Look, you know we appreciate a good sexy contortion dance, but there’s a time and a place for that sort of thing — generally late at night, after my wife has gone to sleep. Kicking off a baseball game with a flexible-chick act is a bizarre choice, to say the least. And yet, a recent game between the Lamigo Monkeys and Brother Elephants of the Chinese Professional Baseball League featured a “yoga goddess” named Yan showing off her moves before throwing out a first pitch that was only slightly better than 50 Cent’s.
Yan puts her arms behind her back like a praying mantis with its head on backwards, does some stretches on her mat, and then tears off her shirt, like you normally do in yoga. The pitch is a minor disaster, but she makes up for it by humping the catcher. I don’t know, man. I think we need to pull back on these elaborate first-pitch performances. Just give me a cute chick throwing it into the dirt and get on with the game.