Being funny is no easy task, just ask Chris Farley. Or John Candy. Or Sam Kinison. Mitch Hedberg. Bill Hicks. Assorted other brilliant yet dead men. You can argue that being comedians had nothing to do with them dying, but you are sorely mistaken. If they had to deal with what every other comedian had to deal with, it took years off their life.
The problem with comedy is that you need to make people laugh and the people who want to laugh presumably aren’t laughing already. The reason for this may surprise you – it’s because a lot of people who want to laugh are crabby ass clowns. They’re so depressed and horrified by their own existence they try to find someone else to brighten shit up for them. But man, does that ever not work.
Here’s an example for you – if Holy Taco ran an article tomorrow that, when you clicked the link to open it, simply directed you to a page on which Richard Pryor came back from the dead and somehow managed to shit solid gold coins out of your computer’s USB ports, at least 70% of the feedback would be negative. Someone would make a racist remark about Pryor and someone else would bitch that a doubloon ruined their shitty webcam.
If you’ve ever been on the internet before, and we like to think you have, then you know the comments section on any website is a black hole of despair and douchebaggery. Are we calling the people who comment on every site all the time douchebags? No. We’re just calling the douchebags douchebags and here’s the thing – happy, well adjusted, socially non-retarded people will read something on the internet and think either “Oh, that’s nice” or “Hmm, didn’t care much for that” and go about their day. A douchebag will rant in long, poorly constructed paragraphs about why everyone in the world has dick for a face.
Comedians face this sort of thing every day, only it’s in person. On the internet we’re cushioned by the knowledge that, when you call us dick faces, you’re lashing out due to your own sexual frustrations and likely borderline autism that makes you a malcontent. In person, comedians either have to lash out in an embittered rant or take it like a bitch. And both of those options are stressful.
Can you imagine how many years Jay Leno has left? He must get shit on everywhere he goes. And mostly that’s because he sucks so bad you can actually feel the pull of his suck once you enter California, but still, that’s a tough burden to carry for any person who tries to make people laugh.
Every sack of douchewatery sass that gets lobbed at a comedian is another blow to their very soul. You’re trying to make a living amusing people and the unamused have nothing better to do than bitch that they aren’t laughing enough. Well of course you’re not laughing, you’re a shithead. That’s not the fault of the comedian, that’s your own poor genetics.
Will there ever be a cure for this? Will comedians ever get to live to a ripe old age, happy with the knowledge they’ve brought laughter to so many? Of course not. When the world ends, only cockroaches and assholes will rise from the ashes. But there’s always the numbers to make comedians feel better, that for every asshole there’s at least 99 others who, if they didn’t enjoy the act, at least had the tact not to shit in a beer stein and throw it.