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Five Things That Definitely Aren’t Valuable Antiques

Recently a set of Chinese rhino horn cups was valued at over $1 million on your great aunt‘s favorite TV program, “Antiques Roadshow”. If you take a look at a photo of those rhino horn cups, they don’t look like anything too special. In fact, if they were in my living room, I’d probably mistake them for old coin dishes. I’d keep one to use, and give the rest of them away as christmas gifts. That’s the really confusing thing about antiques, some things are actually antiques, and some are just old pieces of garbage. But how do you know?  These tough economic times, combined with the chance at possibly getting rich may prompt you to start scouring your grandma’s attic, but you’re probably going to strike out. To save you some time and energy, here are a few items that are absolutely not antiques…

1. Old Boots

They’re old boots. That’s all they are. Doesn’t matter if they look like they were used as models for a Norman Rockwell still-life.

2. Tissue Box Covers

Tissue boxes themselves are relatively new, so covers for them, no matter how grandma-esque they may appear, are not antiques yet. They’re just ugly.

3. Anything With Clowns On It

Old people love things clown-related. Why? Because they didn’t grow up with the movie “IT” or any other number of things that depict clowns as evil tricksters. Unless creepiness somehow factors into the value of an old item, those figurines probably aren’t worth crap.

4. Old Pictures of The Pope


Unless they’re hundreds of years old, they’re just paintings of a man your Grandmother thinks has a direct connection to God.

5. Old Issues of Dirty Magazines

Why would anyone want old porn? It smells musty and the centerfolds are just oil paintings. Keep this around for a good laugh, but don’t bother trying to sell it. You’ll just look like a desperate pervert.

One Response to "Five Things That Definitely Aren’t Valuable Antiques"

  1. DonkeyXote says: