I was recently at a bar on a Saturday night, and there were these two women in the corner, they were probably 33-35 years old, and they were standing in the corner, waiting for guys to come up and talk to them. I know this because they were dressed like I was, the time I was six and and shit my pants in school, and thought I could just throw away my shorts and pull my t-shirt passed my penis. Except no one looked at them and said “We’re calling your mom, you need to go home.”
So, about two hours go past, and no one is talking to these ladies, because everyone in the bar is about 25 years old. People sort of reacted to them like you do when you’re in high school and you see your teacher in the grocery store. Just sort of give a quick nod, and then try to move past them. The thing was, you could tell that when these ladies were 25, they were probably really hot. They were still attractive, except they were in a bar full of attractive 25 year olds. And at 11 p.m., every guy in the bar still thinks “I don’t have to start hitting on those older chicks yet, I’m going to aim high first.” I like to call it "The Albert Pujols" theory: He won't swing at a bad pitch until he's got two strikes on him.
So, then the self esteem was starting to get low, you could smell it. They were standing in awkward positions, where their butts were sticking out like they were trying to air dry their assholes. Still, no one cared. They needed attention, and they needed it badly. And the number one way to get attention in a bar, if you’re two women, is to talk about making out. It’s the first thing every sorority girl learns. Possibly the only thing, I dunno.
So, sure enough, I’m standing somewhat near them, busily not getting laid, and I hear one of them say loudly to the other one “We should just make out. I would totally make out with you.” Let me describe the reaction of the six or seven dudes around them, by saying it was as if she had said “Hey, I have upper deck level tickets to Kansas City Royals game.” Meaning one dude sort of looked over at them, thought about it for a second, then looked away. Everyone else didn’t even turn around. Then it became uncomfortable. One of them turns to this group of guys behind them and goes “My friend just dared me to make out with her, and I’m like so embarrassed.”
At this point, the only way the situation could have gotten anymore awkward, is if I had been losing my virginity right next to them. The dudes they said that to were like “great,” and then just turned back around. Flash forward to about 1:15, and a couple WAAAASTED dudes come up and start talking to the 35 year old chicks, and within about four minutes, are making out with them, and within about another four minutes, they’re all outside in a cab together.
So what can we learn from this? It doesn’t matter that you used to be hot. You have to evolve into your new, less hot, body. And there’s nothing you can do that’s going to get you back to the point where you used to be young and hot and everyone paid attention to you. So maybe that means hanging out with dudes your age and enjoying their company, because the bottom line is this: You're 33 now. No one gives a shit anymore if you and your friend want to make out.
This would have been hilarious if it didn't make my skin crawl a little bit.
But really, what else are they supposed to do? They probably had dudes SLAVERING over them when they were 25 (shit, maybe even 15). What possible reason did they have to think that would ever go away? And hey, in the end it worked...
Weird, everyone in SD knows that most of the quality cougars tend to gravitate around Jacks in La Jolla. Mission Beach is strictly coed territory most of the time.
Hey fags, I goto that place at least twice a month. It's always full of old chicks, and old dudes for that matter - http://www.break.com/usercontent/2008/7/Techno-Vikings-Father-540689.html
Drop me a line next time you're in my neck of the woods.
wow i love how you young guys think you are just the hottest things around....i'll be laughing when you get a bit older and realise "gee - we were actually douchebags when we were under 30"
At least what you don't know can't hurt you.
Most guys under the age of 30 seem to think that they have it all figured out, and then when they hit 30, all of a sudden women are MORE interested in them. Fellas - it's because when you're in your 20's, all the women your age have you beat by a mile when it comes to knowing wtf is up (i.e., maturity) and you're not actually attractive to them until you get a little bit older and pull your head out of your ass. Pretending to be cocky doesn't make you look confident, it just makes you look like an asshole.
Just trying to help out my fellow man. Ladies, you can thank me later.
I agree. This is textbook douchebag behavior. Although I suspect he is a she trying to lead by example. Any turd that follows her lead will end up metrosexual or merely gay.
Sorry fellas. My intention when I picked this nickname was for it to be a fun thing, not to piss everyone off... but now I realize that my comments could be interpreted as pretentious, which isn't the way I intended them. Something just struck me in the moment when I was reading this and when I posted my comment, I didn't really consider how I was coming across. My bad.
Fuck all these other guys. These women are so damn hot and powerful and they get everything they want and guys worship the ground they walk on, and then after they are 30-31 they are completely irrelevant.
Young women only have as much power as they do because guys give it to them. Worshiping the ground a woman walks on just because she won the genetic lottery doesn't make you a man, it makes you a ass-kissing suckup (which, by the way, is just about the most unattractive thing in the world to a woman). Some women can hold it together well into their 30's, it just takes more effort - ask any woman who's that age, she'll tell you. When it comes to interacting with the ladies, try having fun and being playful and not giving your power away. Your comments just make you sound bitter and angry because chicks won't pay attention to you. If that's the case, you gotta do something about it. Nobody will do it for you.
Make sure your decks are ramped properly. In other words, an even spread of casting costs from one to four. Casting costs higher than that should be limited to very few (six-ish). You will want to run with %35 to %40 lands and probably no less than 18 creatures. All of this is subjective to what your design goal is. The above percentages may not jive well with your idea. If that's the case, you gotta do something about it. Nobody will do it for you.
Sorry guys... after re-reading them, I realize that my comments could be interpreted as being pretentious, which isn't what I intended. When I was reading this, something just struck me in the moment and when I posted my comment, I didn't really consider how I was coming across. I picked this nickname as kind of a fun thing, not to piss everyone off... my bad.
Hell yes cali guy, I am 34 and couldnt agree more, u know your women dammit! I'm not sure what the ladies in the bar were thinking, that is pretty sad. I just call my girlfriend up if I want to make out, to hell with standing in a bar full of punks for hours.
Sometimes it's tough to tell which replies are sarcastic and which aren't - obviously, the ones with my comments rearranged to form insults hurled back at me aren't, nor are the ones calling me a douchebag - but if you're being sincere, I appreciate it.
Maybe you should make out with another poster pretending to be a guy. Might get you some taxi-love.
Your comments just make you sound bitter and angry because guys won't pay attention to you. If that's the case, you gotta do something about it. Nobody will do it for you.
ADMIT IT... most of the guys reading this would be happy to hit something... anything... instead of the usual night's encounter with their own hand.....
LMAO
The Albert Pujols Theory, Fn nice analogy!!
Also would work such as: Dam its last call and i have 2 shots of Tequilla, imma get me that drunk chick!!
(60 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
April 15th, 2009 at 07:14 pm
dude why didnt u hit? You could have had a 3 some.
April 15th, 2009 at 07:47 pm
because he is gay obviously. He would rather spend his time creeping on the cougs than hitting up the much hotter 20-some yr olds.
April 15th, 2009 at 08:47 pm
i was thinkin he was gonna end up scoring a three way too lol
April 15th, 2009 at 09:19 pm
who? these queers?
April 16th, 2009 at 08:20 am
even they don't dig balding guys in wool caps
April 23rd, 2009 at 09:37 pm
Aye Aye and 30 year old women know how and like ot fuck
April 15th, 2009 at 07:42 pm
or rather, a 33-35 some. not cool, unless you're at least 60.
btw, paragraph one:
"pull my t-shirt *past* my penis"
April 15th, 2009 at 07:47 pm
This would have been hilarious if it didn't make my skin crawl a little bit.
But really, what else are they supposed to do? They probably had dudes SLAVERING over them when they were 25 (shit, maybe even 15). What possible reason did they have to think that would ever go away? And hey, in the end it worked...
April 15th, 2009 at 08:27 pm
bar name & location plox?
April 15th, 2009 at 09:02 pm
beachcomber, in mission beach san diego
April 16th, 2009 at 12:07 am
Come on man. there are much better bars in San Diego than beachcomber.
April 16th, 2009 at 07:31 am
I fully agree, but at the time, it seemed like a decent place to get hammered.
April 16th, 2009 at 11:02 pm
if I'm going cougar hunting I go straight to the den. Shout House baby! nothing but 40+ year old women in there getting drunk off their asses.
April 16th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Weird, everyone in SD knows that most of the quality cougars tend to gravitate around Jacks in La Jolla. Mission Beach is strictly coed territory most of the time.
April 18th, 2009 at 03:51 pm
Hey fags, I goto that place at least twice a month. It's always full of old chicks, and old dudes for that matter - http://www.break.com/usercontent/2008/7/Techno-Vikings-Father-540689.html
Drop me a line next time you're in my neck of the woods.
-Jason from RM.
April 15th, 2009 at 08:34 pm
Pix or it didn't happen.
I believe you've been on the internet before. You should know this rule.
April 15th, 2009 at 08:41 pm
I would have given them some attention and then taken both home with me. MILFx2
April 15th, 2009 at 09:14 pm
wow i love how you young guys think you are just the hottest things around....i'll be laughing when you get a bit older and realise "gee - we were actually douchebags when we were under 30"
At least what you don't know can't hurt you.
April 15th, 2009 at 09:36 pm
Most guys under the age of 30 seem to think that they have it all figured out, and then when they hit 30, all of a sudden women are MORE interested in them. Fellas - it's because when you're in your 20's, all the women your age have you beat by a mile when it comes to knowing wtf is up (i.e., maturity) and you're not actually attractive to them until you get a little bit older and pull your head out of your ass. Pretending to be cocky doesn't make you look confident, it just makes you look like an asshole.
Just trying to help out my fellow man. Ladies, you can thank me later.
April 15th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
Dude, your username is SexyCaliGuy and you're talking about pretending to be cocky. That is all.
April 15th, 2009 at 11:32 pm
Yea boy, you sure told me.
April 15th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
yo are u the same sexicaliguy i face fucked the other night? if so your a fag for taken my dick so well
April 16th, 2009 at 12:27 am
I'm blown away by your acute skills of reasoning, not to mention how well you can type. Very mature of you.
April 16th, 2009 at 01:45 am
I hate you. Get your head out of your ass.
April 16th, 2009 at 07:25 am
*A-class douche alert**
April 16th, 2009 at 11:21 am
I agree. This is textbook douchebag behavior. Although I suspect he is a she trying to lead by example. Any turd that follows her lead will end up metrosexual or merely gay.
April 17th, 2009 at 03:03 am
Sorry fellas. My intention when I picked this nickname was for it to be a fun thing, not to piss everyone off... but now I realize that my comments could be interpreted as pretentious, which isn't the way I intended them. Something just struck me in the moment when I was reading this and when I posted my comment, I didn't really consider how I was coming across. My bad.
April 16th, 2009 at 08:18 am
tell me sexyladiesman, when do i offer them the Courvoisier?
April 15th, 2009 at 09:54 pm
Fuck all these other guys. These women are so damn hot and powerful and they get everything they want and guys worship the ground they walk on, and then after they are 30-31 they are completely irrelevant.
The lord giveth and the lord taketh away
April 15th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Young women only have as much power as they do because guys give it to them. Worshiping the ground a woman walks on just because she won the genetic lottery doesn't make you a man, it makes you a ass-kissing suckup (which, by the way, is just about the most unattractive thing in the world to a woman). Some women can hold it together well into their 30's, it just takes more effort - ask any woman who's that age, she'll tell you. When it comes to interacting with the ladies, try having fun and being playful and not giving your power away. Your comments just make you sound bitter and angry because chicks won't pay attention to you. If that's the case, you gotta do something about it. Nobody will do it for you.
April 16th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Make sure your decks are ramped properly. In other words, an even spread of casting costs from one to four. Casting costs higher than that should be limited to very few (six-ish). You will want to run with %35 to %40 lands and probably no less than 18 creatures. All of this is subjective to what your design goal is. The above percentages may not jive well with your idea. If that's the case, you gotta do something about it. Nobody will do it for you.
April 16th, 2009 at 04:54 pm
Well said, too bad that most men are not as insightful as you!
April 17th, 2009 at 03:19 am
Sorry guys... after re-reading them, I realize that my comments could be interpreted as being pretentious, which isn't what I intended. When I was reading this, something just struck me in the moment and when I posted my comment, I didn't really consider how I was coming across. I picked this nickname as kind of a fun thing, not to piss everyone off... my bad.
April 16th, 2009 at 08:09 pm
Hell yes cali guy, I am 34 and couldnt agree more, u know your women dammit! I'm not sure what the ladies in the bar were thinking, that is pretty sad. I just call my girlfriend up if I want to make out, to hell with standing in a bar full of punks for hours.
April 17th, 2009 at 02:29 am
Sometimes it's tough to tell which replies are sarcastic and which aren't - obviously, the ones with my comments rearranged to form insults hurled back at me aren't, nor are the ones calling me a douchebag - but if you're being sincere, I appreciate it.
April 17th, 2009 at 02:04 am
Dear sexicalioldfatgirl,
Maybe you should make out with another poster pretending to be a guy. Might get you some taxi-love.
Your comments just make you sound bitter and angry because guys won't pay attention to you. If that's the case, you gotta do something about it. Nobody will do it for you.
April 17th, 2009 at 02:06 am
Well said Me! Too bad most douchebag multi-name jerk offs are not as insightful.
June 10th, 2009 at 02:42 pm
HAHAHAHAHA. Jesus Christ, I was starting to think this was a relationship help forum....
April 19th, 2009 at 07:52 am
I'm a fan of people acting their age...women or men.
just saying.
April 15th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
There is no is
April 16th, 2009 at 01:36 am
ADMIT IT... most of the guys reading this would be happy to hit something... anything... instead of the usual night's encounter with their own hand.....
April 16th, 2009 at 09:19 am
The most truthful thing ever written on this site. Give yourself a hand. No, really.
April 16th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Better hope your hand doesn't read that
April 16th, 2009 at 01:46 am
Well, if they're still hot, I'd totally go for them. I'd do a really hot 70 year old. No older than that though.
April 16th, 2009 at 07:15 am
wow this one was funny as fuck, good write up hahaha.
April 16th, 2009 at 08:44 am
everyone on here is talking about being under 30 and over 30. . . but what if you are actually 30? it's scary I tell ya. . .scary
April 16th, 2009 at 09:18 am
the lethal weapon throwback is awesome!
April 16th, 2009 at 09:30 am
yes!!!
April 16th, 2009 at 10:57 am
LMAO
The Albert Pujols Theory, Fn nice analogy!!
Also would work such as: Dam its last call and i have 2 shots of Tequilla, imma get me that drunk chick!!
April 16th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Those are the same broads you see at a bar, wasted off 4 gin martinis, who swear they only drink them for the olives.
Question: Would you like the olives as well if they hadn't been soaking in gin for that past 20 minutes?
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