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World’s Largest Sperm Bank No Longer Accepting Sperm From Redheads; No One Wants Ginger Babies

Sperm Cells

You want to know why people hate so called “gingers”, aka red heads? You really want to know? Here’s the answer: there is no reason.

Sure, someone might give you a reason, but someone might also smear some fecal bacteria in your mouth — and by that I mean just because someone gives you something doesn’t mean it’s actually good.

Cryos, an international sperm bank based out of Denmark, recently announced that they are no longer accepting sperm donations from red heads, as their shelves are overstocked with the jizz of many thousands of red heads, which is a sentence I didn’t think I would type when I woke up this morning.

The problem isn’t that there they are receiving too many red headed sperm donations, but rather that there aren’t as many prospective parents out there seeking out red headed sperm.

On the surface, this may seem like horrible news; some subtle form of discrimination or the like. But to be fair to those out there that don’t want to take a squirt of red head juice and push their baby maker’s Blend button, there’s a weird 50/50 thing going on with red heads – 50% will have a good chance of being attractive, and the other 50 will have a great chance of looking a little…off.

Now how will I prove this outlandish and in no way scientifically sound claim? Why, with more bullshit, of course! And where better to find bullshit than a Google search!

What I mean by 50/50 is, red headed women tend to be beautiful, whereas red headed men tend to be…less so. You want something akin to proof that ultimately in no way proves anything? Well, then suck on these pictures a little…

Beautiful

christina_hendricks

…less so

carrot-top

Beautiful

karen_gillan

…less so

Rocky Dennis

Beautiful

Jessica-Rabbit

…less so

Howdy Doody

These two men are one of the few exceptions…

Elmo

Conan

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