Last week, the Pentagon unveiled a cybersecurity plan that puts the internet right up there alongside the land, sea, and air, as a domain of war. This plan will expand the Department of Defense’s ability to combat any malicious computer hacks from any and all of America’s enemies, present and future.
While this act may, on the surface, seem modern, it is not. If one were to dig through the archives of some of the greatest, most inspirational military speeches ever recited and recorded for posterity, one would discover a speech delivered by one of the finest speakers the world has ever known, Winston Churchill. On June 4th, 1940, with England on the brink of war with the Nazis, Churchill delivered the following rousing speech to the citizens of the U.K. on the subject of the will and determination needed to defend ones land.
The speech — the audio of which has been lost to time — is just as relevant today as it was 71 years ago. Some say it is even more relevant today. Others say back in 1940 it made no goddamn sense. Regardless, it is relevant and somewhat, if not entirely, prophetic.
June 4th, 1940
“I have, myself, full confidence that if all do their duty, if nothing is neglected, and if the best arrangements are made, as they are being made, we shall prove ourselves once again able to defend our internetz, to ride out the storm of war, and to outlive the menace of L337 haxxorz, if necessary for years, if necessary alone – forever alone.
At any rate, that is what we are going to try to do. That is the resolve of Anonymous – every Guy Fawkes mask-wearing man of them. That is the will of chronic masturbators and the blatantly racist Youtube commenters.
The Googlers and the Facebookers and the 4Chaners, linked together in their cause and in their need, will defend to the death their native HTML5 coding, aiding each other like good comrades to the utmost of their strength. Not literal strength, mind you, because there’s very little of that involved in clicking on a link to watch a .GIF. But the strength of will required to thoroughly p0wn less L337 haxxorz with DOS attacks.
Even though large tracts of the internetz and many old and famous web sites have fallen – namely, Sony Playstation users — or may fall into the grip of the foreign haxxorz and all the odious apparatus of the Spammer’s rule, we shall not flag or fail, as we are fueled primarily by guarana-based fluids and our minds and typing fingers are kept afloat by the music of auto-tuned remixes of news footage about our fight to secure the safety of the internetz.
We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in Usenet chats,
we shall fight on mIRC,
we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in our backdoor trojans, we shall defend our internetz, whatever the cost may be, and that’s entirely up to our ISPs and, in some cases, our data usage,
we shall fight on the IMDB forums about terrible foreign propaganda films about our L337 haxxorz,
we shall fight on the World of Warcraft PvP servers, but never in Starcraft, for those South Koreans are crazy good at it,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets of Minecraft, but mostly the fields, because that’s all there is in Minecraft,
we shall fight in the hills of eBay against all foreign aggressors to procure that awesome random assortment of Spawn comics that our mother’s never let us have when we were 8;
we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, these internetz or a large part of it were subjugated and starving for silly cat videos, then our Empire beyond our modems and servers and password-protected porn stashes, armed and guarded by the L337 haxxorz of our nation, would carry on the struggle, until, in the Spaghetti Monster’s good time, the New World, with all its bandwidth and Flash-enabled video content, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of countries that are still stuck in the 56k-era.”