Having trouble not
putting things in your vagina? Well, worry no more because there is currently an ebay auction of a book called A Treatise On Foreign Bodies In Surgical Practice
which is perfect for anyone who’s always getting things lodged up the ol’ hoo-haa. Here’s an excerpt:
This two-volume set remains in its original tooled cloth and in EXCELLENT condition. Vol. I has 271 pages, and Vol. II 320 pages. It is illustrated, and contains literally hundreds of interesting and unusual cases involving foreign bodies in all openings of the human body (rectum, vagina, urethra, ear canals, air passages, esophagus and stomach).
The books describe, for example, a case of a woman who had been experiencing vaginal bleeding for several months, but which failed to respond to conventional treatments. After direct observation, the patient was found to have a live leech in the vagina [after removal of the leech, the doctor recommended her to use an underwear or a cork stopper when going to the river for a bathe]. Leech died of starvation after removal.
And here’s a little from the leech file:
You’ve got five days left to get your hands on this helpful little guide. So you have one of two choices. 1) Stop shoving leeches, goblets compasses and brush handles up your vagina until the book arrives. Or, 2) Saying "Screw it" and continuing shoving that stuff up your vagina and deal with the consequences. I think I know which one I’d take.