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Beyond Toddlers and Tiaras: 5 Worse Ideas For Childrens’ Beauty Pageant Costumes

You ever see the movie Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts? You know, the one where she plays Vivian Ward, the hooker with the heart of gold? Let’s talk about that character for a second: Heart of gold or not, she’s still a hooker, so dressing your child like Vivian Ward is essentially dressing your child like a hooker. That shouldn’t even be something that has to be clearly stated, but apparently, it didn’t come as common sense to one of the mom’s on TLC’s Toddlers & Tiara, who actually dressed her child like a hooker. In her defense though she may not have seen “Pretty Woman” and thus assumed it was just a movie about a pretty woman, but someone in her circle should’ve piped up at some point and said “You’re about to dress your child like a hooker on national TV. You cool with that?” But they didn’t. And so now the whole world got to watch this little girl parade around, completely oblivious that she was dressed like a totstitute.

So, for future reference, and to help make the world a better place, I’m providing a list of inappropriate characters to dress your daughter as:

Ivy, played by Drew Barrymore in 1992′s Poison Ivy

As beautiful and charming as she was, she was a home-wrecking seductress. Unless you want your daughter to be the heel of the pageant scene, stay away from this one.

Divine, the woman from all the John Waters’ movies

Ok, she’s not actually a woman, she’s a drag queen. As fabulous as she was, she’s probably not an appropriate heroine for a young girl.

Satine, played by Nicole Kidman in 2001′s Moulin Rouge

She’s a dancer, yes, but she’s also a hooker.

Catherine Tramell, played by Sharon Stone in 1992′s Basic Instinct

This one seems obvious, but then again, I am technically addressing the people who thought it was ok to dress a baby as a hooker, so let me be explicit. Sharon Stone was a manipulative, dangerous woman in Basic Instinct who flashed her bottom on the big screen. Sure the dress is nice, and you think your kid would look great with her hair pulled back, holding a cigarette, but don’t do it.

Mystique, from the X-Men

Comic book characters are probably going to increase in popularity on the show-baby circuit but be careful here. Mystique is cool and blue, but she’s technically naked.

So there you have it parents. A short list of characters to avoid, just in case you didn’t know. There are plenty of other dangerous women in movies you could choose from, just do yourself a google search to make sure that you won’t be porning out your children on national television.

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