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You Are Dumberer Than A Monkey

It’s nice to know that for all of humankind’s progress (nuclear bombs, breast implants) we are still no smarter than our primate cousins. Japanese researchers gave some college students and some chimpanzees a memory test and well, I can’t remember exactly how it came out, so I’ll just copy and paste the important part of the article:

One memory test included three 5-year-old chimps who’d been taught the order of Arabic numerals 1 through 9, and a dozen human volunteers.

Five numbers flashed on the screen only briefly before they were replaced by white squares. The challenge, again, was to touch these squares in the proper sequence.

When the numbers were displayed for about seven-tenths of a second, Ayumu (the chimp) and the college students were both able to do this correctly about 80 percent of the time.

But when the numbers were displayed for just four-tenths or two-tenths of a second, the chimp was the champ. The briefer of those times is too short to allow a look around the screen, and in those tests Ayumu still scored about 80 percent, while humans plunged to 40 percent.

That indicates Ayumu was better at taking in the whole pattern of numbers at a glance, the researchers wrote.

There you have it, you are a dumbass and the animal that hucks its shit at stuff is a genius. Maybe it’s time to turn off the TV and renew that library card.

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