Being funny is no easy task, just ask Chris Farley. Or John Candy. Or Sam Kinison. Mitch Hedberg. Bill Hicks. Assorted other brilliant yet dead men. You can argue that being comedians had nothing to do with them dying, but you are sorely mistaken. If they had to deal with what every other comedian had to deal with, it took years off their life.
The problem with comedy is that you need to make people laugh and the people who want to laugh presumably aren’t laughing already. The reason for this may surprise you – it’s because a lot of people who want to laugh are crabby ass clowns. They’re so depressed and horrified by their own existence they try to find someone else to brighten shit up for them. But man, does that ever not work.
Here’s an example for you – if Holy Taco ran an article tomorrow that, when you clicked the link to open it, simply directed you to a page on which Richard Pryor came back from the dead and somehow managed to shit solid gold coins out of your computer’s USB ports, at least 70% of the feedback would be negative. Someone would make a racist remark about Pryor and someone else would bitch that a doubloon ruined their shitty webcam.
If you’ve ever been on the internet before, and we like to think you have, then you know the comments section on any website is a black hole of despair and douchebaggery. Are we calling the people who comment on every site all the time douchebags? No. We’re just calling the douchebags douchebags and here’s the thing – happy, well adjusted, socially non-retarded people will read something on the internet and think either “Oh, that’s nice” or “Hmm, didn’t care much for that” and go about their day. A douchebag will rant in long, poorly constructed paragraphs about why everyone in the world has dick for a face.
Comedians face this sort of thing every day, only it’s in person. On the internet we’re cushioned by the knowledge that, when you call us dick faces, you’re lashing out due to your own sexual frustrations and likely borderline autism that makes you a malcontent. In person, comedians either have to lash out in an embittered rant or take it like a bitch. And both of those options are stressful.
Can you imagine how many years Jay Leno has left? He must get shit on everywhere he goes. And mostly that’s because he sucks so bad you can actually feel the pull of his suck once you enter California, but still, that’s a tough burden to carry for any person who tries to make people laugh.
Every sack of douchewatery sass that gets lobbed at a comedian is another blow to their very soul. You’re trying to make a living amusing people and the unamused have nothing better to do than bitch that they aren’t laughing enough. Well of course you’re not laughing, you’re a shithead. That’s not the fault of the comedian, that’s your own poor genetics.
Will there ever be a cure for this? Will comedians ever get to live to a ripe old age, happy with the knowledge they’ve brought laughter to so many? Of course not. When the world ends, only cockroaches and assholes will rise from the ashes. But there’s always the numbers to make comedians feel better, that for every asshole there’s at least 99 others who, if they didn’t enjoy the act, at least had the tact not to shit in a beer stein and throw it.
Courtney Love & Muppet Sexual Assault
Playboy’s Big Dance March Madness Bracket Challenge
It’s grammAr idiot, go suck the crust off your Moms dirty infested labia and get back to us fuckface.
This wasn’t funny! Your the douche who is a bag! Spelling! Grammer! Black people! Your just upset because you got a dick for a face. Just like everyboddy else.
Did I curse yet? Fuck!
I have sex with women.
I’m confused. Glad I’m dumb.
“Hey, so I told my girlfriend I wanted to fuck her between the tits, she said, “How’re you gonna make that feel good for me?, I said, “Right before I come I’ll stop punching you in the face.
-Doug Stanhope
God Bless all comedians and sites like this for making my days just a little less shitty
Drinks out.
sorry buddy.. but you’re a retard..
My butt hurts!
No more gang bangs for me, or my loose booty!
look on the bright side.. you assholes will live forever
21st rabble rabble rabble rabble i am angry!!!!
If comedians die young, then the new batch of Holy Taco writers must be immortal.
It’s nice to see that someone takes everything on this site seriously, so everyone can make fun of them and their severe retardation and PC ways. This entire site is to make people laugh and it’s called freedom of speech, fuck off the site if you don’t like it Anonymous. I now expect about 20 comments from anonymous because it’s the closest thing to a useful skill he or she has. I will laugh at a good insult, but I doubt you’re capable.
It’s also You’re instead of your, everybody instead of everyboddy, and have instead of got. But thanks for not getting the joke and proving the Taco right on this one.
How are you employed as a writer?
You forgot to add “Men” and “Children” on either side of “Women” in your last statement…sheesh
this article speaks the truth, cept the jay leno part, i like him
Hmm actually in this case it’s not “you’re” instead of “your”. That would be wrong, as he is using “your” in a possessive sense.
This is an excellent article…and a nice kick in the nuts for the douchebags who keep ranting bad stuff in some great articles.
Keep up the good work Holy Taco!
Nerd was correct, Jack was wrong.
Actually it should be “you’re the douche” and “You’re just upset”….It means “you are”.
Did you people go to school AT ALL?
over a year ago I stumbled onto ht and laughed my ass off. Everthing was gold and I favourited the site and checked it out every day. The girls were hot too. I have never commented before and dint plan too again because I don’t go on ht to entertain but tone entertained that’s ht’s job. But since you guys stopped the comments a few weeks back. This site has lost it. It’s not my business how or why that’s yours. But the way I see your the entertainers here and if people don’t find you funny that’s not the fault if the audience. It’s yours. Put simply I’m bemused that you would go so low as too put this article on here. Imagine carlin not getting a laugh and telling the auidience it there behaviour that causes his jokes not to be funny. It’s insulting and dumb. Goodbye ht thanks for the memories.
the a is missing from has dick for face should be has dick for A face HAHAHAHAHA
It’s correct. If you’ll notice, “paragraphs” are plural therefore “A” would make the sentence incorrect.
Also, Bill Hicks died of leukemia, not stress or drugs like most of the others. But for how much he smoked, I’m sure he would have died fairly young anyways :/
“A douchebag will rant in long, poorly constructed paragraphs about why everyone in the world has dick for a face.”
You forgot an A you fucking retards! hahahahahaha god I feel sexually gratified
Talk about insecure HT…where did you guys come from?
FYI…first time I’ve ever posted a comment on this site.
You are biting the hand (penis) that feeds you (sperm).
alright ht, lets take a step back this is the 2nd recent article where you insinuate that your commenter critics couldn’t get it up if offered the full willing roster of victoria secret girls. also that there retarded. yet in this very same article you rag on jay leno (who deserves it) but hypocritical isnt a strong enough word, i mean take your own advice “notice someone dose not appreciate your brand of comedy and go on with your day”
excuse me, mr. anonymous was it? ht’s point was proven by your little speech here by your complete inability to spell simple words like “does” and “they’re”. so in a little twist on your parting shot, “notice someone DOES not appriciate your brand of comedy and shut the f*** up”.
Now i feel depressed. I would slit my wrists if it diddnt hurt so damn much.
Carlin was an anti-god (calling him a god would probably piss off his dead spirit and cause me to break out in hives in locations I didn’t know existed) and Pryor was hilarious. Too bad that these comedians were usually a little on the smarter side of humor which required the person listening to have a brain that they are willing to use to tease out the humor. So, why don’t you stop squeezing your dick so hard to allow some oxygen to get to your brain Mr. The good kind of racism.
And yes, right now I’m a bit of a douchebaggy troll…deal with it.
An article about how comedians die young, and the main picture of the article is George Carlin who died at 71. Same for Richard Pryor who died at 65.
Self-fail HT?