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You Are All Cordially Invited To The Orgy

You're Invited

Hello Friend,

If you have received this Email, then congratulations! It means that you are one of the lucky 348 people on my contacts list that I am inviting to my first annual orgy! There will be chips! And dip! And people’s fists in each other! Oh joy!

As many of you know, running an annual orgy of my very own has been a dream of mine since I was but a wee young man. The passion; the delight; the entanglement of limbs and fluids – whenever I watched orgies I would always wonder “Why not me?” After many years of having never been privileged enough to be randomly invited to an orgy, I decided to be a true entrepreneur and make my own opportunities.

For the past few months I have worked tirelessly to secure a venue that can comfortably hold 348 people, and also has a lax attitude towards stains on their walls. I searched the internet high and low for the best value on large quantities of sexual lubricant, and I found a strip club in Hoboken that is more than happy to sell me a few buckets of grease they mop-up off of their main stage. It’s like how people with bio-diesel cars go to restaurants and ask for the used deep-fry oil, and then their exhaust fumes smell like French fries. (Note: you will not smell like French fries by the end of the night).

I know you’re all very excited about the orgy, but before we all jump head first in to each other, let’s set up some ground rules.

1)      Be a mindful of what/whom you are currently having sex with. Things can get pretty hectic the closer you get to the center of the sex-cluster, so make sure that if you are in the proverbial Brown-Eye of the Storm you formally introduce yourself to your partner. Make sure you write down their names in your sex journal. (Sex journals and name tags will be provided at the check-in table). This will also help everyone choose an MVP at the end of the night.

2)      No spitting on genitals. That’s just rude.

3)      There will be a sectioned-off eating area with a snack table filled with various finger foods. Food and drinks will not be permitted beyond the designated eating area! No exceptions!

4)      Cucumbers are an exception.

5)      Whistles will be provided if you become separated from your party in a rip tide of sexual passion.

6)      Don’t waste your time trying to figure out where that weird smell is coming from. It’s coming from everywhere.

7)      Set all cell phones to vibrate, for various reasons.

I really hope to see all of you there! I want all of my closet friends and family members to be at my side, or under me, or in my mouth, as I accomplish the one goal I’ve ever cared about.

Don’t forget to RSVP! Don’t let someone fill your slot! Wait until the orgy for that!

5 Responses to "You Are All Cordially Invited To The Orgy"

  1. cloud says:

    I’d like to rvsp. thanks.

  2. UrethraFranklin says:

    yessssssssssss

  3. DonkeyXote says:

    BRI
    LI
    ANT!

    xD

  4. yoyo says:

    I have a pet gerble who was traumatized at a previous orgy. I’m looking for a good venue where he could get his confidence and swagger back. Would such an orgy provide him with the mental and emotional nurturing he needs?

  5. a guy can dream says:

    Mexican bible studies anyone?