke.
Steven Tyler
The lead singer of Aerosmith has gotten so wreckless lately that even the other members of Aerosmith are concerned about him. You know something is bad if an entire rock band is concerned about your health. Ol’ Fishface is on his last leg and he knows it, so he’s gonna go out partying. You gotta respect that.
Predicted Cause of Death: Suffocation, caused by having too many groupie whores piled on top of him after doing the best concert of his entire life.
Courtney Love
Courtney Love has always been a crazy, f*cked up bitch. She probably killed Kurt Kobain, and she totally profited from that unfortunate catastrophe. Possibly due to the intense feelings of guilt that come with killing one of the most influencial musicians of a generation, she’s been trying to knock herself off for a long time now. Good luck in 2010, Courtney.
Predicted Cause of Death: A brave warrior name Perseus will come to kill Courtney. Knowing how awful and vile her image is to behold, Perseus will bring a mirrored shield, which he will use to keep an eye on her without having to look directly at her. After that, he’ll simply behead her, use her head as a weapon against his enemies, and eventually be hailed as an epic hero.
M. Night Shyamalan
M. Night Shyamalan is a good director and a terrible writer. He’s probably not going to die in 2010, but we added him to this list because we really, really want him to. He’s been on the decline for his entire career. Sixth Sense was great, and then it all just went downhill from there. Now he’s making shitty-ass movies where the wind is poisonous. Really? The wind? F*ck you, M. Night. Go die somewhere.
Predicted Cause of Death: None. It’ll turn out he was dead the whole time.
Courtney Love & Muppet Sexual Assault
Playboy’s Big Dance March Madness Bracket Challenge
and i here i though burt was already dead…. who knew?
What isn’t Ozzie on that list….Oh! Wait that drugged out douche bag died 10 years ago……………
I predict that Tyra Banks will meet her demise by overdosing on Rogaine.
it was all good until you marked betty white for death.
I only hope that the Lohan family has the forethought to preserve Lindsay’s great rack and donate it to, say, the Smithsonian Institution so that many generations to come may marvel at them.
Ernest Borgnine will die from dehydration due to excessive masturbation.
Burt may die but his really bad toupee will live on forever.
Joan Rivers will flat line from facial food poisoning.
Kirk Douglas will die happy after walking in on Catherine Zeta-Jones pleasuring herself with a vibrator.
Steven Segal will be found dead in an alley with pieces of broken up donuts shoved up his nostrils and down his throat.
Paris Hilton will succumb to a massive inflammation of herpes.
Dakota Fanning will die when she is accidentally mistaken as an hors d’oeuvre by Raven Simone.
Spencer Pratt will die when a child from the Make a Wish Foundation fills him with buckshot.
Hey guys,it’s me, Kurt Cobain coming back from the dead to tell you that these assholes misspelled my name as Kurt Kobain when they wrote this shitty article about Courtney Love.
I’ve been waiting for one of you self-serving idiots to correct them and I thought your need to criticize things would make you jump at the chance. Too bad I was wrong.
Now I will haunt you all and you will wish I never wrote shitty butt rock songs. And know that my name is COBAIN when you feel the cold, sharp pain of my shlong penetrating your shlong in the windy starlight of your dreamless night.
Good day.
I said good day, sir!
Something is really wrong with this post.
Here I thought Cobain went straight to hell for killing himself, but clearly he is in some kind of Purgatory between Heaven and Hell…All those Purgatory residents have impeccable English skills…
And this guy clearly SPELLS LIKE a ‘TWEEN SPIRIT.
P.S:
Dick Cheney
Kirk Douglas
Roy Horn (Siegfried & Roy)
Hello, I hereby order you
Number one to go on with that list and put David Beckham, George Michael, Claudia Schiffer and Chalize Theron on it;
Number two to take Lindsay Lohan off that list
Number three to make sure that thing with Hasselhoff really happens by sending him free booze every day until death;
Number four to make a list of the people who really could die but will not like the Pope or Magharete Thatcher;
Number five to take orders from nobody else but me;
Nummber six to forbid ennummerations on this site for all time
Number seven to obey whatever I said
Number nine to pay some money to schools that help people learn to count
So be it.
Hmm, have you ever noticed that the a majority of the ones listed in these annual death lists are people who do ridiculous amounts of illegal drugs (how many times has Winehouse been listed now, Britney is off the list after years on it), yet they continue to stumble about in public disgrace year after year, while the ones that do kick the bucket are the ones you don’t expect, who are on painkillers and other legal and taxed drugs.
So Curt Kobain, how did it feel to give a blow job to a shotgun?
Killed Kurt Kobain?
What about Mike Wallace? You heard it here first.
That guy’s already dead in my book. He fucked me out of a fantasy football championship.
It’s funny because it’s ah, bigger than, ah…you know, a normal hat.
After Dick Clark buys the farm, the mantle of “The Boy Who Wouldn’t Age” will be passed down to Pat Sajak. That guy looks exactly the same as when I started watching Wheel of Fortune 13 years ago.
Always sunny reference at the end. nice
lol @ m. sham
I FUCKING LOVE LINDSAY LOHAN’S TITS. They’re so perfect, I would do everyting possible to those things, motorboat,titty-fuck you name it. I keep hoping she gets her act together and gets her act together and gets her career back on track. Abandon your family girl they’re all a bunch of bloodsucking leeches.
I really hope she doesn’t die, I’m already sad enough about Brittany Murphy.
Good list, but you missed out a few guys:
1) Dick Cheney
2) Josef Ratzinger (aka Pope Palpatine)
3) Jimmy Carter
4) Robert Pattinson (either his fans or haters kill him)
I missed out:
5) Sacha Baron Cohen
6) Kristen Stewart (those Twilight fans are nutty)
Cancer 1 Dennis Hopper 0
That is some funny f*ckin sh*t! I love it! real, dark, and twisted Makes me want to read! Glad I am not the only one who has a list or ten of people who should die so my policy can pay.
and not one of these so called predictions has been accurate, although there is still hope, there is still 2 weeks left in the year.
How can Kurt Cobain penetrate my schlong with his schlong?? This seems an impossible feat?
first
I hope you die in 2009.
daddyd, you’re my hero.
^ douchebag, m. night fuckin hilarious. You forgot to add uwe boll and several other shitty actors and directors. Please continue the list
What is it with these “first” idiots, do they really think it matters? Is someone keeping score? I don’t get it, ANYWAY, I hope Steven Tyler is rockin around for a long time to come.
HOLY TACO RULES, HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!
The more attention you give to the firsters, the more they will first.
Clash of the Titans reference for the win.
Because it’s not like that story existed before Clash of the Titans.
Ah, no way!
I was referencing it because that’s where most know it from. (Especially with the upcoming remake.)
WEAK SIDE! STRONG SIDE! WEAK SIDE! STRONG SIDE!
This is a really good post. Good job HT.
BTW where’s my Holy Taco shirt?
Keith Richards is finally going to go this year. He checks every celebrity deathwatch list, and when he sees he wasnt on this one hes going to overdose on speedballs out of spite. (not that you can “underdose” on the killer coke & heroin combo, but hes REALLY going to go nuts)
Richards died years ago but has so many unnatural substances in his blood stream he may never actually fall over.
I predict that 2010 is the year that John Goodman finally eats himself to death.
never!!
Courtney Love should take over for the Joker in the next Batman movie. She already looks just like him. THEN she can overdose. The circle of life continues….
If I could have one wish and one wish only, I would hope for the motherfucker of Hugo Chavez Frias (Dictator of Venezuela) to die a painful death, in fact, I would want that motherfucker to be tortured ‘Passion of the Christ’ style, and if necessary to provide him with a blood tranfussion to keep the fucker alive for further tortures.
Mint!
I would just like to thank you for clarifying that Hugo Chavez was the dictator of Venezuela. Otherwise, I most definitely would have gone through life believing that he was the younger brother of Cesar Chavez.
All I know is that John Madden looks pretty dead sometimes
I’m sure I’m not the first person to say this (or something similar) but, I’m gonna make it my business to come back to this page at the end of 2010 to see if YOU are still alive. Since you seem to know so much about when people are going to die, care to share w/ us when your fateful day will be? No! Why not? Oh, let me guess… your crystal ball hasn’t revealed THAT to you yet, right?
Is he alive still?
May an earthquake topple next year’s venue for the Academy Awards on the night in question, about halfway through the broadcast. Total devistation, no survivors. Piss on ‘em. Any damn fool who makes millions of dollars for dicking off on a movie set for a couple of months doesn’t deserve to live. Piss on ‘em all.
none of these people have died yet…still a couple more months left of 2010…