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You’re Allowed To Look At Porn In New York City Libraries. Because This Is America.

Washington Crossing The Delaware For Porn

“Give me your tired, your poor, Your horny masses yearning to fap for free…” Isn’t that what’s transcribed on the Statue of Liberty? There is nothing more American than getting a boner in the library. It’s what our forefathers would’ve wanted.

I’m an American man, and I believe in freedom, of all kinds. Which is why I stand behind the NYC library’s decision to allow it’s patrons to look at porn. Freedom of speech, brothers and sisters. That’s what porn falls under. Speech. (Oh I know there’s kids in the library, and they shouldn’t be looking at porn. But the library’s got that covered, they’ve installed privacy screens and age verification systems. Because your kids shouldn’t interfere with a homeless man’s freedom to jerk off in public.)

This is entirely American and it’s just the kind of thing Lee Greenwood was talking about when he wrote the memorable lyrics to “God Bless America”. The incredibly poignant chorus to that song goes like this:

And I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I won’t forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

“That right” that was given to Mr. Greenfield is the right to look at pictures of people boning people, wherever people are! It doesn’t get any more American than that, my fellow patriots. “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of a decent picture gallery of some girl on girl action.” That’s what the Declaration of Independence says. Look it up.

Many people see this as a disgrace. An abuse of freedom of speech, but that’s just not the case. If you have the right to check out the latest James Frey novel for free, then my creepy neighbor has the right to check out the latest installment of MILF Hunter. Don’t you think the right to look at internet porn is the kind of thing our forefathers had in mind when they founded this country? I think it is. Without a doubt. It’s just like Ben Franklin said at the signing of the Declaration of Indepence, and I quote “We must all fap together, or, assuredly, we shall all fap separately.”

Need more proof? Let me share with you a piece of wisdom from the great Theodore Roosevelt: “This country will not be a good place for any of us to get a boner in unless we make it a good place for all of us to get a boner in.”

Still not convinced. That’s fine. Maybe my friend Ben Franklin can sway you. It was he that said “Where free porn dwells, there is my country.”

That’s not enough? Ok, I’ll leave you with one last quote. If you won’t listen to me, then maybe you’ll listen to what Nathan Hale had to say just before he was hanged by the British: “I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country, and that we don’t have free porn at the library yet.”

Well, Mr. Hale. Your life was not lost in vain. God bless America.

Check out the full story from the New York Post

2 Responses to "You’re Allowed To Look At Porn In New York City Libraries. Because This Is America."

  1. Mexican Jesus says:

    Not every day has to end in orgasm

  2. DonkeyXote says:

    Fuck the first amendment, freedom of speech comes with a moral responsability and if I can’t draw mohammed (big fucking wooooooooooooop) then you can’t watch violate social norms by watching smut in a library!

    Freedom of speech my ass, it’s all about what’s convenient for the fucktards we have in politics.