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You Still Won’t Believe This News Is Real

 

Over 500 clowns gathered in Mexico yesterday for a laughing convention, where they just laughed non-stop for hours on end.  Meanwhile, in surrounding areas, reports of people waking up in a world ripped from their own childhood nightmares skyrocketed.
 
Fu Bingli set a new one-fingered push-up world record by completing 12 full push-ups with one finger.  When questioned later, the rest of the world commented, "Really? Only 12? I mean, it’s impressive. I couldn’t do it.  I thought it would be more than 12 though.  If you asked me what the world record for one-fingered push-ups was, I’d probably guess, like, 40 or so. I dunno. I guess I just underestimated the difficulty of it.  Well, good for that kung fu guy though. That’s great. I bet I know how he’s gonna use that finger tonight, am I right?! Am I right?!!"
 
An aviation museum in Ohio thought they had a strand of Amelia Earhardt’s hair in their possession for 23 years, but it turned out to be a piece of thread.  Officials are now investigating how a puppet was able to become a famous aviator, and just what else our dexterous dummy counterparts are actually capable of.
 
A Chinese Girl’s body is being rapidly covered by a skin disease of some sort that resembles cow hide.  Doctor’s believe that it’s the result of a hereditary disease that basically causes normal moles to grow out of control.  In a related story, every Furry Convention for the rest of time will now be taking place in China.
 
A pair of Florida police officers were training their drug-sniffing dogs when their training kit’s cocaine stash went missing. One of the officers was called away from the training, and upon returning to the hotel where the training was taking place, the police dogs were extremely energetic and had destroyed the hotel room that they were staying in, and the officers could not locate the 2 grams of cocaine that they had hidden for the dogs to find.  In other news, those two dogs ate that f*ckin’ coke.
 

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